The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Have you ever had an unshakable urge for something, and no matter how much you try, you can't break the hold it has over you? Yeah, that's how I feel right now with the idea of Alice In Wonderland. I was craving the Disney movie for months, and last night, I found it on YouTube. But then my mind started wandering. First to the drug aspect of the story. I mean, yeah, at first glance it isn't anything terribly bad, especially when you're watching the Disney version, but then you start realizing just how much acid someone has to be on in order to see this kind of stuff. One thing is for sure, if you happen to do acid, don't watch this movie... The outcome wouldn't be pretty. Or so I imagine. I've never done acid, nor will I ever do acid. Not exactly my cup of tea...



But after that, my mind wandered farther. I remembered seeing this game when I was in middle school about a very dark version of Alice In Wonderland. So, naturally, I looked it up, and found American McGee's Alice. It's only for the computer, and I have to say that I really REALLY want it. Lol. It looks like my kind of game, and the way I see it, after finishing Fatal Frame 2: Crimson Butterfly to the point where I make fun of the ghosts, I'll be able to play this game no problem. But, as is my mind, wandering started again until I came across not one or two, but three up-coming movies based on Alice In Wonderland. The one I'm looking forward to the most is Tim Burton's take on it (especially since Johnny Depp is the Mad Hatter. Squee!!), and the second one is the one based on American McGee's Alice.



I hope I'll be able to get this need of mine satisfied soon... For now, however, I'll find Lewis Carroll's story and start from there. Currently, however, I have to go. My photography class starts in an hour, but I have a roll of film to start developing.

So, I just took a good look at what it is I'm currently doing, and it dawned on me... I'm a Vampire Freak. I'm lurking around the Myspace Vampire App, watching True Blood, Reading a vampire novel, AND roaming the pages of VR. I'm gonna blame it on it being Fall. Fall always seems to bring the vamp in me out much more than other seasons. Lol.

I just wanted to quickly wish everyone a very happy fall.



Best season of the year! ^_^

10 things you wish you could say to ten different people right now:

1. I wish we were as close as we used to be.

2. I'm glad we're friends. :)

3. I wish you'd stop stressing so much and just enjoy it as it comes.

4. Leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you.

5. Karma's a bitch. You'll get what you deserve, sweetheart.

6. Every thing's gonna be ok.

7. Thanks for just sticking through with me.

8. The least you could have done was get an upgrade, but baby, you downgraded.

9. I love ya, kid, but honestly, grow up.

10. I love you, and can't wait until you get back. *kiss*



9 things about yourself:

1. I'm random.

2. I'm very affectionate.

3. I've discovered that tomatoes can go on just about anything.

4. I just want to be loved for who I am.

5. I'm loyal to the very end.

6. My music reflects what's running through my head.

7. I've learned that I'm not cut out for school, but I'm still going to give it my all.

8. I am constantly nurturing my own little world.

9. I'm more complex than I let people give me credit for.



8 ways to win your heart:

1. Be genuine.

2. Have a goal in life.

3. Be intelligent.

4. Get to know the real me.

5. Respect me

6. Understand that the small things matter more than the big things.

7. Be open minded.

8. Have something to teach me.



7 things that cross your mind a lot:

1. Efff... I need a job.

2. Who, exactly, am I?

3. Seriously, shut the hell up!!

4. Ok this goes here, and that goes over there, but I'll take care of it later...

5. Learn to drive!!!

6. I wonder if he's thinking of me...?

7. Well, damn... That's not what I wanted to do...



6 things you wish you never did:

1. I wish I didn't get involved with him.

2. I wish I hadn't messed up as much as I did.

3. I wish I didn't turn down that trip to England...

4. I wish I didn't spend all that money.

5. I wish I'd made a smart choice that day...

6. I wish I could go back and change my mistakes based on what I knew now.



5 turn offs:

1. Arrogance.

2. Dishonesty.

3. Extreme laziness.

4. Extreme pushiness.

5. Closed mindedness.



4 turn ons:

1. Compassion.

2. Open mindedness.

3. Intelligence.

4. Playfulness.



3 smileys that describe your life:

1. ^_^

2. ;p

3. o.O!!



