I was riding the bus after my license test... ooo a 23 year old without a license lol.
Off Digression, I looked out, saw Mount Rainier, saw the ridgelines, the port, and then every apartment building, new construction sight, giant structure in the middle of this beautiful scenic area. We build walls, and towers, parking garages, pits in the earth lined with concrete, roads, and unnecessary flat rocked plots of land stripping away from the natural beauty that is OUR birthright. We are better, we must hold ourselves higher than nature, above the animals and what was the way for so many thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions of years. Earth, water, rock, plants, animals. Now all we are is waaste, destructive "construction," Plumes of gaseous death, and hive drones. How many people on their breaks step outside, enjoy the breeze, on a rainy washington day get a little wet. Ne'r too many, no its break rooms with tv's, cell phones, and vending machines. Nothing is out of necessity these days, its all comfort.
Of course i'm not talking about those who struggle every day just to have food, though, as I teeter between that and this I feel more... damn the term, blessed to notice, and enjoy what was here for my predecesors to bask in without its corrupted shaped parks, and sudo nature hikes. I walk to the bus, stop to smell the breeze, the faint hint of salty air coming in from the sound, pollen breaching my nasal cavity, Nature is still here its just a bit more quiet.
How many people does it really take to get up, and act to keep nature from receding any further. I already know... so long as man strives to hold off death longer and longer this home we have will become more and more crowded. Kids having kids because their parents decided excessive freedom, or extreme control without giving their children the teachings of wisdom to understand the weight of such desicions makes life seem like a cakewalk, so why be responsible now.... not like you have to see the destruction you'll be gone by then. I've never been a fan of death, its many methods, and its many sorrows. As we play god, staving off death, praising life as an air hose, walker, wheelchair and colostomy bag I have to say this. My mother was taken before she was even 36, but she did not heed warnings. After having a third child she decided a fourth was necessary. A blown mitrovalve, a woman of 3 open heart surgeries priror, caused by a birth defect of a million-1 union of my grandparents. She still had to have a fourth child, she ended up with a slow working infection, overlooked, and very fatal.
What boasting, arrogant, prideful fools are we to tame death, and nature. Every year we try to tame it, yet it still kills many. Floods, ocean storms, tornados, hurricanes, earthquakes, famine, disease. We raised ourselves too high, we can gather nothing of necessity only wait to be cut down... to topple and fall as so many civilizations before. The more we are, the more we fall. I see the vines claim the concrete where none dare afford to restore its colorless slab of land. Such nature, time cracking the cement, water providing the plant more power, and speed in its collection of land.
The basics, such simple ways. Just land, hard work and peace of mind. How I dread it, how my soul yearns for it.....
I look, I search, and I see... around, through, and past everything I need. Because the soul is good, but not who I desire. Never been a one nighter kind of guy... still not thats why this is here instead of on desk. A drunk chick is too easy. It requires no morals, no standards. Just an erection and a quick mode of entry. I work, I see Ryan, I hang with friends, then I find time for sleep. I've lost sight of what I desire... but not really.
He's all that matters now, and I wouldn't change that. I'm just going to regret other choices i've made. The ones denying me aestethic happyness I suppose. I've lost all idea of what love is at this point I think. Though I have loved, and probably will love again. But making love, and having love will always seem seperate to me I was once so co-dependent. Now a quiet place is always a welcome thing.
I haven't felt so.. lacking in years. Yet i'm not feeling as if I betrayed myself, or my beliefs. Merely my priorities different. Romantic, and physical love are on the back end. My son, and living on the front end... but how can I be living if i'm not seeking, and have desire for another to love beyond fatherly means. Who the hell have I become.... growing up never meant losing the child like ideals........
Wow, you do this over and over to me. If you enjoy fucking with my emotions yet deny me mine why am I keeping you in my life. 5 years... Still I'll never understand women. I'm sure you'll pull your vanishing act again untill you want a friendship again. Selfish bitch.
COMMENTS
I feel your pain, you might be better off just letting go and finding someone worth your time. I know easier ssaid than done.
Best friends to confide in you can't, and rest are the people who frustrate you most. Fuck. What am I doing?
nothing worth having comes easy! I don't give up on the things worth having in life. Friendship, life, love....hell a yoohoo is a trek sometimes ;) MMMMM yoohoo. I'll still be here, bugging ya cause I care.
if it matters at all or if I should just give up.
not really, love it when a customer orders a well done rib eye. I was half tempted to throw it in the deep fryer, but instead i just broiled the hell out of it. mmm taste that rubbery flavorless steak. Thats your 30 bucks for something you could have just payed 2 bucks for at mc donalds ya dumbass
COMMENTS
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Lolita
13:17 Aug 27 2009
The more we are, the more we fall..... so simple and true.
On a side note, I didn't get my licence until I was 27 lol.