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So much has happened in my life, diagnosed with schizoaffcetive disorder, borderline personality disorder.

Breaking up and leaving

This are old stories for me

June of 2023, I developed diverticulitis, luckily I went to the ER, I also hady gallbladder removed. I guess I was right, something wasn't right with my gallbladder, I didn't expect it to be gangrous and twice it size.

I also had diverticulitis, swelling of my colon and a pinhole rupture with an abscess growing over the rupture. Couldn't get a colonoscopy, as my surgeon said, it would be like sticking a pipe through a wet paper sack. Had to have two surgery back to back with in two months with what should have been a 3 month recovery. Never happened, instead I didaybe a two month recovery.

I got a new cat, named him witch (thought he was a she) was a pet rescue

I'm on reddit now.

Nothing else

Medication to keep me stable made me numb, I still loath myself

I am not sure if you will ever read this ...

I'm sorry for everything I did to hurt you ... Leaving was a coward way out of it .. but I couldn't live there any more... I miss it and you but I am sure you wouldn't say the same ..

I don't blame you for anything


I can not find a way to do self love as I don't understand or know what that is.

I just exist and being numb is better than feeling eternal emptiness in a would be heart that doesn't exist anymore.

Live free now..

Why....