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It's ugly, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm plagued by it.

I envy the healthy.

I envy the strong.



And I envy the shapeshifters of the world. I may be a vampire, but I'm still bound to one body, one shell. I envy those out there who can take another form, whatever it is, whole or in part, physically or spiritually. I wish I could feel the kind of freedom they have. I wish more than anything that I could escape the limits and weaknesses I've inherited. Part of me curses my family line for the insidious illness I carry, and I'm obviously not speaking of my vampire blood. It's this disgusting human illness I have that keeps me from being entirely who I feel I should be, the person I deserve to be.



The very idea that I could 'carry vampirism', as one of my confidants puts it, and at the same time carry a human syndrome that will ultimately destroy me DESPITE my vampiric traits...I still don't know what to make of it. If anything, the lore of this world would suggest that I would be naturally healthier and stronger than other people, yet I'm physically one of the weakest people I know. What does that make me? A half-blood or something? From what I can tell, no one else in my immediate family is like me. I'm an anomaly. I wasn't 'turned', I was born a vampire, and it makes no sense considering no one else in my family is one. How is that possible? Sometimes I wonder, how is any of this possible?



How am I possible?



Raine

The Mad Mistress