The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

13:48 Feb 29 2008
Times Read: 661

Just wanted to save this its so awesome........not sure where I want to put it.....

Grandpa Feb 17~ not a good day
20:11 Feb 17 2008
Times Read: 681

I was planning on taking the boys down to see Grandpa today, but got a phone call that he wasn't feeling very well and wouldn't be getting out of bed. He isn't feeling up to company.

I did go see him last week by myself. He seems so tired. He did say that when the test come back the end of this week.....he will decide if he is going to quit taking treatments if there isn't a change for the better from them.

I want to try to write about his life but hell I dont know where to start......

I am gonna think on that and maybe put some little short memories in here later....



This is so hard. I am trying to be strong for my family. I know I can and will. But, I can't stand not being able to fix him...........

??EMO??
14:52 Feb 16 2008
Times Read: 685

OK I AM A BIT CONFUSED.. CALL ME OLD, CALL ME A DORK.......BUT I JUST DONT GET IT....

KIDS SAY THEY ARE EMO AND I THOUGHT I KNEW WHAT IT MENT BUT I GUESS I WAS WAY OFF.

I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT EMO WAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH CUTTING .......

UNLESS EVERYONE THAT SAYS THEY ARE EMO ARE SAYING THAT THATS THE KIND OF MUSIC THEY LIKE?!?



Emo (pronounced /ˈiːmoʊ/) is a style of rock music which describes several independent variations of music with common stylistic roots. As such, use of the term has been the subject of much debate. In the mid-1980s, the term emo described a subgenre of hardcore punk which originated in the Washington, DC music scene. In later years, the term emocore, short for "emotional hardcore", was also used to describe the emotional performances of bands in the Washington DC scene and some of the offshoot regional scenes such as Rites of Spring, Embrace, One Last Wish, Beefeater, Gray Matter, Fire Party, and later, Moss Icon. (In more recent years, the term "emotive hardcore" entered the lexicon to describe the period.)



Starting in the mid-1990s, the term emo began to refer to the indie scene that followed the influences of Fugazi, which itself was an offshoot of the first wave of emo. Bands including Sunny Day Real Estate and Texas Is the Reason had a more indie rock style of emo, more melodic and less chaotic. The so-called "indie emo" scene survived until the late 1990s, as many of the bands either disbanded or shifted to mainstream styles. As the remaining indie emo bands entered the mainstream, newer bands began to emulate the mainstream style. As a result, the term "emo" became a vaguely defined identifier rather than a specific genre of music.

Commitmentphobia
18:38 Feb 09 2008
Times Read: 696

And well here is my other problem.........



Commitmentphobia is often most strongly apparent in romantic life. Generally, commitmentphobic people claim that they are eager to find a lasting romantic attachment and get married, yet they fail to find appropriate partners and maintain longlasting connections. Ironically, in these romantic relationships, the commitmentphobic partner craves what he/she fears most: love and connection. This paradoxical craving for a frightening reality leads to a confusing and destructive pattern of seduction and rejection. The results are emotionally devastating.



Well hell.........

Now I know whats wrong with me. lol

It sure explains a lot of things in my world.

I never even knew there was such a thing out there.

I can understand better now why I end up dating married men. I know there is no commitment there. They will come and satisfy my urgent need and leave. Go back to their safe home and wife.



Oh don't ge me wrong. I can't stand that I can't be happy with one person.

I do wish I could find that someone that will go through me and I will want to be with all the time.

But I guess I am a creature not ment for that...so I will take my love where I can get it and steal it when I can.

Don't think of me as a horrible person. I really am not. I am just being me and dealing with it.