2 things you want to do before you die:

1. Live life to its fullest.

2. Be successful in every aspect important to me.



1 confession:

1. I'm terrified that I'm not going to get anywhere in life.

I figured it was time for me to add a little bit more about myself, and my own personal situations (ish... You'll see) There's also a little bit on how to handle them as they come along. I'm not exactly in the best of moods right now, so take note: Nikki the Bitch is currently at play. I may apologize for this later, then again, maybe not. Depends.



1. I really am a nice person, however, I come off as a bitch to most. Why? Simple. If I'm a bitch, I don't get attached, so if things go wrong, I end up not caring. If I get attached, tears happen, and trust me, it's not fun.

2. When I say I love you, I mean it. I don't play around with that word. If I tell you I love you, it means I will be loyal to you to the very end (be you a friend, family member, significant other...)

3. Trust is something I greatly value. Break my trust, don't expect to get it back, unless you're a family member or an EXTREMELY close friend.

4. Once you loose my trust, don't talk to me because most times I will respond with hostility. Sorry, peeps, I've been screwed one too many times already for me to take crap anymore.

5. I curse. A lot. I know it's something I should change about myself, and I can usually control it, but when I'm pissed, hurt, or just having a really bad day, it comes out full force. Don't try to change it, it'll just get me saying all sorts of pretty and colorful words until I feel satisfied. I try to keep it to a minimum around children, and around people I know really hate it, but sometimes theres really no stopping it.

6. I've been called every name in the book. From bitch to whore. If you feel the need to call me names, be creative. I like creative, and chances are that if you've put me in a foul mood, it'll diminish much quicker if you were to call me, oh say, "dolphin turd". If I don't laugh then, trust me, I'll laugh later.

7. I'm not as much of an open book as you may think.

8. Don't make plans upon plans then leave me in the dust with my hopes high. It's not nice, and quite frankly, it hurts. If something comes up, just tell me. I'll understand, I promise. Or, rather, I'll accept it. Making plans with me then pretty much going. "Ehh... Fuck it, she's not really worth my time. I have better things to do," will hurt me, and... actually, yeah, that's about it. It'll pretty much just hurt me, and that's not very nice, now is it? Heh, no, I don't think so.

9. Respect me. I'll respect you, but you must respect me, back. If I say no, it's no. End of story. Don't try to change my mind.

10. Despite my bitchy mask, I do have feelings, and I do get hurt and cry easily. If you know how to comfort me at this time, fine. If you don't, please don't try.

11. I tend to push people away. I don't like some of the things in my past, and I'd rather tell them to you and push you away right away, than have you push me away later, should you take issue with my skeletons.

12. The quickest way to my heart is to be genuine. Don't be something you think I want you to be, just to get me to fall for you.

13. I believe in the golden rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Yeah, it's the biblical version, but whatever. I agree with it. Of course, this also means that I must have been a psychotic bitch in a previous life because this life seems to enjoy dishing out the crap cards when it comes to me.

14. I don't like feeling like a jackass, so please don't make me feel like one.

15. I have a list of 101 things I want to do with someone before I hop into bed with them. It builds trust, respect, and it's just plain fun. I ask that you respect my choice in being selective with whom I choose to let in my bed. Don't make fun.

16. I have dreams, hopes, and goals. Don't smash them. It's not nice.

17. Sometimes it looks like I'm angry. Most of the times it's just that I'm sad about something, however I've learned that being angry is much better than being sad. I'd rather be pissed than cry.

18. If you see that I don't look like myself (ie- mad, sad, depressed...) and you ask what's wrong, don't be surprised if I say that I'm fine, or that nothings wrong. I know you can tell I'm not in my usual bright spirits, but that's my code for, "I really don't want to talk about it, please leave me alone." I'm not taking you for an idiot, I just don't want to talk about it. Don't drag me to a corner and try to get it out of me, because it'll just make me more upset. Just leave me be. If I want to talk, I'll talk. You don't need to know every single little bit of my life, ok?

