The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

There was a night that saw me cry

because of things within my past

my lover lost, an evil lie



In tears I drown, in tears I sigh

I wonder when I sob my last

for night is not the time to cry



But here I stay, the tears don't dry

I wish the end, I wish it fast

but here in bed of black I lie



Must life be cruel to those who try

my heart it screams inside it's cast

but I lay here now my place to cry



This pain must end, my heart must fly

above this painful evil blast

but time does not heal the horrid lie



There was a night that saw me die

my soul now gone myself is past

though gone I am I still must cry

my body cold now, here I must lie

It was many many years ago

I was green and young in life

I didn't know that there were girls

with hearts of ice

I never could have imagined

the harm that they could do

to well meaning boys and their lives

But like a hailstorm from hell

she rained down upon this bird

broke his wing and left him for dead

Though the storm passed quickly

and the sun came out again

the little bird never healed

just kept crying in the sand

because he could never fly again

But you can't tell me

that it was meant to be

for me to stand here now

with my feet in the sand

Because I was meant to soar

to kiss the clouds

while riding a gentle breeze

Yet here I am after all these years

just a bird with a broken wing

crying in the sand

It was the end of everything

For both you and I

The world that we knew

Was now set to die

But since that world brought me

Nothing but pain

I could care less that it

Will never be the same

But somehow that didn’t stop me

From cling to fears

Even as the day of ending

Is drawing near

So what’s a man like me supposed

To do tonight?

When everything in the world

Just seems to right

I can hear the whispers come from

The past again

Everything we have I just never

Want it to end

I know that I must be brave

For my own fate

Because I know that love will never

Just sit and wait

While I sit here in the dark

And begin to pray

Wishing to the stars above

That my love will stay

I know that if I just

Keep all my faith

That our love will never

Start to dissipate

But it’s hard to remain

So solid and true

When the past begins to

Sneak up on you

But when the stars come out

For the night

My love for you will burn

Just as bright

Because there’s not much

That I can do

When there’s only one thing

I know that’s true

And that is as long as lovers

Hold their heads up high

That the fire that burns for you

Will never die

Sitting alone in the dark of night

One bright and sunny day

I stared down a piece of paper

Not knowing what to say

I meant to pour my heart out

Let it bleed throughout my pen

But then the words they stifled

No thoughts came from within

It was then that I realized

My heart was empty black

No words to say nor tears to cry

Nothing left to attack

What can I write about nothing

Except it's pure and vast

Like an empty plain of rolling hills

Lies my heart until the last

I only know this emptiness

It's like groping in the dark

I only see this pain I feel

Along with it's ancient mark

It's only now I see myself

I see myself for what I am

Just an empty hollow creature

Frightened as a lamb

So I'll curl up with my word

And cry upon my ink

For every time I write now

I can feel my heart sink

Just imagine the stars

How bright they must be tonight

magnified be the teardrops

brought forth by all our pain

It's amazing how cruel life can be

how heavy her hand can feel

All we want to do is smile

but yet the teardrops fall like rain

There is no time for holding these days

nor a second for a simple kiss

just the time to stare at the moon

while crying out in vain

All we need is each other

to make it all go away

like an emotional drug

that takes away the pain

It's just so hard to keep an open heart

when the world is out to harm you

But without your gentle words

it's a struggle to stay sane

So as I roam the darkness

I'll be calling out your name

Haunting all of our demons

until they've all be slain

Get a job, get a life

and all that money stuff

Slave to God, slave to money

none of it cares about you

Two car garage, white picket fence

happiness is so cheap today

Blind your eyes, dull your thoughts

maybe then you’ll fail to see

that I don’t want to be like you



Nine to five, lunch at noon

how can this work for you?

Say your prayers, go to bed

Forget about what you want to do

Crush the dream, kill the hopes

it’s the right thing to do

Buy their shirts, make them rich

maybe they'll like you then

But I don’t want to be like you



Cut your hair, change your shoes

who cares if they work for you?

Punch the keys, do the work

and keep your smart mouth shut

Wash your hands, chew your food

don’t choke on the words I say

Raise your glass, drink your wine

and kiss your future goodbye

because I don’t want to be like you

I sit here and long

to be the way that I was

to have an open heart

and to sing a song of love

but it will never be as such

I know that I'm trapped in darkness

save this mirror that I touch



I've come to conclude that

I'm trapped inside this hell

I know that my body

is just an empty shell

It's eternally and wholly too much

now trapped inside my mind

save this mirror that I touch



I remember the days

in which I used to laugh

but now I feel my life's been severed

that I'm missing my better half

now the tears flow free down my crutch

because I'm staring at my smiling face

in this mirror that I touch

If I disappeared tomorrow

Another writer would take my place

If I died suddenly and tragically

Any soul with a voice could carry my message

If I quit and walked away

Someone else would do my job

And If I decided I wasn't strong enough

Almost anyone could protect my friends

But if I vanished today

Would you miss me my love?