Hell the way I look at it, I am doing some women a favor. Obviously some men aren't getting what they want at home so they go look else where. If they are happy with that, then they can be in a better mood at home, making life a bit easier for the wife. Damn I know how that sounds but, I don't know how else to say it.

~~~~It is what it is~~~~

Relationship ADD
18:19 Feb 09 2008
Times Read: 698

I finally found a word for what is wrong with me...lol

I seriously think I have Relationship ADD. I want to be in a relationship but, I get bored. Its hard for someone to keep my attention for very long. Not that they don't try, but simply because ..........oh look over there....thats pretty.

See I get side tracked and stuff like that.

I don't like routine, I can't stand getting stuck in a rut!!! and at some point in a relationship that is exactly what happens.

At first its all new and exciting. Lets explore and learn all about each other and have a blast. Work, lunch dates, sex, movies, hanging out, sex, eating, cooking, sex......etc

Then slowly things get in a routine. Work, home, dinner, kids, tv, bed.....oh yeah better have sex , then it gets even worse .......work, work, home maybe dinner, kids, sleep...

Kinda like it just gets settled into a rut. I can't stand that.

And instead of staying around for that to happen as soon as I see the routine setting in ....Im backing out the door. Fuck, I know its not a good way to look at it but, I think thats what is wrong with me...

My thoughs spilling over
17:19 Feb 07 2008
Times Read: 710

I decided that I should start writing more about my feelings here. So whether you care to read or not is of no concern of mine. It just makes me feel better to get my thoughts out. If I hurt anyones feels, I am truely sorry. Please don't take anything said in my journal personal. My mind can go a bit crazy now and again and I will rant on about the most insignificant things.

I have things going on in my life that I can foresee to become major life changing issues......

the most important at the moment is my Grandfather.

My Grandfather is dying of Cancer. I will be writing more about him and things as time goes on.

My Grandfather ~ My Hero
17:13 Feb 07 2008
Times Read: 711




My grandfather is the strongest man I have ever known in my entire life. I love him so much! I have based so much of what I do in life on 'what will papa think'.



He is fighting his last battle and it breaks my heart that he is losing. But, you know hes still strong, just getting tired. He says the doctors don't know what the hell they are really doing and are just using him as a guinny pig.



He said today that he is tired. He isn't going to take any more treatments. He has lost nearly 75lbs in the last few months. I teased him that was a hell of a diet! lol..just needed to hear him laugh.



You know they put a port in him on his second visit and the damn thing nearly never works!!! I suggested that he tell them to take it back and he wants a refund..lol



He has to go today for more white blood cells. And I am so pissed that I cannot be the one to give him anything. Im B+ and he is O+ damn it!!! I would give him my last drop of blood if I could. He said he knows that and wouldn't take it even if he could.



Damn, Im just babbling here but, I just needed to .....I want to cry but, as he says crying isn't going to make it better. But, sometimes it makes me feel better to do it.



And here lately, he cries too......GD, I can't even explain how that hurts.

I love reading Whelp Profiles........
13:23 Feb 07 2008
Times Read: 716

"i am a 13 year old. i have black hair with blond streaks brown eyes and tan skin. i live in arizona and am currently single at the moment. i have had 1 bf, but he was strange. black and red are my fave colors and my favorite animal is a black cat. my nick name is kiki and i have a lot of strange friends. i would like to meet someone else on here. i will be on here a lot apparently. my family is very close to me but i have my secrets. if you would like to know more about me, e mail me or something. don't ask. its a friends e mail... retarded huh?"





Ok, she's only 13 and single!!! OMG I must be getting old! She better be single......



She had a bf and he was strange.....LMAO and now she wants to meet someone here on VR, right.....theres no one strange here is there...lol



Oh and she is using a friends email account.......retarded?........I am not even gonna go there.......lol

What do I want.......
02:12 Feb 05 2008
Times Read: 734

I was asked tonight what I look for in a guy....lol

well.......I guess I don't know since I cant seem to keep one. Not to mention all my guys end up being married or I chase them off.





Im a very complex but simple person.

Men love to love me and then hate me.

I tend to get bored rather quick.

I need a lot of attention but, not too much.

I want some one there but not all the time.

I want to be the center of his world but, not his entire world.

I want him to worship the ground I walk on, but walk beside me.

I want him at my becon call, but when he has time for me.

I need constant assurance of love, but not so much that it sounds mundain. (sp)

I need to be loved and touched daily

I want some one to love me and be able to handle all my issues.....or at least be able to deal with them and still love me.