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Umyalanaraku's Journal


Umyalanaraku's Journal

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11 entries this month
 

Mother

06:51 Apr 30 2017
Times Read: 190


Mother do you think they'll drop the bomb?

Mother do you think they'll like this song?

Mother do you think they'll try to break my balls?

Mother should I build the wall?

Mother should I run for president?

Mother should I trust the government?

Mother will they put me in the firing line?

Mother am I really dying?



Hush now baby, baby, dont you cry.

Mother's gonna make all your nightmares come true.

Mother's gonna put all her fears into you.

Mother's gonna keep you right here under her wing.

She wont let you fly, but she might let you sing.

Mama will keep baby cozy and warm.

Ooooh baby ooooh baby oooooh baby,

Of course mama'll help to build the wall.



Mother do you think she's good enough -- to me?

Mother do you think she's dangerous -- to me?

Mother will she tear your little boy apart?

Mother will she break my heart?



Hush now baby, baby dont you cry.

Mama's gonna check out all your girlfriends for you.

Mama wont let anyone dirty get through.

Mama's gonna wait up until you get in.

Mama will always find out where you've been.

Mama's gonna keep baby healthy and clean.

Ooooh baby oooh baby oooh baby,

You'll always be baby to me.



Mother, did it need to be so high?


COMMENTS

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Tear Down The Wall

06:47 Apr 30 2017
Times Read: 192


Good morning, Worm your honor.

The crown will plainly show

The prisoner who now stands before you

Was caught red-handed showing feelings

Showing feelings of an almost human nature;

This will not do.

Call the schoolmaster!



I always said he'd come to no good

In the end your honor.

If they'd let me have my way I could

Have flayed him into shape.

But my hands were tied,

The bleeding hearts and artists

Let him get away with murder.

Let me hammer him today?



Crazy,

Toys in the attic I am crazy,

Truly gone fishing.

They must have taken my marbles away.

Crazy, toys in the attic he is crazy.



You little shit you're in it now,

I hope they throw away the key.

You should have talked to me more often

Than you did, but no! You had to go

Your own way, have you broken any

Homes up lately?

Just five minutes, Worm your honor,

Him and Me, alone.



Baaaaaaaaaabe!

Come to mother baby, let me hold you

In my arms.

M'lud I never wanted him to

Get in any trouble.

Why'd he ever have to leave me?

Worm, your honor, let me take him home.



Crazy,

Over the rainbow, I am crazy,

Bars in the window.

There must have been a door there in the wall

When I came in.

Crazy, over the rainbow, he is crazy.



The evidence before the court is

Incontrovertible, there's no need for

The jury to retire.

In all my years of judging

I have never heard before

Of someone more deserving

Of the full penalty of law.

The way you made them suffer,

Your exquisite wife and mother,

Fills me with the urge to defecate!



"Hey Judge! Shit on him!"



Since, my friend, you have revealed your

Deepest fear,

I sentence you to be exposed before

Your peers.

Tear down the fucking wall!


COMMENTS

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What shall we do now?

21:03 Apr 25 2017
Times Read: 198


What shall we use to fill the empty spaces

Where waves of hunger roar?

Shall we set out across the sea of faces

In search of more and more applause?

Shall we buy a new guitar?

Shall we drive a more powerful car?

Shall we work straight through the night?

Shall we get into fights?

Leave the lights on?

Drop bombs?

Do tours of the east?

contract diseases?

Bury bones?

Break up homes?

Send flowers by phone?

Take to drink?

Go to shrinks?

Give up meat?

Rarely sleep?

Keep people as pets?

Train dogs?

Race rats?

Fill the attic with cash?

Bury treasure?

Store up leisure?

But never relax at all

With our backs to the wall.


COMMENTS

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I Truly Dislike People

12:42 Apr 14 2017
Times Read: 240


I hardly mess with anyone, but some people are just like mosquitoes, they exist for the sole purpose of annoying the hell out of me. Too bad I can't give the mosquitoes on the internet the same almighty bitch slap to end all bitch slaps like I do the ones that buzz me when I'm outside.




