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It doesn't seem right that I should be this happy!

~Happy and Safe Holiday Everyone~

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theo
05:18 Dec 24 2008

Woo!

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He is just like a fictional character out of a story, I have never met anyone like it....and if I hadn't spent so much time with him, I wouldn't believe it myself.

I am blessed that he happens to be my best friend too!

I have a new appreciation for bass, lights and D.J's....omg they are gooooood! Its amazing how many days you can go on just grabbing sleep here and there!

I had fun...the most fun I've had in ages, should I feel bad for what I did...cause damn it, I don't, and whats more...I'll be doing it again as soon as I can!

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hisdarkestdream
04:13 Dec 16 2008

As long as you had fun what's there to regret? Or feel bad about? Happiness is what matters.

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MasterMindedFate
04:20 Dec 16 2008

haha baby,at least you had fun xxx

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I really feel now things are starting to take their toll.

I spent the day with my kids, it has been far too long, I thought my son was getting to the stage where he didn't really want me around any more, but today he really seemed to like having me around, I have missed us all just being together hanging out. And Gypsy, she always has needed me. I see them every day now but its not like we did today... it was great.

And I see it in me too, I am tired, emotional and I sometimes don't know if I am strong enough to pull this off any more, this whole year has left its mark on me, from loosing my friends, my marriage, my horse, and my business, to opening another only to have to close it and re-open somewhere else, to having to sleep in a car till I didn't have that any more and having to sleep on the floor of my shop, to having no money and being thousands in debt and showering in beach showers, and the icing on the cake... being told I am going to lose my Dad. I find myself falling apart sometimes, and just as I pull myself together, I find myself here.... alone at the shop again....but I swear to god, I really am trying......

Its been about a month since I moved out by myself, and it feels so normal now....a new kind of normal!

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xXPinkyXx
19:46 Dec 12 2008

I can't wait to have my OWN place, by myself. I don't know if or when it will ever happen. right now with wage cost cut backs, I can't afford to go anywhere.

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~Bitch Fit in session~ My shop is not a Piercers/Baby Sitters....why do people let their children mess around in it so they can peacefully eat...

I do not find their stupid kids cute, funny or anything besides annoying, I don't even like kids, and the lollies I have are not for them to help themselves to, and the hand prints, grrrrrr.

And when the parents do come in and get their snotty nosed offspring, I wish they would come up with something other than laughing...."oh sorry you are to young to get a piercing!" If I hear that one more time I will scream!

Even as I am writing this another one is walking into my shop...shoo shoo shoo.....

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moonkissed
05:10 Dec 11 2008

i was reading your journal and i must admit, i have no idea what you do for a living. i can relate to neglectful parents leaving their children to wander just so they themselves can attend their business. hmmm personally i think it stinks.

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xXPinkyXx
19:44 Dec 12 2008

I am in total agreement. I am in retail and people bring their kids shopping. Sooooo not a good idea. Kids get cranky and tired. They run around the store, they make a mess of things, they yell and scream, they have to touch all the mirrors, they will go into every fitting room and lock all the doors and crawl back out under, they will crawl into OTHER peoples rooms while they are changing.



It's annoying.



And even worse if someone comes in with more then one child. The kids automatically scatter through the store, and the parent doesn't even care. Some kids even run back out the door, and they are 2 years old, and the parent will come out of their fitting room and start yelling for their kid.



PARENTS!!! STOP TAKING YOUR CHILDREN WITH YOU WHEN YOU SHOP!!!!!!



Groceries, fine. Clothing? NO! when you are busy trying on clothes, you are not paying attention to your kids.



Get a sitter damnit.

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So much has changed....but some feelings don't!

We were given some good news on Dad this morning, first the cancer hasn't spread as far as they first thought, which I hope this means the 8 months that someone said is wrong.

Secondly the Lawyers that are going after the pay off he should get are starting with proceedings today and feel is will be a easy win, since he definitely got it from working with asbestos.

I don't want to be alone tonight!

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BloodThirstyLips817
09:34 Dec 07 2008

I never want to be alone so I know how you feel.

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Babaganoosh
10:13 Dec 07 2008

*huuuuuuugs*

I'm here! ^_^

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Beastt17
10:23 Dec 07 2008

Alone sucks! (voice of experience)

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*breath* Ok I have had some time to re-think my last journal entry and I think I am...was....am...angry! I don't know, I think my emotions are all over the place...and I am sorry that they are all spilling out all over my journal!

Of course I support them 100% in what ever choices they make to live their lives!

Mum said something that broke my heart this morning, it took everything I had in me to hold it together, blow it if I let my parents see me cry.



She said she is praying for a miracle...a healing...that Dad will survive this, and become stronger....and that he will suffer no pain.

And I saw the hope.....no Belief that this will happen in her eyes, she spoke it like she had not a doubt in the world, and then she became angry when I paused for a moment and didn't jump on the "yes, he will never die" wagon.



Don't get me wrong, I do believe that miracles and healing happen, and I hope to God it does happen here....But I also know better that to put all my hopes into it...didn't they learn anything from my sisters death....I did, I learnt people die, no matter how much you love them, need them or wish that they will never leave you...they still die!

What would you get your Dad for Christmas when you know it will be his last? I really want to know...

Something to show him how much you love him, but nothing too depressing!

I was thinking of hiring a hot sports car for him.... does that sound stupid?

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DarkWolfman
00:45 Dec 05 2008

Make a video of you talking...showing him pics and images of you growing up...doing things with him...show him how you think of him and will remember him...without being depressing.

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dabbler
00:56 Dec 05 2008

That doesn't sound stupid at all.



Very thoughtful, a classy place to drive it too with valet parking would be the ribbon on top.

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Its nearly 5.30...Dads out of surgery!

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Xzavier
07:37 Dec 04 2008

I hope his recovery goes well :) Sorry it took so long but those types of surgeries tend to run long.

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x0xchantellex0x
00:51 Dec 06 2008

ouch... that hass to hurt

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It's 3.30...why haven't I heard anything yet! It's taking so long!

Its 11:30am here....Dad went in for surgery half an hour ago. They are removing all of the Lung Pleura from what I gather, Mum isn't being to forward with the information, I guess because Dad is with her while she is telling me.



I am wondering around vr lost, I'm clicking on things not really even looking at what comes up and the book I was trying to read has been put a side.....

We just got the news we were waiting for....Dads cancer is terminal!

I WANT TO SET MY CAR ON FIRE AND ROAST MARSHMELLOWS AROUND IT!



All welcome!

Wow...my first 1! Should I be proud?



Arsenic

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Date: 04:59:48 - Dec 01 2008

Rating: 1

Comment:

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ThothLestat
19:27 Dec 01 2008

that's the new thing!

1s are this year's black.

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Maledicta
23:48 Dec 02 2008

Don't feel too special, he's doing it to everyone. As have at least 2 other people before him.

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