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How do you measure the worth of someone? By their additude? By their sucssesfulness? My their emotions? How? How do we know who is worthless and who isn't? How the hell do we know? How do I know if I'm worthless or not? I know theirs a few people who would lie to me just to make me feel better, and I know theirs others that are tellin me the truth. But seriously, how does a person know?



I for one feel like complete shit. I haven't felt worse in my life. I feel like I have no reason to be here, that I'm nothing but a bother to everyone, and I've proven that for at least one person so far. I let slip somethin I shouldn't have, and I've done nothin to make ammends. I feel like complete shit.

Lately I've been havein these dreams where animals are involved. It's weird because I've never had aimal dreams before. Accept for when my dogs died, butt hat's understandable. It's weird, the last 2 weeks I've had an animal dream almost everynight. I've looked into the possibility of a spirit guide, but not one animal appears more then another.

As Breakhisribcage already knows, I have taken the big 'Fuck You' sign off of my head. It has been replaced with 'Handle With Care' lol. As in children, I guess you can try hookin me up. Don't force the shit though, I'd still like to stay single, as a goal, but hey, what happens happens. Even if it happens because of a few little elfs ::coughs::jimmyensleyrj::coughs:: blah, excuse me. Hahahahaha. I feel great guys, I really REALLY do.



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I'm not Hot, I'm Cute

I'm Not Sexy, I'm Beautiful

I'm Not Small, I'm Short

I'm Not Wise, I'm Smart

I'm Not A Friend, I'm A Homie

I'm Not Exstatc, I'm Happy

I'm Not Another Teenage Fuckin Whore

Friends= 4 Now/ Homies= 4 Life



Friends sometimes can't help you. Homies drop anything and everything to help, even if it's just to buy you munchies.



When friends die, they are soon forgotten. When homies die, they wont let you forget them.



When friends die you cry for them, when homies die you don't have time to cry beacuse you can't help but laugh at all the stupid times you shared.



When friends move away/graduate, you stop talking. When homies move/graduate, they hunt your ass down and MAKE you hang out.



When you cry, friends tell you what you want to hear. Homies tell you the truth, no matter how much you hate it.



Friends don't like you eating all their food. Homies eat all your food for you.



Friends talk to you in public casually. Homies actually make it known you're with them.



Friends back down when you're in trouble. Homies protect your ass.



Friends narc on you. Homies laugh at your pathetic attempts to come up with a lie.



Friends forget important days. Homies call you up the day before and say 'Bitch you better not have forgotten, we're pickin you up at 5 am, so BE AWAKE'



Friends kick you out of the house at a certain time. Homies let you stay as long as you want.



Enough is said, no one on here will ever EVER meet my standards as a homie other then these people:



Breakhisribcage

Zankou

Wolfblade

Lestatslittleslave

TOMORROW4ME



People think I'm weird for this, but it is immpossible for me to cry for Ash. When she still lived around here, if she seen me crying, she would either tell me the truth, ask me who she needed to kill, or tell me to 'get the hell over it ams, it's not worth it. Come on, I'll buy you some icecream and scooby snacks'



She was my girl, through and through. Whenever I feel like I'm going to cry, I always laugh because I remember her.



Like the times we used to go to the mall wearing mismatched pajamas. We were always togeather. Then she had to move because her dad got a new job. We lost contact for about 2 years, until we met up on here again. Then her cousin beat the shit outta her. You see, she's always had a weak heart, so she really wasn't sapposed to do anything that would get her heart going. That never stopped her though. I guess this time it was to much. She ended up getting a heart transplant. Me and the guys all had a plan to get her a bus up here so I could see her. Turns out the transplanted heart was worse then hers, and prone to heart attack.



I don't know what the family is doing, and I don't really care. I'm not angry......nah, I've learned everything happens for a reason, and I've accepted that what happens happens. If I was ment to stay single for a year, then I will be, if not, then hey. Life is to damn short to be livin it with a big 'fuck you' sign on my head. So I'm gonna enjoy every fuckin minute of it, like Ash has always wanted me to.



Highschool= Lord of the Flies with girls.

Middleschool= Days of Our Lives

Work= Highschool

Politics= Pointless

Music= Life

Life= Everything

Family= Lemons

Lemons= Fun as hell

When Life Gives You Lemons, fuck grapejuice, Make Beef Stew, Then Kick Back, Relax And Let The World Wonder How The Fuck You Got Beef Stew From Lemons

-Ashlee Black-



'Come on Ams, lighten up, you're depressing me. Hey, how about I buy you some icecream and a box of scooby snacks?' -Ashlee Black-



'Don't you ever EVER talk to her like that again you pile of mother fucking cow shit' -Ash-

'Cow shit? Where'd you get COW shit from? Why not just shit?'-Me-

'Cow shit sounded better then dog shit, and it smells worse' -Ash-



'Hey Ams?'

'Yeah Ash?'

'How long have we been friends?'

'To damn long'

'Exactly. I don't think we're friends anymore. I think we're homies now.'

'What's a homie Ash?'

'You're so fucki retarded Ams. I fuckin love you'

'Yeahyeah, now tell me damnit'

-Ash and Me-



'If this fuckin plane crashes Ams, I want you to take care of Buzzy for me, alright?'

'Hahahahahaha, you mean your fucking plush bumblebee?'

'Of course! He's very important to me'

'Hahahahahahaha. Okay Ash. Call me when you get there. I'll miss you'

'Miss you too. Oh, don't forget about me you bitch, or I'll hunt you down and make you wish you never knew me'

'Yeah yeah, get on the fuckin plane or get back in the car'

'The backseat?'

'You wish'



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Those were only a FEW of the things Ash and I said. Those were all before she left. The most memerable days. She was fucking awesome. And I never even got to say Goodbye.