COMMENTS

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Fort Minor

18:37 Apr 13 2017
Times Read: 248


Where'd you go?

I miss you so

Seems like it's been forever

That you've been gone



She said, "Some days I feel like shit"

Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit"

I don't understand why you have to always be gone

I get along but the trips always feel so long

And, I find myself tryna stay by the phone

'Cause your voice always helps me when I feel so alone

But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call

But when I pick up I don't have much to say

So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up

That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin'

Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career

Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"



I miss you so

Seems like it's been forever

That you've been gone

Where'd you go?

I miss you so,

Seems like it's been forever

That you've been gone

Please come back home



You know the place where you used to live,

Used to barbeque up burgers and ribs,

Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,

But now, you only stop by every once in a while,

Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,

Anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,

I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,

You can call me if you find you have somethin' to say,

And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,

That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',

Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,

Me and the rest of the family here singing, "Where'd you go?"



I miss you so,

Seems like it's been forever,

That you've been gone.

Where'd you go?

I miss you so,

Seems like it's been forever,

That you've been gone,

Please come back home



I want you to know it's a little fucked up,

That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',

Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,

For while you're not around, and feeling so useless,

It seems one thing has been true all along,

You don't really know what you got 'til it's gone,

I guess I've had it with you and your career,

When you come back I won't be here and you'll can sing it



Where'd you go?

I miss you so,

Seems like it's been forever,

That you've been gone

Where'd you go?

I miss you so,

Seems like it's been forever,

That you've been gone



Please come back home

Please come back home

Please come back home

Please come back home

Please come back home


COMMENTS

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Strange Dreams I Have

03:26 Apr 13 2017
Times Read: 261


So last night I had a dream some maniac had locked me inside a room with about four or five other people and get this, the room was made completely out of dolls. Not just any dolls, but old worn out, dirty, busted up, creepy kind you see in horror movies. And we had to match two of the dolls in the room in order for the hatch in the room to open so we could get out. And I remember one woman in the group had a tattoo of a doll and for some reason she was panicking and trying to match it to the dolls and I was like why the hell are you trying to match your tattoo to the dolls, that's not going to work. And I woke up from my dream and asked my fiance why the hell this woman in my dream was trying to match her tattoo to the dolls. lmfao!!!


COMMENTS

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No Fucks Are Given

02:03 Apr 13 2017
Times Read: 268


To the people who pop up on my profile down rating me for no reason then messaging me with smartass remarks later when I return them the same rating, just remember it was YOU who came to MY profile in the first place. I already stated in my profile, I give what is given to me, whatever level of respect is shown to me is returned. I'm not kissing anyone's ass here, I don't give a fuck who you are or who you THINK you are, I bow to no motherfucker. And if you don't like that, I didn't ask you to like it, nor do I pay you for you to like me, so I honestly don't give two fucks either way who does or does not like me. Be a shitfuck and I'll be a shitfuck back, be kind and I'll be kind back. I'm not a "forgive your enemies" kind of person, fuck that dumb shit, I hate my enemies with a passion, in fact I hate a lot of people, I'm not a very people person. I don't fuck with you, stop fucking with me.


COMMENTS

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The Statement of Randolph Carter

02:49 Apr 10 2017
Times Read: 287


I repeat to you, gentlemen, that your inquisition is fruitless. Detain me here forever if you will; confine or execute me if you must have a victim to propitiate the illusion you call justice; but I can say no more than I have said already. Everything that I can remember, I have told with perfect candour. Nothing has been distorted or concealed, and if anything remains vague, it is only because of the dark cloud which has come over my mind—that cloud and the nebulous nature of the horrors which brought it upon me.

