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December always has mixed feelings to me. Its that time of year of 'get in the holiday spirit' and death. I was so busy at work this fall that I never even decorated for Halloween or Thanksgiving. So I made it a point to make sure I got the xmas stuff out right away. The boys have the xmas tree up and decorated. I feel like I haven't seen them for ever. They spent every weekend in November w their dad hunting. He must really suck as a hunter............out of the three of them and four weekends........not one deer. hmmmmmmm

I love xmas ........I enjoy giving and making people have that warm fuzzy. But then there is so much death looming around this month....I can feel him hanging out. Just waiting. Clearly I can see who will be going. I need to talk to Sean and see if he has had any dreams lately. He tends to have premanition(sp) dreams.

But my stepdad is not doing well at all. At thanksgiving he had the death vail look......very ashy. His doctor says if he doesn't feel better by end of this weekend he is to go to the er so they can drain fluid off his heart. His kidneys are also failing........then my mom well she is going to out live everyone. But she just likes to make a spectical of herself and hog attention. The stints they put in a few weeks ago, she is now saying her chest hurts more and she is alergic to the material they used....really? wtf? only my mom.

My friends mom had exploritory surgery yesterday, her organs seem to be hardening and she has blood clots throughout her body and her liver seems to have rusted through...........I believe the surgery was to determine if it is cancer, if so they will just send her home to be comfortable.

I suppose I should be happy for all the people who are in the last stages of death right now.......they are on their way out of all the pain and moving onto the next level.

Its kinda hard to be chipper and jolly this time of year.lol

But since I look at death as a next step I am pretty much good with it all.

My boys understand death as I do so it makes it a bit easier for them to deal with....but it will still be hard for them. I keep all subjects open for discussion at anytime for them.............