The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

The Queen's working day begins like many people's - at her desk.



After scanning the daily British newspapers, The Queen reviews her correspondence and berates as many lowly servants as she can dismissing a few to spread terror amongst the staff.



Every day, 200-300 (and sometimes many more) letters from the public arrive. The Queen chooses a selection to read herself and tells members of her staff how she would like them to be answered. "These piss ant annoyances must be dealt with rapidly." The queen has been know to say. Her staff is thorough in responding to all missives.



This enables Her Majesty personally to see a typical cross-section of her daily correspondence. Virtually every letter is answered by staff in her Private Secretary's office or by a lady-in-waiting while the queen is massaged and bathed by large African staff bred for her entertainment and erotic distraction.



The Queen will then see, separately, two of her Private Secretaries with the daily quota of official papers and documents. This process takes upwards of an hour. This allows the queen time for beating random passers by which she does for sadistic delight and to sow fear among the populace.



Every day of every year, wherever she is, The Queen receives from government ministers, and from her representatives in the Commonwealth and foreign countries, information in the form of policy papers, Cabinet documents, telegrams, letters and other State papers. When her advisers deliver said documents she tells them to sod off and then leave post haste.



These are sent up to her by the Private Secretaries in the famous 'red boxes'. All of these papers have to be read and, where necessary, approved and signed. The queen ignores any further reference to these items as she is drinking alcoholic beverages with her girlfriends much of the day thereafter.



A series of official meetings or 'audiences' will often follow. The Queen will see a number of important people. Upon meeting said dignitaries she will grimace and receive gifts then have them ushered beyond the palace grounds.



These include overseas ambassadors and high commissioners, newly appointed British ambassadors, senior members of the British and Commonwealth Armed Forces on their appointment and retirement, and English bishops and judges on their appointment. All such high official will be told to fuck off as they leave the castle proper.



Each meeting usually lasts 10 to 20 minutes, and usually The Queen and her visitor meet alone. Alone means with 15-20 staff to conduct all work while the queen looks bored.



The Queen may also meet a number of people who have won prizes or awards in a variety of fields such as literature or science, to present them individually with their prize. The queen has often been heard to say,"Oh, bully for you. You little dipshit. Here is another award. Get the fuck out of here."



If there is an Investiture - a ceremony for the presentation of honours and decorations - it begins at 11.00am and lasts just over an hour. The Queen usually meets around 100 people at each Investiture to present Orders, decorations and medals. The queen often nods off and staff take over to conduct further proceeding while the queen rest from her weary schedule.



The Queen will often lunch privately. Every few months, she and The Duke of Edinburgh will invite a dozen guests from a wide variety of backgrounds to an informal lunch. Occasionally, the guest list may consist of far fewer people, such as a newly appointed or retiring Governor-General and their guest. The queen hates people. Royalty commoners, she fucking hates people. Guest mean she will dine alone in general or with a handsome man who has been instructed to say nothing and look like a greek god.



If The Queen is spending the morning on engagements away from her desk and other commitments, she will visit up to three venues before lunch, either alone or jointly with The Duke of Edinburgh. The queen does as she pleases. Her schedule is merely bullshit to awe the masses.



It was a glorious day my subjects.



I must go. I have further "work" to attend to at public expense.



I hope you have enjoyed your visit. Now don't let the door slap your ass as you are roughly escorted off the palace grounds...