19. When I'm in a happy mood, I have a certain way of talking. When I'm not, you can tell. Even online. My answers will be short and to the point without much more room to make further conversations. Just deal with it, ok?

20. Don't ignore me. If I happen to ask you something, don't ignore me, it just gets me asking the same question over and over again, and if you ignore me long enough, I start yelling. Not only do I yell, but then I get in a bad mood.



*sighs* Ok, I think I'm actually done venting.



For now.

No se porque me esta pasando esto. Yo era fuerte, y ahora no to lo soy. Se que nunca va ser como yo lo quiero entre tu y yo. Tengo miedo creer lo que tu me dises.



Tengo tanto que decir, pero no se donde empezar...

COMMENTS

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LordOfNoctemAeternus
10:04 Sep 20 2008

Not because I am going on this. I was strong, and now to what I am. It was never going to be like me what I want from you and me. I'm afraid what you believe me dises.



I have so much to say, but do not know where to begin ...

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unpretty
04:39 Sep 21 2008

Para alguna razón esto no hace ningún sentido a mí.

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I am so fucking tired of having people shove christianity down my throat. People who don't even live the christian lifestyle. God fucking damn. I'm tired of it. I can't wait until I move out.



My mother expects me to respect her religion and her belifes and whatever, but she refuses to respect mine, all because she, "knows I'm not making the right choices"



Something else I don't get is when people get so offended when others use "Jesus' name in vain" when they really don't care that people say "Oh my God!" or "God damn!" Does that make sense to you? They're essentially the same fucking person. It just makes me want to yell out "JESUS MOTHER FUCKING CHRIST!!!"over and over again.



I'll respect you, but you had best respect me, too. Don't fucking shove your shit down my throat, because you'll be confronted by hostility. I'm not you. I like who I am. You're christian? Fine. I'm not. End of story.

COMMENTS

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ThePinja
22:57 Sep 19 2008

ever had someone say " think of baby Jesus don't make him sad" that's a psychotic break waiting to happen.

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"If you die, your loan obligation will be cancelled."



I'm working on getting a student loan, since my school decided it wanted to be mean and not tell me what type of stuff I could get. So... Yeah, I stumbled onto that quote and it just made me laugh. Just the first part of it, and the fact that it starts off a paragraph. "If you die..."



*giggles*

Omg, I've been so restless today. I'm exhausted, and I haven't done ANYTHING today. Not a single goddamned thing. Bored outta my mind.



Ok, well, no, wait... I did go and take some pictures today at Lake Mills Park, and then went to the bookstore and then to Michael's, but I really didn't do too much. It was a horrible day. And tomorrow I have to get up early as hell to help my best friend move a few of her things from where she used to live, to her new place. Geh... Thank goddess I know how to make coffee, because you had better believe I'll be making myself some when I wake up. I'm gonna need it. Big time.



Hm... I remind myself of a more chattier version of Ivy Tamwood everyday. Interesting.



Yeah, I'm gonna go. I have nothing to talk about anymore. Maybe I'll go stare at the wall for a bit, and see what happens there.



*grumbles something about pre-fall and how it's not supposed to be this boring*

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want to get myself for my birthday. I mean, it's coming up in less than a month, and though it's not the big huge 21, it's still a transitional age. I'll no longer be a teenager. I'll never again be a teenager. I'll be in my twenties. Omg, I'll be in my very, extremely early twenties. Eek. Scary.



So, I was thinking, "What would be a good present to give myself?" Then, it hit me. Either 2 new piercings, or a new piercing and a tattoo would be a nice little self given gift. I know what I want piercing-wise, and I know one of the tattoos I want, but I can't decide which of the two choices I should go with. *sigh* I'd make a joke and say sarcastically "what a huge decision" but in reality, it is. If I decide I want my tattoo first, then I'll be stuck with it for the rest of my life (unless I start shitting money, in which case I can pretty much do whatever the fuck I want.) Actually, I lied. I know two tattoo's I want, but I don't know which one I'd want done, first. I want a star on the top of my right foot, and a moon on the base of my neck.