Again I say, I do not know what has become of Harley Warren; though I think—almost hope—that he is in peaceful oblivion, if there be anywhere so blessed a thing. It is true that I have for five years been his closest friend, and a partial sharer of his terrible researches into the unknown. I will not deny, though my memory is uncertain and indistinct, that this witness of yours may have seen us together as he says, on the Gainesville pike, walking toward Big Cypress Swamp, at half past eleven on that awful night. That we bore electric lanterns, spades, and a curious coil of wire with attached instruments, I will even affirm; for these things all played a part in the single hideous scene which remains burned into my shaken recollection. But of what followed, and of the reason I was found alone and dazed on the edge of the swamp next morning, I must insist that I know nothing save what I have told you over and over again. You say to me that there is nothing in the swamp or near it which could form the setting of that frightful episode. I reply that I know nothing beyond what I saw. Vision or nightmare it may have been—vision or nightmare I fervently hope it was—yet it is all that my mind retains of what took place in those shocking hours after we left the sight of men. And why Harley Warren did not return, he or his shade—or some nameless thing I cannot describe—alone can tell.

As I have said before, the weird studies of Harley Warren were well known to me, and to some extent shared by me. Of his vast collection of strange, rare books on forbidden subjects I have read all that are written in the languages of which I am master; but these are few as compared with those in languages I cannot understand. Most, I believe, are in Arabic; and the fiend-inspired book which brought on the end—the book which he carried in his pocket out of the world—was written in characters whose like I never saw elsewhere. Warren would never tell me just what was in that book. As to the nature of our studies—must I say again that I no longer retain full comprehension? It seems to me rather merciful that I do not, for they were terrible studies, which I pursued more through reluctant fascination than through actual inclination. Warren always dominated me, and sometimes I feared him. I remember how I shuddered at his facial expression on the night before the awful happening, when he talked so incessantly of his theory, why certain corpses never decay, but rest firm and fat in their tombs for a thousand years. But I do not fear him now, for I suspect that he has known horrors beyond my ken. Now I fear for him.

Once more I say that I have no clear idea of our object on that night. Certainly, it had much to do with something in the book which Warren carried with him—that ancient book in undecipherable characters which had come to him from India a month before—but I swear I do not know what it was that we expected to find. Your witness says he saw us at half past eleven on the Gainesville pike, headed for Big Cypress Swamp. This is probably true, but I have no distinct memory of it. The picture seared into my soul is of one scene only, and the hour must have been long after midnight; for a waning crescent moon was high in the vaporous heavens.

The place was an ancient cemetery; so ancient that I trembled at the manifold signs of immemorial years. It was in a deep, damp hollow, overgrown with rank grass, moss, and curious creeping weeds, and filled with a vague stench which my idle fancy associated absurdly with rotting stone. On every hand were the signs of neglect and decrepitude, and I seemed haunted by the notion that Warren and I were the first living creatures to invade a lethal silence of centuries. Over the valley’s rim a wan, waning crescent moon peered through the noisome vapours that seemed to emanate from unheard-of catacombs, and by its feeble, wavering beams I could distinguish a repellent array of antique slabs, urns, cenotaphs, and mausolean facades; all crumbling, moss-grown, and moisture-stained, and partly concealed by the gross luxuriance of the unhealthy vegetation. My first vivid impression of my own presence in this terrible necropolis concerns the act of pausing with Warren before a certain half-obliterated sepulchre, and of throwing down some burdens which we seemed to have been carrying. I now observed that I had with me an electric lantern and two spades, whilst my companion was supplied with a similar lantern and a portable telephone outfit. No word was uttered, for the spot and the task seemed known to us; and without delay we seized our spades and commenced to clear away the grass, weeds, and drifted earth from the flat, archaic mortuary. After uncovering the entire surface, which consisted of three immense granite slabs, we stepped back some distance to survey the charnel scene; and Warren appeared to make some mental calculations. Then he returned to the sepulchre, and using his spade as a lever, sought to pry up the slab lying nearest to a stony ruin which may have been a monument in its day. He did not succeed, and motioned to me to come to his assistance. Finally our combined strength loosened the stone, which we raised and tipped to one side.

The removal of the slab revealed a black aperture, from which rushed an effluence of miasmal gases so nauseous that we started back in horror. After an interval, however, we approached the pit again, and found the exhalations less unbearable. Our lanterns disclosed the top of a flight of stone steps, dripping with some detestable ichor of the inner earth, and bordered by moist walls encrusted with nitre. And now for the first time my memory records verbal discourse, Warren addressing me at length in his mellow tenor voice; a voice singularly unperturbed by our awesome surroundings.

