The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

04:53 Dec 29 2015
Times Read: 258


A dark and fallen angel,

Searching for the light,

True beauty lies with your soul,

Don't let it fade away...



Words of wisdom give to me in high school from a dear friend...



I am fading, fading to an abyss that has been the life i have built around me. Its kinda messed up when your vampire rave journal is your only safe haven from the real world and your issues. i know my now ex wont find my journal and i can rant and scream all that i want, not that i necessarily will.



What would you do???



You moved across 4 states to be closed to your partners family 6 months ago...

you have just broken up...

your mother is not well and all though she normally hides it she has openly asked you to come home cause she needs help...

your tied to the lease in this state till October...

you have a baby girl with your partner and he has said when the lease is up both you and your baby can leave together...

He still loves you and tells you this...

its your fault for the break up, you were starting to many fights and drove it to this point so you ended it...

he wasn't to get back together, you don't...

and to top it all off someone in his family has said to him "don't worry its just her meds when they settle down you will both be right again"...





Go home?

stay?

Try again? (this is not the first break up)



i'm hurting, not cause its over but because i don't know what to do now...

06:22 Dec 25 2015
Times Read: 268

Merry Christmas all,



today i celebrated with out my relatives but with my daughter and her father and his family.



it was a nice day but im looking forward to a safe night at home.



blessings to all

18:33 Dec 22 2015
Times Read: 274

Woke early this morning, 3:40am... not my normal 8 or 9 am but was nice to be able to listen to some avenged sevenfold and see the sun rise. some cherryripe tea and toast and its been a good morning. yesterday was a painful and confusing day but now... now things are looking up again. I am surrounded by beautiful caring friends here online and i am ever so greatful



Ever since i moved 6 months ago ive been very alone, no one to talk to here and no one to call my friend. i got a lot of work a head of me and lots of choices to make. i must decide if i stay or go home and fight to take my daughter with me, i would NEVER leave her behind.

04:06 Dec 21 2015
Times Read: 286

we talked, got mad, walked away



talked, got upset, avoided each other



did food shopping, argued, had lunch,



talked to each other... i made a point



he turned it back on me... and now he is on xbox and im lurking on the rave...



result: fucking nothing sorted!

11:20 Dec 20 2015
Times Read: 294

its hard when you are in a relationship and only you see problems. you try all sorts of things but communication is nearly non existent and so are other things. I honestly question if its my mental health again that making me question it all again. this has happened before. it was all blamed on me and my mental illness and we broke up for 6 months. i got scared of being alone and ran back to what i had it was great for a while but now i question if i made the right choice. was i selfish and weak for what i have done.



i want my daughter to grow up with a father, its only fair and i know how much my father meant to me i dont know if i can stay in a foreign state so far from all that i know and love, i then will truly know what it means to be alone...

04:17 Dec 20 2015
Times Read: 301

*smashes head in to keyboard repeatedly*



this is how i feel at the moment, my anxiety levels are though the roof and this down mood is kicking my ass. i don't like waking up wishing for my fate to come swiftly, i don't like feeling that all would be better off with out me. im a person, and im just as important as the next. i need to keep going just keep on going.

PRIVATE ENTRY
07:34 Dec 19 2015
Times Read: 309


• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •

00:13 Dec 19 2015
Times Read: 316

Living in a state of confusion, its hard to explain whats wrong with out sounding crazy. but i live a life where i crave the bonds and restrictions that i don't currently have.



years ago i was introduces to a life style, a way of living which filled me with joy and happiness because it allowed to me make someone else feel loved, honored and respected. respect is earned and they abused my trust so i left and never looked back. 9years later and in a much different position i miss what i had but not who i had it with.



many have come and gone in my life but i have someone to stay and what i need is not being met. id ask whats a girl to do but honestly i don't think i want to know. i'm happy in my relationship, i love him. he is just not the disciplinary i need right now. i have not gone searching for any one or anything and refuse to because i believe everything happens for a reason and if its meant to happen it will, I'm hoping that fate have a bigger plan for me.

PRIVATE ENTRY
05:41 Dec 18 2015
Times Read: 319


• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •

04:26 Dec 07 2015
Times Read: 344

So at 13 i was told to pick a career and follow it... I did, after years i became a hairdresser and now i cant even get work in the industry.



currently living unemployed, cant pick up hairdressing, cant get retail or anything as a matter of fact as there is just a lack of jobs is killing me. there is so much dependent on the money we bring in and with nothing coming in it sucks. hopefully it will all become better in the new year, all i can do is try and hope

09:20 Dec 06 2015
Times Read: 353

257 days and counting...



going under the knife and saving my life.

choices
06:18 Dec 04 2015
Times Read: 366

Word escape me, so much going on, chrsitmas time, lack of funds, job hunting (currently unemployed), change over of medications etc i feel lost and trapped at ot of the time but part of that could just be my anxiety talking.



I have such ambitious goals but where i live now i feel trapped and scared i recently moved e states away from home and family to live closer to my partners family and ive had a lot of trouble making new friends and being social. I am the kind of person who survives on being active and social so this is a HUGE curve ball for me.



im a bit home sick, a bit scared, my life back home has changed so much i cant go back to the same home and friends as others have moved on too. do i tough it out and carve my path here or run home and cling to the strands of my old life that are left...

The Lady of Lace
05:02 Dec 03 2015
Times Read: 390

I am The Lady of Lace, my name is not important, its who i am hat counts. I am on a life changing journey and well, i need some sort of outlet to express myself where better then a journal? (yes an online and visible to the public journal might not be the best idea but maybe it will hep keep me accountable)



For starters my profile picture is not me (haha) i wish i could pull off a photo like that. no i am 330lbs, 5 foot 8 and I'm trade trained but currently unemployed and i am on a mission to lose weight and improve my life.



I am scheduled for surgery 19th August 2016 on the Gold Coast just out of Brisbane, Australia. I am having the Vertical Sleeve Gasectomy done. This is an Extreme and Serious surgery where 2/3rds of your stomach is stapled and removed from the body. i am doing this to Aid me in my weight loss, this is not a quick fix and is but a tool to help me lose weight, it wont do it for me.



my goal is to lose a total of 176lbs and whilst on my weight loss journey in 2017 i want to go on to study certificate 3 and 4 in fitness qualifying me as a personal trainer. it is going to be a long journey and I've been big all my life so it will be a huge change to me. I have no choice i have to do this, if i don't I'm only going to die.