Arg. I guess I have some time to decide what it is I want. I just have to find a place that does what I want the proper way, not the el-cheapo way.

**This isn't my work. I just really like this poem, so I put it up.**



Will you walk into my parlour?" said the Spider to the Fly,

'Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;

The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,

And I've a many curious things to shew when you are there."

Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "to ask me is in vain,

For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."



"I'm sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high;

Will you rest upon my little bed?" said the Spider to the Fly.

"There are pretty curtains drawn around; the sheets are fine and thin,

And if you like to rest awhile, I'll snugly tuck you in!"

Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "for I've often heard it said,

They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed!"



Said the cunning Spider to the Fly, " Dear friend what can I do,

To prove the warm affection I 've always felt for you?

I have within my pantry, good store of all that's nice;

I'm sure you're very welcome -- will you please to take a slice?"

"Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "kind Sir, that cannot be,

I've heard what's in your pantry, and I do not wish to see!"



"Sweet creature!" said the Spider, "you're witty and you're wise,

How handsome are your gauzy wings, how brilliant are your eyes!

I've a little looking-glass upon my parlour shelf,

If you'll step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself."

"I thank you, gentle sir," she said, "for what you 're pleased to say,

And bidding you good morning now, I'll call another day."



The Spider turned him round about, and went into his den,

For well he knew the silly Fly would soon come back again:

So he wove a subtle web, in a little corner sly,

And set his table ready, to dine upon the Fly.

Then he came out to his door again, and merrily did sing,

"Come hither, hither, pretty Fly, with the pearl and silver wing;

Your robes are green and purple -- there's a crest upon your head;

Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!"



Alas, alas! how very soon this silly little Fly,

Hearing his wily, flattering words, came slowly flitting by;

With buzzing wings she hung aloft, then near and nearer drew,

Thinking only of her brilliant eyes, and green and purple hue --

Thinking only of her crested head -- poor foolish thing! At last,

Up jumped the cunning Spider, and fiercely held her fast.

He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den,

Within his little parlour -- but she ne'er came out again!



And now dear little children, who may this story read,

To idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne'er give heed:

Unto an evil counsellor, close heart and ear and eye,

And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly.



by Mary Howitt 1821.

Ok, so, hm... Just a quick note. Yeah, so I'm pretty sure I'd totally freak if something like what happened in "The Invasion" happened. Holy hell. It's almost as bad as zombies. Almost. At least there's a cure for the vomit freaks. There's no cure for zombification.



Holy fuck. No, seriously. I'd freak in the worst way.

Right, so I just saw HBO's new series, "True Blood" and zomg, it's gonna be my new Sunday night show. God, why can't real life vamps be that fucking sexy? Or that gentlemen like... Jizzus. *sigh*





That's all I had to say. ^_^

I've been thinking a lot about him lately. I miss him, and I think I just realized how much. I know he'll be back in just a few months, and I'm really anxious about it, because I know that he'll just be back for a little while, then he's gone, again. Currently, we're only about 6 hours away, but I've never felt so far away from him. 6 hours. He's a tank and a half of gas away from me. I hate being so close to someone yet so far.



When he left, he didn't say goodbye. It hurt a lot. After a bit, I figured it was because he was trying to tell me he didn't want me, but that reasoning didn't seem right. I tried moving on, but in the end, everything points to him. *sigh* Stupid basic training....



It's weird dreaming about him as much as I do. Maybe he's dreaming of me too. Maybe not. Geh. Now I sound like a sap. Maybe we're connecting on the astral level. That's a fun thought. I think I'll entertain it a bit longer. ^_^



On a different note, I've changed my major. I'm no longer a film/photography major, I'm just photography. Because I want to get a BS rather than a BA or BFA, I have to move to Daytona Beach within the next year, or so. I'll be on my own. Completely on my own. I'll have my own place. My own kitchen, bathroom, living room, dining room... Everything. I'll be all mine. That's gonna be a huge step. I'm excited and scared at the same time.