22:50 Dec 14 2010
Times Read: 666
Had a really good conversation with my grandmother. They don't happen very often, I got all my stubborn behavior from her. Things are good though, i'm working off my debt to her. Picking up some delicious shortbread mmmmm.
Talked about my "little" brother, he's 6'2" and 17, I'm 6'1" on a good day lol. Sadly he's coming to the end of his rope with our grandmother. Yelling, cussing, copping an attitude over nothing. Downright lying about the shit my grandmother doesn't care if you tell her the truth about. Think i'm going to have to kick his ass to get him in shape. He's trying to apply for college scholarships, finish up and graduate all while being partially deaf. He pretty much requires hearing aids. She took away his laptop, is returning the 360 she bought for him, and is giving him underwear instead. Never piss off grandmother. I mean, she's 76 for fuck's sake she's got high blood pressure, back issues, leg issues. SHES OLD, why doesn't my brother realize how much stress he's giving her? I mean I was hard headed, but finally I just up and left to be on my own.
We talked about AJ, and then Aunt Terry, and Marlena...my psycho sister. Its not the best life we've had, but we are alive, and we have all our organs and limbs. I learned young how to take care of myself and that was the moment my mother didn't really care about me anymore. It happened with John, it happened with AJ, mother died before it could happen with Marlena.
She was by no means a Saint, not a great mother after self reliance became an available option. But she was my mother, I was only 16 when AJ, and Marlena were taken from their Donor of seeds. Though even just a kid I still had the right of mind to tell my grandmother one thing. "Mom would want them to be with you grandma." Family, no matter how dysfunctional is important. To learn, to live, to love, to tolerate, and to understand through the years. We may not always like our families, but we still love them. I just wish they'd realize how much our Matriarch has done for them, at great financial, emotional, and physical labor.
Oddly enough, my older brother and I have been talking again. Funny thing, he's going through the best local Culinary Arts program. Doing stuff I know how to do, but not quite comfortable doing with someone else's money lol. He's good though, keeping his Diabetic Ass alive for now. His wif seems to be fine too, though the boys are all healthy, smart, and hellions in their own right. Ah to be one of the family. He really wants to see his Nephew, i'm working on that one. Ryan should see all of his family. I just have to deal with the red tape that is his mothers control issues.
I think back on all the events that have happened in our family. Most, sad and tragic, though a few happy and remembered quite well.
This life we've lived, it shapes us as much as we shape it. Life happens as we react to it, and it reacts to us. As chaotic as is the human condition, it is also balanced. There will always be regrets, but when you know things have worked out as best as you've allowed and you can be fairly satisfied with that its not bad at all.
My family is mine, every alcoholic, habitual liar, lazy slob, anger management canidate, and stubborn person within it. I know it could be worse, i'm happy it isn't.
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