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4 entries this month

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03:26 Feb 26 2009
Times Read: 681

I can't help but roll my eyes at some people. I dunno, maybe I'm just extremely biased, and can't get past how I think and view some people. The have complete respect for someone. Why? This person follows blindly, clinging to every word spoken and claiming it as fact. Why follow and respect this kind of person? They are, in the grand scheme of things, very insignificant. This is one person I will NEVER respect and will never consider as anything other than someone I outrank. How do I outrank them? Simple. I have more class, more guts (I question authority if I feel there's a problem with it), and I am far stronger both emotionally and I'm sure physically. I don't act in cowardish ways.

*sigh* I just needed to vent. If this person and I ever come face to face, they better know their place, because if they so much as utter a word to me, I will rip them a new one. Some people will never earn my respect.

On a much lighter note, my Western Civ teacher calls me and my friends the Three Musketeers. ^_^

COMMENTS

MidnightSong
19:03 Feb 27 2009

Ykes, who pissed you off?

03:14 Feb 18 2009
Times Read: 698

*sigh* I totally should have seen this coming, but I was too much of an asshole to see it. Why was I an asshole? Because asshole's get fucked by dicks. That's what happens. God damn it! I have the worst luck with relationships it's not even funny. I seem to attract abusive/cheaters/leader-on-er's/ cowards.

Seriously... I need to either change my game, or get out of the game completely. "All my fears turn to rage." I cried, now I'm pissed.

Fucking Kangaroos... *glares*

COMMENTS

MidnightSong
05:42 Feb 18 2009

Kangaroos?? And for as long as you believe you are going to attract those kind of people, you will...you do need to change your game sis. Its called the Emerald Tablet....hope you get better soon

LadyJayOFNoctemAeternus
07:40 Feb 19 2009

i got u booboo lol its ok we can run away n get married itll be fun lol youll enharit kids yay

TheVenus
04:33 Feb 21 2009

Woohoo!! A gorgeous wifey AND 3 beautiful kids?!?! What more could a girl ask for?! Lol ^_~

The Great Search
03:59 Feb 11 2009
Times Read: 706

I feel as though I've been searching and searching for something that doesn't exist. It's not in the cards life has in store for me. It's something I've wanted since I was 5, but at the same time I'm terrified I'll find it. Or worse, that I won't. I'm confused, as I tend to get once I think I've found something wonderful. Maybe I jinx myself. Maybe I push it away without meaning to. Or maybe I mean to. I don't know. I'm scared of what I'll find behind the curtain once I finally get the courage to pull it open. I'm scared of what I won't find.

Lately I feel as though I've been watching myself from the outside. Like I'm seeing myself through a window; disconnected and distant. Shoving people away with an icy glare. I hate having to constantly remind myself to check my mask and make sure there's no holes. Very few people can see right through it. Eyes are the window to the soul. Sunglasses, I've found, work very well, but I can't wear them all the time. I feel myself crumbling to near nothingness sometimes. I feel like a lost child. I don't feel like I can compete. I don't think I have what it takes. I'm tired of being close to people and feeling more alone than ever. I hate feeling forgotten. I hate crying all the time and being depressed.

Sometimes all I want is to forget everything. Forget where I am in life. Forget who I am. Forget everything that's hurting me. No, I won't do drugs. I'm not that desperate. But sometimes getting drunk and passing out sounds like a fabulous idea. Or smoking an entire pack of cigarettes in one go and just drifting off into an incoherent slumber. My thoughts follow me everywhere. There's no escape. They won't leave me alone for one goddamn minute. When I get happy, they bring me down. I worry all the time about being good enough. I look at myself and I know I'm not.

I want to take off and just go somewhere. St. Augustine. The Keys. Anywhere. Just pack an overnight bag and go. It'll be a temporary fix to my issue. A small band aid. A kiss to make the booboo better. I know the answer to my problems lies deep within me, somewhere, but I don't know where, and honestly I'm tired of searching for these answers. I just want to forget for a while. Close my eyes and forget. Can I do that?

Is it possible to just forget?

COMMENTS

MidnightSong
03:24 Feb 12 2009

Unfortunately, the answer is no my dear sister.

Think about what you have said though hun....you are tired of feeling forgotten....but then, you want to forget everything??

I wish I could hand you over the answers to life, to your life...but I cant, I will be here though whenever you need to talk, you have my number. I dont like to see you depressed. Alcohol is not the answer either, and dont kill yourself with cancer, I love you too much to see you waste your life away.

You say that its something you have wanted since you were 5, do you not know what this is?

LadyJayOFNoctemAeternus
04:58 Feb 13 2009

y in the hel didnt u call me u know im here for whatever u need i love ya chic

07:56 Feb 06 2009
Times Read: 718

I feel like I've been watching myself lately. Looking at myself from the outside in. I feel so disconnected. I feel so alone. I hate getting excited about something, because life has taught me that the second I get excited, I don't get what was 'promised' to me.

I know I'm not enough. I know I'm not. I never have been. I feel something inside me ticking away, counting down until the day it explodes. I hate being lonely like this.

I was finally able to put accurate numbers to my sort term goals. I'll need about $6-7000 to move out, and I need to be making around $1000 a month to sustain myself. It's a very attainable goal. But, it won't cure my loneliness. Sure, I'll have Coco and Lola (my puppies), but man's best friend can only love you so much.

I feel sad, alone, depressed, and I can't escape it. It follows me everywhere I go.

COMMENTS

MidnightSong
04:18 Feb 08 2009

you are not alone...in being alone....i share that emptiness with you, my dearest sister, do not let that emptiness consume you. I hate seeing you so sad.