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Marriage. Family. Happyness. Why can't I find what it is I'm looking for? I'm tired of sleeping alone, of not having someone to hold hands with, of watching the world pass me by in a frenzy of romantic love. Is it too much to ask for when I ask to find that special someone I can settle down with and start a family with, and eventually grow old with?? I have a beautiful vision of what I want my life to be, when when I think of the reality of things, I see myself alone with one child living in a huge house I've built for myself. Just her and me. Alone. I don't want that. I want a spouse and a large family...
My dear sister, you are not alone in this feeling. You will find that love someday, I promise.
Lestat
03:36 Dec 17 2008 Times Read: 697
Lately I've felt so connected to him. It's funny. He's a fictional character, yet at times I feel I have more in common with him than I do myself. I feel utterly alone. At times, it's a comforting thought, at other times it drives me almost mad. I look around me and I see everyone with someone they love or making new friends.
I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of being yesterday's news. I feel those I love slipping from me, and yet, I feel as though I have no choice but to let them go.
I find it funny how little girls who don't know all the facts seem to think they're all high and mighty. Honestly, who the fuck do you think you are?
You may have know him longer than I have, but at least I've ALWAYS BEEN TRUTHFUL TO HIM. I've never lied to him, and I'm the ONLY FUCKING ONE who's ALWAYS told him what I thought. If I don't agree with him, he'll know it.
Get your goddamn facts straight. He didn't excommunicate me because I broke a law; he did it because what I told him nailed it right on the fucking head and it pissed him off. That's why I've been asked to come back.
My job isn't to only make sure no one from the house talks to you, so don't flatter yourself. My place is to enforce the laws and keep peace. I don't care who you are, if you break the laws, I'm going to have to set you in your place, hopefully in a non-violent way.
Before my excommunication I had made friends in the house and coven, all of whom stopped talking to me after the fact. I know where you are, the only difference is that I didn't deserve any of it. If you want to come talking shit about me, why don't you use some shit that actually holds water.
[sorry guys, but she really pissed me off, and I'd rather write this in a journal entry than message her.]
do not appologize chick u know u in the right and what u need to do n i got ur back if u ever need me to bitch... lol talk to u laters hun
PRIVATE ENTRY
00:14 Dec 04 2008 Times Read: 749
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
A world of thought.
04:05 Dec 03 2008 Times Read: 755
I'm itching to write, but nothing comes out. My muse is dangling a wonderful story just out of my grasp, and it's doing it to watch me squirm.
For the first time ever, I feel like I'm a stranger in my own world. I'm lost. I don't know where I'm going or where I am. All I know is it's dark, cool, and feels like rain. My world feels foreign to me. I feel out of touch with everything I've created. My skin doesn't quite fit me the right way. I know this feeling, but this time I can't shake it. I'm afraid of the outcome.
I miss how simple my life was when I was a child. I had a gift then, too, but I was unaware that I was using it. Everything is so difficult now. I feel used and incomplete. I'm tired of being alone. I just want someone real.
I'm so fucking tired of being told that I'm still just a child and that my opinions and beliefs are irrelevant. It's a pretty bad state of events when your own family thinks you're nothing more than a child. Yes, I'll admit, I messed up, but I wasn't the one to throw the first blow. I give respect, but I demand respect in return. When I don't get it, I stop giving it.
Am I really the bad guy always? Am I really the bitch everyone calls me to my face? I didn't used to be, but then again, I used to follow them blindly, accepting their words as absolute truth. Then, when I opened my eyes, I realized I wasn't happy where I was. So, because of that, I don't know what I'm talking about or whatever.
I feel insignificant. I feel like I don't matter. My words are shit. My opinions don't hold any importance. I'm an adult yet I'm viewed as a child. I want to go somewhere far away. I want to forget. I'm tired of not being listened to. I just need someone who won't think I live in a fantasy.
I'm tired of people who don't even know me (oh, yes, they've known me my whole life, but that doesn't mean they know me) telling me that I'm pretty much still a child and that I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm so hurt it's not even funny. I didn't realize your family could hurt you this much.
Yes, I curse a lot. I know that doesn't make me an adult. I know because I cursed this much before I was 18. But I do curse, and I enjoy it. Usually, the only time I can fully express myself is by using a curse word. Why? Because they're vulgar enough to express how I feel.
I'm tired of being treated like I'm a kid. If you don't know me, don't open your mouth against me.
COMMENTS
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NightlyXForest
06:04 Dec 23 2008
My dear sister, you are not alone in this feeling. You will find that love someday, I promise.