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The pain that I wear I can no longer hide, tearing me apart to see what you gave away.



I wonder at times if others wake up to that shocking moment of clarity when they realize the haphazard path of destruction they've ran and it's end. Mine luckily wasn't the impact of the proverbial wall but instead it is as though I have simply woken up. My vision still blurred like the refractions of a crystal and in it I realize the pain I've been running from. Somethings take a long time to hurt, wounds you don't know are there bleed...fester and infect. Killing you slowly as you wrap false comfort around you to hide the blood spots.

Maybe I was just running toward death once more. hoping for that dark boney angel to finally accept me in it's embrace. A crash course begging for hell.

In the end it was all Perish's fault for this reality. A platinum blond reminder of who I have lost. And oh did I want to make him you. A pill or 5 and a drink...easily could have placed your mask upon his face. But I didn't, it didn't seem right...didn't seem anything more than a terrible cruelty between us. So with a brush of lips that just barely touched the corners of our mouths I said good bye.

I haven't thought of it all in months, not since I attacked you to protect myself from the pain I know still lies with in. Stitched and still bleeding upon my chest. something inside won't allow me to understand or accept the betrayals. That same thing drags memories of whispered conversations into my dreams...leaving me to wake curled into the mockery of it all.

The comforts I have found mock me with their colored surfaces. A million different flavors of escape...their medicine taste turning my stomach painfully. I fight the battle of settling into the sweet oblivion they offer and my hate at my weakness that it hurts so painfully I can't do anything but run away from it. The worst addiction in the world is not one of a physical nature but instead the sickness of spending a year running away from it all. A year being the devil...the Monster. But even this Monster grows old.

I was yours to loose...find me for I have lost myself.