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https://youtu.be/rGk9bxBD-eM?si=qGI2KwrfpTQxSbxz
Super Psycho Love by Simon Curtis I'm addicted to this fucking song lol
Something lately drives me crazy
Has to do with how you make me
Struggle to get your attention
Calling you brings apprehension
Texts from you and sex from you
Are things that are not so uncommon
Flirt with you you're all about it
Tell me why I feel unwanted?
Damn, if you didn't want me back
Why'd you have to act like that?
It's confusing to the core
'Cause I know you want it
Oh, and if you don't wanna be
Something substantial with me
Then why do you give me more?
Babe I know you want it
Say that you want me every day
That you want me every way
That you need me
Got me trippin' super psycho love
Aim, pull the trigger
Feel the pain getting bigger
Go insane from the bitter feeling
Trippin' super psycho love
Pull me off to darkened corners
Where all other eyes avoid us
Tell me how I mesmerize you
I love you and despise you
Back to the crowd where you ignore me
Bedroom eyes to those before me
How am I supposed to handle?
Lit the fuse and missed the candle
Damn, if you wanna let me go
Baby please just let me know
You're not gonna get away
With leading me on
Say that you want me every day
That you want me every way
That you need me
Got me trippin' super psycho love
Aim, pull the trigger
Feel the pain getting bigger
Go insane from the bitter feeling
Trippin' super psycho love
Say you want me
Say you need me
Tear my heart out slow
And bleed me
You want me
You need me
You're gonna
Be with me
I know you want me too
I think you want me too
Please say you want me too
Because you're going to
Say that you want me every day
That you want me every way
That you need me
Got me trippin' super psycho love
Aim, pull the trigger
Feel the pain getting bigger
Go insane from the bitter feeling
Trippin' super psycho love
Say that you want me every day
That you want me every way
That you need me
Got me trippin' super psycho love
Aim, pull the trigger
Feel the pain getting bigger
Go insane from the bitter feeling
Trippin' super psycho love

July 30th 6:39pm.

Well it's been a while since I've written to you I'm now in a mental facility for people like myself I'm officially diagnosed with schizophrenia and am on constant anti psychotic medication to keep me calm and relaxed I have therapy every few weeks which is interesting to say the least as I've never had therapy before and I wasn't sure how the shrink would take the whole situation I've had the past few months, but it's going surprisingly well. I've heard not a blink from my wife which isn't shocking at all considering her reaction to my telling her the truth about the nightmares I was having. I miss her so much and wish she would just love and support me. But who knows what'll happen a month, or even a year from now as they say "time is a great healer". Well let's hope so.

This was written from the perspective of a fictional character named Joe Winters in case you were wondering. I hope you enjoyed reading it.

2:52pm June 9th

I told my wife everything and it didn't go well, she thinks I'm crazy unfortunately even though I know I can get some sort of treatment for it she's even afraid of me which is heartbreaking to hear from someone you love especially when you know you'd never actually hurt them in anyway! I don't know what to do I'm just heartbroken and she wants a divorce , I thought she was more open minded and understanding then that but I guess I thought wrong, life's certainly of surprises, but I wasn't expecting this one, but then again neither was she. Words can't describe how sad I feel and also angry with my parents as they should've told me much earlier about this issue I have!

5th June 5:45pm

Sorry I've written to you for a whole month, I did pay a visit to my father and it turns out, I have schizophrenia which I guess explains the dreams I'm just dreading if I hallucinate and start seeing my wife but a strange dead zombie version if I see something like that I definitely need medication or to be sectioned for sure! I'm just wondering why my dad never told me, or my mom for that matter, maybe they were scared of my reaction but I'm glad I know now because I can take the next step and tell my wife everything. It's going to hurt, the truth always does.

December 29th 7:08pm.

It's been a while since I've written to you, my apologies, I'm still fighting with my head , all the conflict going on, every time I say I'm not a killer I'm not like my father in any shape or form my mental state collapses like an old bridge that should have been rebuilt years ago. Every time I close my eyes when I go to bed I see nothing but violent images, mainly involving my partner which is strange as I'd never hurt her , I just want this pain to stop in my head it's driving me insane , should I go to therapy? No that's ludicrous I'd get sectioned! I need an answer to this insanity going on in my head and I need it NOW!!! I look up on Google although it's probably not the best thing to do but it's my last resort as therapy would most likely result in me ending up in a padded cell like room, I typed into Google, reasons why a person dreams of murder constantly, and the result was that it could be linked to something happening in real life, even though it's not I haven't murdered anyone, only my father has, maybe I get it partly from him on a genetic level. Hmm maybe I should pay him a visit and discuss this with him, man to man. Hopefully it'll answer a lot of questions in my head.

November 8th 4:15pm.

It's been several months since the endless days of having dark violent dreams of killing, sad to say they're still going on, I'm not a killer I say to myself everyday in the mirror, but whenever I close my eyes it's nothing but violent images and thoughts, what's wrong with me? I need to see a shrink to sort this out, I've not told my partner about it I'll drive her away for sure, then I'll have no one and be left to deal with this madness.

I'm going to write something suspenseful and twisty that'll even get the reader looking over their shoulder after reading a chapter just wish I could give an example but I've heard people steal from others on here so no suspense for you people such a shame because I dearly love to create and share my writing so much.

Ok this I don't mind sharing I wrote a few years ago and it's not published officially so enjoy: October 10th 8:43pm

The atmosphere was foggy and dreamlike, I'm in a bathroom and see a silhouette of a woman taking a shower, now any other man would have sexual thoughts towards such an image, not me, I am thinking of how I'd love to pierce her smooth skin with a sharp knife, hear her screams echo in my ears and the blood splattering all over me, until all is silent. I suddenly wake up in bed, back to reality, I look to the other side of the bed and see my partner laying there fast asleep without a care in the world, but to be on the safe side I gently press two fingers to her neck to see if she has a pulse, she does. Sigh, thank goodness, no clue why I had such a nasty dream. Funny how the mind plays tricks on you. But then I look on my pillow and see specks of blood, where had it come from?

I was still pondering where the blood on my pillow had come from, it's been a month since I had the dream, well more like a nightmare really. I realise that some of my family history is on the violent side as I remembered my father is in prison for third degree murder, but I couldn't possibly be like him, even though looking in the mirror I look the spitting image of him in his younger days. I texted my partner about the blood hoping to find an explanation for it, she replied saying she'd accidentally cut herself and got some blood on the pillow, I sighed with such relief, I was so scared I had done something awful. Although lately every time I close my eyes I keep having the same horrifying nightmare, I haven't slept for weeks on end. Should I tell my partner about it? Would she understand? We shall see.

You want more??

Why am I in pain nothing crazy just the time of the month has come along so I'm not only going to be in pain for a bit I'll be feeling other things too as a result which fucking sucks.

I'm feeling better today just woke up and took some painkillers and my vitamins and medication. Just gonna do some brainstorming later on for my next book I want to write. And no I won't be sharing anything on this website to do with it. Hope you all have a good day!

Think I'm actually losing my mind a bit for so many reasons it's just not funny. I can't say why I feel this way but it's almost painful on a psychological level at least.

I'm fine by the way I'm not going to do anything stupid. Don't worry. I'm probably just depressed.