“I’m sorry to have to ask you to stay on the surface,” he said, “but it would be a crime to let anyone with your frail nerves go down there. You can’t imagine, even from what you have read and from what I’ve told you, the things I shall have to see and do. It’s fiendish work, Carter, and I doubt if any man without ironclad sensibilities could ever see it through and come up alive and sane. I don’t wish to offend you, and heaven knows I’d be glad enough to have you with me; but the responsibility is in a certain sense mine, and I couldn’t drag a bundle of nerves like you down to probable death or madness. I tell you, you can’t imagine what the thing is really like! But I promise to keep you informed over the telephone of every move—you see I’ve enough wire here to reach to the centre of the earth and back!”

I can still hear, in memory, those coolly spoken words; and I can still remember my remonstrances. I seemed desperately anxious to accompany my friend into those sepulchral depths, yet he proved inflexibly obdurate. At one time he threatened to abandon the expedition if I remained insistent; a threat which proved effective, since he alone held the key to the thing. All this I can still remember, though I no longer know what manner of thing we sought. After he had secured my reluctant acquiescence in his design, Warren picked up the reel of wire and adjusted the instruments. At his nod I took one of the latter and seated myself upon an aged, discoloured gravestone close by the newly uncovered aperture. Then he shook my hand, shouldered the coil of wire, and disappeared within that indescribable ossuary. For a moment I kept sight of the glow of his lantern, and heard the rustle of the wire as he laid it down after him; but the glow soon disappeared abruptly, as if a turn in the stone staircase had been encountered, and the sound died away almost as quickly. I was alone, yet bound to the unknown depths by those magic strands whose insulated surface lay green beneath the struggling beams of that waning crescent moon.

In the lone silence of that hoary and deserted city of the dead, my mind conceived the most ghastly phantasies and illusions; and the grotesque shrines and monoliths seemed to assume a hideous personality—a half-sentience. Amorphous shadows seemed to lurk in the darker recesses of the weed-choked hollow and to flit as in some blasphemous ceremonial procession past the portals of the mouldering tombs in the hillside; shadows which could not have been cast by that pallid, peering crescent moon. I constantly consulted my watch by the light of my electric lantern, and listened with feverish anxiety at the receiver of the telephone; but for more than a quarter of an hour heard nothing. Then a faint clicking came from the instrument, and I called down to my friend in a tense voice. Apprehensive as I was, I was nevertheless unprepared for the words which came up from that uncanny vault in accents more alarmed and quivering than any I had heard before from Harley Warren. He who had so calmly left me a little while previously, now called from below in a shaky whisper more portentous than the loudest shriek:

“God! If you could see what I am seeing!”

I could not answer. Speechless, I could only wait. Then came the frenzied tones again:

“Carter, it’s terrible—monstrous—unbelievable!”

This time my voice did not fail me, and I poured into the transmitter a flood of excited questions. Terrified, I continued to repeat, “Warren, what is it? What is it?”

Once more came the voice of my friend, still hoarse with fear, and now apparently tinged with despair:

“I can’t tell you, Carter! It’s too utterly beyond thought—I dare not tell you—no man could know it and live—Great God! I never dreamed of THIS!” Stillness again, save for my now incoherent torrent of shuddering inquiry. Then the voice of Warren in a pitch of wilder consternation:

“Carter! for the love of God, put back the slab and get out of this if you can! Quick!—leave everything else and make for the outside—it’s your only chance! Do as I say, and don’t ask me to explain!”

I heard, yet was able only to repeat my frantic questions. Around me were the tombs and the darkness and the shadows; below me, some peril beyond the radius of the human imagination. But my friend was in greater danger than I, and through my fear I felt a vague resentment that he should deem me capable of deserting him under such circumstances. More clicking, and after a pause a piteous cry from Warren:

“Beat it! For God’s sake, put back the slab and beat it, Carter!”