Or would someone just fill the void in your heart?

Would someone be able to take my place with you?

My place in your bed?

My place in your life?

My place in your heart?

Because if someone could my love

If someone could make you happy

Then let me step aside now

Let me disappear once and for all

Let someone else take my place

And bear the burdens that I carry now

If someone else can take my place for you

Let me go the way of ancient Gods

And disappear into oblivion

Let me nestle down at a truck stop

Somewhere on the edge of nowhere

There in the corner I'll sit

With my hat covering my face

Hiding, sulking, being replaced.

If I am truly expendable

Then let me go there

Because I grow weary of fighting

I grow tired of pressing on

I'd rather bow out with grace and applause

Then forever live a lie, doing another man's work

But if you'd miss me

Even for one moment on some distant day

Then I won't budge

I won't give

Because some things are worth fighting for

Some things are worth dying for

And if love is not such a thing

Then it's life itself that's a lie

And I am just a piece of a larger puzzle

That spans the entire universe

Making paper look oceans deep

So if you need me as much as you say

Then I'll be here

By your side

Never moving

Always fighting

Waiting until I do become replaceable

With my hat in hand

And my route to nowhere mapped out

On a napkin in the back of my mind

It wasn’t that long ago

we were saying our good byes

but I never got to say thank you

for all the things that you taught me

most importantly what forever means

at least when it came to me and you

It means until you’re tired

and don’t want to play anymore

or until I’m useless

and you’ve got all your kicks

Was it forever until you’re quit

or forever until you’re bored



So tell me the truth

did you ever really care?

did you love that boy you held?

Did you just use him like the others?

and toss him when he was spent?



Now in the end I know

that it’s all for the best

We’re both much happier

and moving on with our lives

but still the questions linger

like a shadow cast long before

for the life of me I’ll never understand

how forever can be so brief

just until you’re hurting

just until it’s not easy anymore

or until someone better comes along

Is it forever until I’m broke

or forever until you let it die?



But tell me the truth

did any of it matter to you?

or was it just another cheap thrill?

was everything you said a lie?

just like happily ever after and forever.

Standing alone under an evening sky

watching the world spin around me

I see the faces of lost souls

dancing in the winds of change

and pouring through the sands of time



No one sees me standing there

Turning away when I don't dance to the beat

or march to the drums of a thousand fools

They pretend I'm not there

whispering about me as if I couldn't hear

just a piece of broken furniture

a part of the scenery

simply waiting to be thrown away



But there I stand

all alone to tomorrow

quietly challenging the song around me

by refusing to sing along

Instead watching as empty hearts walk along

looking past the invisible child

just standing there

waiting for the rain



And it's there I'll stand in a thousand years

long after the dance has carried the fools away

even after my body has given in to the grip of time

my place will remain unchanged



For I am the outcast

the one who refused the dance of a thousand fools

forced to suffer the wind and the rain

and stand transparent to the world around me

But the only one to remain

when the music stops and time marches on

grinding the dancers into dust

and scattering their memory to the winds of change



Though I'm left to an empty world

you'll never see sorrow in my eyes

I'll raise my glass with the other invisible souls

as we watch the last grains in hourglass of time

trickle through to the bottom

winding down the universe

letting us know our work is done

and that the ageless can now age no more

Every night when I hold you

the world just seems so right

To this day I can’t believe

that the woman in my arms is mine.

It’s like a cross between two dreams

to watch rising sun dance across your face.

Just knowing that you’re there to wipe the tears

stops them before they seep out.

What twist of fate was it

that brought our two souls together?

Did the Gods just mercifully smile upon us?

or did nature make some mistake?

Is this all true? or just another fantasy?

Could this heart beating so close to mine

truly be in love with me?

Or is it just another illusion

one of nature’s cruelest tricks.

If so then all of this joy, all of this heaven

would be just another passing dream.

But if I am dreaming, then let me sleep

Let me spend five more minutes

just five more minutes like this

Because once I wake

If I wake

I know I’ll never love again

because a love like this

can’t be repeated

and a dream like this

you don’t return to.