I regret to tell you that this awesome of awesome girls, has died. She was my fuckin girl, my sister, my best fucking friend.



Well, she had a heart transplant, and it turned out that that heart was prone to heart attacks. Bre says she died this morning. my fuckin best girl, my partner, my friend, gone just like that.



I never even got to tell her I miss her, love her, I didn't even get to say bye for cryin out fuckin loud. I don't even have a fucking picture of her anymore. What the fucking hell.



RIP

Nicketta

Ashlee Black

Both friends, both never knew how much I cared.

COMMENTS

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Sinora
08:40 Apr 14 2008

I'm sorry for your loss.

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Yeaaah, I still haven't told Dick nothin. Everyone else has already told him I like him, and he's already said it wont happen, so what's the point of telling him myself?



To tell him



not to tell him



to tell him



not to tell him

Hahaha. Last night was fuckin great. Me, Wolfblade, Zankou, Dick, Eric, Nick and....I forgot the girls name, all went to see 10000 BC. THe movie sucked, but I had fun. Wolfblade and Dick were bein assholes, stole my sunglasses and mountain dew. Lol, I wonder if they think I'm pissed off, 'cuz I'm not. I was actin it though. I know they were just fuckin around, and they BOTH have a couple kicks comein to em. Be afraid Wolfblade

Bah. Why can't they just....BLAH! I don't even know. Well, I wonder where a white lie becomes a lie. I figure everyone has the right to lie about likeing someone if they're afraid they'll get hurt. I guess that's just part of life though, getting hurt I mean. It's not going to help at all to put a 'fuck you' sign on my head. I guess next time I see Dick, I"ll tell him myself what everyone else has been telling him. So what if he doesn't like me back? Theirs other guys out there, but I've learned my lesson about telling people how I really feel. Well, I wont out-right tell them. If they ask, I"ll tell em. And he's asked more then once, and I've denied it almost everytime.

hahahaha. I know my friends are pullin their hair out now. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get rid of this account. To many people I don't like keep fuckin with me. Thank god they don't read my journal......and if they do, I'll get em for harrasment. ANYWAY, I'm pretty sure I'm going to delete this account and make another. Possible names are:



Le Poodle

PoodleWuzHere

PWH

Poodle



you see, poodle is my most used nickname, and I've grown attatched to it, I barely answer to amber anymore.

BAH! I should hurt Zankou. We've been talkin about his nephew, and I got my hopes up. I HATE when that happens. I know damn well this isn't going to happen.



Now, about other guys, they need to make up their fuckin minds! THey keep playin fuckin games, one minute they hug me, when another girl comes along they don't know me. It's complete bull shit. It's pissin me off, I'm about to tell em all to fuck off. Well, accept for one, Zankou's nephew. I know he really likes this one girl, so I can't relly be mad at him. I just hope she doesn't hurt him, he's a really nice guy.



And NO Zankou, I'm not saying that because I like him.

I found this to be kool. Seen it on my friends page, and looked it up. These are the most interesting versions mixed togeather to make a new:



The famous speaker who no one had heard of said:

Ladies and jellyspoons, hobos and tramps,

cross-eyed mosquitos and bow-legged ants,

I stand before you to sit behind you

to tell you something I know nothing about.

Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,

there's a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only;

wear your best clothes if you haven't any.

Please come if you can't; if you can, stay at home.



Admission is free, pay at the door;

pull up a chair and sit on the floor.

It makes no difference where you sit,

the man in the gallery's sure to spit.

The show is over, but before you go,

let me tell you a story I don't really know.





In the middle of the day, one dark night,

Identical twins, went out to fight.

One was black, the other was white,

Both their mothers, in a state of fright.



Back to back they faced the other,

drew their swords and shot each other.

One was blind and the other couldn't, see

So they chose a dummy for a referee.

A blind man went to see fair play,

A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"



A paralysed donkey passing by,

Kicked the blind man in the eye,

Knocked him through a nine inch wall,

Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,



A deaf policeman heard the noise,

And came to arrest the two dead boys,

If you don't believe this story’s true,

Ask the blind man he saw it too!

through a knothole in a wooden brick wall.

And the man with no legs walked away.



Now, Although deceased, the two boys sued.

The blind judge noticed, they were both subdued

"The law's the law! You both must hang!"

"In the electric chair", the jury sang.

"We're sorry", cried the two dead boys.

"We thought the swords were just plain toys"



Their bodies did lay, side by side,

In unkown graves, marked "Hare Nor" "Hide"

You never knew which did the errands,

Identical twins, 'cept for their parents



And the narrator,

With his story untold,

Meekly whispered,

Loud and bold,

The beginning words,

To the meeting's end,

You, my enemy,

Are now my friend,

Oh, I see said the blind man,

To his deaf daughters on the disconnected telephone





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hehehehe, I like it, alot! ^.^

I can't stand my fuckin dad. He's such a fuckin asshole. I wish he would get the fuck outta my life and stay out. Mom's not much better either. I wish they would get a fuckin divorce. Alls they do is fight over stupid shit. And my dad's takein the role of 'Anthony can do no wrong, Amber is a pile of shit' think I"m fuckin kidding? I'm trying to do fuckin homework and I'm at the computer, I get yelled at for Anthony breaking the mirror, because 'I'm sapposed to be watching him' yeah bull fuckin shit! He was fuckin awake, HE could be watching him while I try and pass school. Fuck that. I can't fucki nwait till I get to go to John's tomorrow. I love it there. So much better then here. At least those guys actually give a damn if I'm alright or not. Fuck this.

COMMENTS

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Lestatslittleslave
21:48 Apr 02 2008

hey, my dad used to be the same way!!! cept, we don't speak to each other anymore.

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