Something in the boyish slang of my evidently stricken companion unleashed my faculties. I formed and shouted a resolution, “Warren, brace up! I’m coming down!” But at this offer the tone of my auditor changed to a scream of utter despair:

“Don’t! You can’t understand! It’s too late—and my own fault. Put back the slab and run—there’s nothing else you or anyone can do now!” The tone changed again, this time acquiring a softer quality, as of hopeless resignation. Yet it remained tense through anxiety for me.

“Quick—before it’s too late!” I tried not to heed him; tried to break through the paralysis which held me, and to fulfil my vow to rush down to his aid. But his next whisper found me still held inert in the chains of stark horror.

“Carter—hurry! It’s no use—you must go—better one than two—the slab—” A pause, more clicking, then the faint voice of Warren:

“Nearly over now—don’t make it harder—cover up those damned steps and run for your life—you’re losing time— So long, Carter—won’t see you again.” Here Warren’s whisper swelled into a cry; a cry that gradually rose to a shriek fraught with all the horror of the ages—

“Curse these hellish things—legions— My God! Beat it! Beat it! Beat it!”

After that was silence. I know not how many interminable aeons I sat stupefied; whispering, muttering, calling, screaming into that telephone. Over and over again through those aeons I whispered and muttered, called, shouted, and screamed, “Warren! Warren! Answer me—are you there?”

And then there came to me the crowning horror of all—the unbelievable, unthinkable, almost unmentionable thing. I have said that aeons seemed to elapse after Warren shrieked forth his last despairing warning, and that only my own cries now broke the hideous silence. But after a while there was a further clicking in the receiver, and I strained my ears to listen. Again I called down, “Warren, are you there?”, and in answer heard the thing which has brought this cloud over my mind. I do not try, gentlemen, to account for that thing—that voice—nor can I venture to describe it in detail, since the first words took away my consciousness and created a mental blank which reaches to the time of my awakening in the hospital. Shall I say that the voice was deep; hollow; gelatinous; remote; unearthly; inhuman; disembodied? What shall I say? It was the end of my experience, and is the end of my story. I heard it, and knew no more. Heard it as I sat petrified in that unknown cemetery in the hollow, amidst the crumbling stones and the falling tombs, the rank vegetation and the miasmal vapours. Heard it well up from the innermost depths of that damnable open sepulchre as I watched amorphous, necrophagous shadows dance beneath an accursed waning moon. And this is what it said:

“YOU FOOL, WARREN IS DEAD!”


COMMENTS

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Careful What You Wish For

02:30 Apr 10 2017
Times Read: 292


I here a lot of people complain about this or that and say things like "oh I'd give anything" or "I don't care what the cost is". Of course people blindly say these things when they have no idea what the cost of what they're asking may be. Careful what you wish for, you just might get more than what you asked for.


COMMENTS

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VR Forum

01:26 Apr 05 2017
Times Read: 314


I read some of these forum posts and this is pretty much how I feel....




COMMENTS

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Dakotah
Dakotah
03:27 Apr 05 2017

F'Real brother.





 

Fear

05:31 Apr 03 2017
Times Read: 337


There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure. Fear cuts deeper than swords. Men go to far greater lengths to avoid what they fear than to obtain what they desire. The only calibration that counts is how much heart people invest, how much they ignore their fears of being hurt or caught out or humiliated. And the only thing people regret is that they didn't live boldly enough, that they didn't invest enough heart, didn't love enough. Nothing else really counts at all. Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid. The man who fears losing has already lost. Fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life. Best way to deal with fear is to confront it. Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.


COMMENTS

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MistressAngelique
MistressAngelique
05:38 Apr 03 2017

So very very true my love. Fear will paralyze us if we allow it to. Fear will prevent us from truly living, and keep us from enjoying our lives: keep us from trying new things, even keep us from loving and growing.



If you and I were fearful of taking the next step in our relationship (actually moving in together) then we would not be together today. We would be alone and miserable. I see others miserable in their lives because they allow fear to control them: prevent them from moving forward!




Umyalanaraku
Umyalanaraku
05:40 Apr 03 2017

That is very true my angel love, fear is the most effective weapon against people and often times the enemy who uses it the most is our own selves. Fear is the destroyer and devour-er of life, love, happiness and everything great we strive to be.








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