Somewhere near the shores of dreaming

overlooking the cliffs of humanity

there is a spot where the rocks jut skyward

and the seas of pleasure and pain meet

before crashing into the pillar of stone

Though the sun is always shining bright

and the view is forever perfectly clear

there is nothing but confusion and chaos

upon this column of jagged stone



This is where our hearts are forged

where our very souls are cast and made

But most of all, it is where we all return

on those endless nights when we're searching

searching for something more



Each and every one of us has been here

though none of us have seen this place

We've all stood upon that mighty stone

and stared longingly into space

We dream of Gods and demons

we dream of memories gone by

we inhale the salty scent of love and heartache

as the seas of agony an extacy mingle at our feet



We all know this place exists

we feel it in the pit of our being

We know the loneliess found atop the stone

and the frustration of never seeing enough

We've all leaned forward that one hair too far

and screamed as we were grabbed by the sea beneath us

where we get tossed and turned

just another lost soul trying to swim for shore

while drowning in himself



But it's there on the shores of dreaming

as wet, naked and battered souls

we finally gain the wisdom we sought

As we cough up the last drops of misery

we see the miracle in just being alive

Overwhelmed, we start dancing

skipping down the black glass beach of dreaming

singing a song, flinging the notes at the air



Maybe we're laughing at teardrops

or crying at the wind

but at least we're free from that jagged stone

at least until we come searching

searching again for something more

Sometimes I think of you

and wonder where you are

and if you think of me on lonely nights

or dream about me when there's nothing left to dream

I don't expect you to miss me

and I know the phone will never ring

with your voice hanging on the other line

but I have to know

if I'm in your thoughts

or if you forgot about me

like you promised you never would

I can't bear the thought

of what we shared

being nothing than a footnote

in a forgotten chapter of your life

and even though I only think of you

during the loneliest hours of the night

Part of me is still hoping

that you're thinking of me

when I'm busy not thinking of you

So shed not a tear for what we lost

nor heave a sigh for what could have been

Just let me grace your thoughts

when the night hangs long and low

and everything will be right when we awake

in the worlds we've created

in the many years we've been apart

You can hear the drums beating in the stands

Pounding out the chant of a thousand hands

From a lost generation that's been hurt too much

When we came out we were holding a crutch

They tell us that we're living in better times

Tell that to the tears rolling from our eyes

From drugs to guns man we've seen it all

When there was peace, I can't recall



Every morning I would go to school

To learn arithmetic and the golden rule

The big teacher taught us right from wrong

But on the playground right never lasted long

You see I learned more about reality

Getting kicked around and bloody-kneed

I spent my life curled in a ball

My hand broken from punching the wall

I tried to cry but the tears never came

Dig your nails deeper man, it's all the same

I was so filled with hate by the age of twelve

That into my heart, I dare not delve

Every night I'd ask the stars above

"Don't let me forget how to feel some love"

Right and wrong shift like the breeze

When you've living your life on your knees

I took my justice, in my hands

Because teacher wasn't there to make my stand

Though I was punished, I know not why

Right then I had to fight back or die



But now we're through living in your world

Consider this the first stone hurled

We're not letting life stay this way

too many have hurt, too many have paid

You've been deaf, for far too long

Even though you knew the truth all along

But I ask you world, "can you hear?"

The once-soft chorus is growing clear



You can hear the drums beating in the stands

Pounding out the chant of a thousand hands

Looking toward the future

with a frightened eye

staring down uncertainty

trying to pass the quiet nights

without letting my mind go astray



There are too many thoughts

I can't bear to think

too many possibilities

I don't have the courage to consider



I'm not scared of the future

just blinded by dreams gone awry

living in a past

checkered with defeats

and cradling ideals long since lost and forgotten



No journey has gone the direction I planned

No sprint has moved at the pace I wanted

So now I sit here

completely out of dreams

pining for what should have been

but never will be

frightened by possibilities turned into destinies

and clinging on to improbable hope

slipping through my fingers



Uncertain about everything

save what I fear

Destined for nothing

but what I despise



There is no glorious future

there is no happy end

just a game of self-deceit

that never quite fulfills

How do you expect me to cry for you

just because we’re saying goodbye

Yes, it hurts for me to lose you

and I’ll miss you until the day I die

But now that the truth has been spoken

I know my heart can’t be broken

Because this is a sign from above

that I have not yet learned how to love



I hope you will wipe away your tears

and see that this is for the best

I know with time you’ll slay your fears

and move onward with your quest

But please leave not a word unspoken

for I know your heart can’t be broken

Because you can’t break a wounded dove

and your heart has not yet learned how to love



I know that time will heal our scars

and soon we’ll leave this hellish place

But I’ve lost the heart to chase this star

and I must break this net of lace

But before I leave, take this token

and know that our hearts can not be broken

Because I know what we are made of

and we have not yet learned how to love