The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

A caring soul, found in which to console. Beloved turned to wretched, destroying my wanted. Only few to lighten my day, too quickly taken away. As if im insane, who is to blame. Cross from trust, not for lust. Finding my happiness, caught in the reckless. Trying to get a grip, so wet from tears, i slip. Nightly sleep, as i weep, it all disappears. This is sincere? Lock me away, to find the decay of my mind. Will you find a hidden clue just for you? Shake away the pain. No reaction to my brain. Restless inside, all feelings reside.

Why do feelings change so fast? Why does love just fall apart? How come the ones that say they care the most are the ones who hurt you in the end? Hearts break, tears fall, blood sheds, love dies. Humanity is sick. Is there such thing as love? or just some strange attraction. Something different is what you love. Fades when everything stays the same.

This pain that hurts too much. I cant stand it. I forgot how to smile. Tears come to my eyes thinking if i was ever happy. Impossible now. I cant imagine being happy ever again. Its just so hard on me. As if something possesses me, try not to, not thinking, just happened. Grabbed the sharpest razor in the dark, couldnt see, just started slicing until blood rained into my lap soaking everything in site. Everywhere, too much, not enough. I would of, should of commit! Darkness is my life, others happiness is my despair, like putting salt in an open wound. Its too much to take, so sick of it. Drown myself in drugs and blood. All this loneliness. Fall to the floor in pain, for all who have left, all who dont care, enough, somehow, enough to kill. Nothing can stop this feeling no matter how hard i try. I try to stop, be happy. I try to smile, its too distorted from all the pain before. I could never love. Another thing i cant do, just adds to the pile to my failures. Failure to love, care, see, believe. Why cant anyone stop this? Feeding off the pain of others. Because if im not happy, they cant be either. Living in a shadow no one sees. Alone in a group of people, invisible. Cutting is so painless. Blood soaked cloth. I cant get throught this. So far away from everything.

As i pretend to care, a forgiving hug, a hidden knife, to butcher you. One last breath. I stab through your back, take a step away. Study your face, your reaction, your pain, my joy. Any last words as i look into your eyes?

Red hot tears like flaming water. My mom wont stop bothering me but she doesnt know what has been brought upon me. Thoughts of suicide, unending cutting. The depression so deep, lasting impression. What happened? Why do i find someone and never get to see them? Im meant to be alone. Fate has turned to suicide. Why should i live for nothing, nothing to look forward to, no one who truly cares. Families say, but they sure dont act. I should just end this. No happiness could ever replace all this sadness. I'll just be dead to the world with no one to love. They all seem to leave one way or another. Get out of my life, everyone. Dont cause me any more pain, but if they do leave, that has been my worst fear. All the hurt. Im all alone. My blood runs deep and so does my razor. I need help, but dont want it. I can take care of myself, and just die. I know that not many will care. Who the fuck would? And if someone does care, i guess they can just suffer. I want them to feel my pain, share what i have. At least then i wouldnt have to deal with all the people that could care less. I know that now. Even if they seem to love me in one way or another, they dont, they never will. Maybe i should just close myself off from the world. Theres too much pain inside, i cant let you in, or maybe, just maybe, you would suffer just for me.

Why are you doing this to me? Put me back into depression. You are shutting me out without realizing it. So caught up with eachother, you forget i was here, forgot im your friend. Your mind is closing shut, no longer open-minded, to loved ones around, so clueless. Im now the forgotten one. You are the only friends i have here, now you are gone. Left to be alone in this hell full of smoke. Choked. I should just turn away. Leave it.

Dust is falling down onto me. Covering me as i lay here on the ground. Im so far under, no one seems to notice me. Even to people that noticed me no matter what, Im starting to disappear. But they dont know what they are doing to me. So who's to blame? Im not the one to try to get attention, I shouldnt have to be. Give up and die, choking on the dust. Will anyone ever see whats happening to me, and dig me out? Or will it be too late for someone to save me? No rescue, too late, impossible to uncover so much. After that, it would be a miracle to find someone that can. Dust continues to fall...

Where am i in this world? Does anyone know? Can someone find me? Where am i in this life? I dont know where i am. Im lost, lost forever, to be wandering with no direction, ever living. Am i living? Im so lost. If only there was someone, someone to tell me where i am, even tell me what to do, be my owner, my master. Im dead to myself. Lost thoughts and feelings. Maybe someday i will live, find my way and my life. Or maybe i did find it and i dont know. My life is... Lost

Its so cold. Someone put me out of my misery. Kill me now, you left me here to die, to torture me. Im freezing to death. No one cares. I have no feeling anymore, everything is numb. If i live you will die. Why take the chance? Kill me now. You know you want to, so do it! Screw it, I'll do it myself. See you in hell!

The darkness calls to me. I wake at night to walk the empty streets. Empty like my heart. The feel of pain is for my pleasure. The taste of blood is my olnly thirst. Blackness comforts me, red hungers me. The faint light of sun burns my eyes. What are those creatures that walk the day? They are my prey. The fear in their eyes, their racing heart, brings to me happiness. The darkness of their skin so hideous. The complexion of ours so perfect. Always hungry for blood, such an easy target, so easy to obtain, unsuspecting. Great to be immortal, live forever, do whatever. The sun rises, I fall to sleep in my dark coffin in a crypt called home.

The feel of pain hurts so good. The sight of blood amuses me. I cut myself for my pleasure. The taste of blood is even better. All these scars are hard to hide. You think i need help, fuck you all. My pain is not yours. No one knows how i feel. Parents think they know but they dont, they have no clue. Friends know secrets and everything. They are a better family than our own. To live without friends is suicide to yourself, no reason to live. Suicide is the end of life, the end of all time, for yourself. No growing older, not to finish life unsuspectingly. No mistakes, nothing to lose, no more hurt, and no more pain. Its a relief dont you think?