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Seems like my family is getting smaller and smaller every year. Both sides of my parent's families would always get together for all the major holidays, at separate times of course. Now, my family has distanced themselves from each other. I remember being a little kid and how much fun it was to see my cousins and other relatives. As I got older, I saw how some of them viewed and treated each other. There's a lot of jealousy in my family, mostly involving the family business.

My dad runs a machine shop. He does pretty good for being almost 60 years old. My mom works at an elementary school and worked her way up too. Things weren't always easy and when I'm sixty, hopefully I have something to show for all my work -hopefully I'll be selling platinum over and over.

One thing, my parents Money Is Not My Money! I'm having trouble paying my house payments, get some help here and there to pay for my other bills, and if it wasn't for some of my circumstances, I'd be back to eating once a day, or less. In the winter, my house is 55 degrees at night and when I'm gone in the day. How's that for being short changed? Somedays I have to put the remaining change that I have left over towards gas for my car.

Also, my parents and I don't get along. Haven't for years, since I was about thirteen. Now I'm thirty one. See how I value family? I need it, had it once, and lost it. Talking about family, let me explain to you in a future entrie about my: Adoption.

Yesterday was allright. I had dinner with my daughter, parents and grandma. We went out to eat instead of having a homemade dinner. This is the first time we've ever done that.

Seems like my family is getting smaller and smaller every year.

Worked on my vocals everday this week. I think that's my greatest weakness at this point. Went through some of my old guitar lesson books and relearned some of the notes and names. I transferred that over to piano and found my Baritone octave. After that, I was able to be more comfortable when I was trying to sight sing the notes. Actually, I can -Hear the music now, and concentrate more easily.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. I had dinner with my daughter, parents and grandma. We went out to eat instead of having a homemade dinner. This is the first time we've ever done that. Seems like my family is getting smaller and smaller every year.

Took my daughter for a walk in the woods. I told her all about how when I was her age, I'd play in the woods with friends/neighbors, ride my bike, have rasberry & grape fights, and make forts. She thought that was pretty cool and it made her happy.

Worked on my vocals everday this week. I think that's my greatest weakness at this point. Went through some of my old guitar lesson books and relearned some of the notes and names. I transferred that over to piano and found my Baritone octave. After that, I was able to be more comfortable when I was trying to sight sing the notes. Actually, I can -Hear the music now, and concentrate more easily.

Yesterday was allright. I had dinner with my daughter, parents and grandma. We went out to eat instead of having a homemade dinner. This is the first time we've ever done that.

Seems like my family is getting smaller and smaller every year.

Worked on my vocals everday this week. I think that's my greatest weakness at this point. Went through some of my old guitar lesson books and relearned some of the notes and names. I transferred that over to piano and found my Baritone octave. After that, I was able to be more comfortable when I was trying to sight sing the notes. Actually, I can -Hear the music now, and concentrate more easily.

Hi ho the dairy 'o, the mouse is dead. Took about an hour, new record.

I don't usually write this much in one day, but here's the most important part of my journal.



I'm a single, divorced Father. I have a daughter whose name is Larissa. She was born in 1998 and is currently, as of today, 8 years old Nov'06. She's my everything and I'm proud to be her daddy. Her name is from the ancient Greek language and come to mean: Happiness/or happy. I gave her that name in hopes that she would be blessed with happiness, and because she brings me happiness. I smile whenever I think of her.

She lives with her Mother and I have times set up through the week to see her. It's hard because she's in school and lives around her Mom's schedule. I don't feel like I ever get to see her enough.

Her Mom and I dated as teenagers and married when I was 21 and she was 19. Tooooo young, there's so many changes that people go through and unless you go through the relationship and most likely a divorce, you probably wouldn't understand. Least I didn't, but what I know now has changed me for the rest of my life.

Before we got married we joined a church (that's another entry), when we did get married, 4 years after dating, things happened fast. I felt the calling to go to a college called Andrews University to study religion. I didn't want to be a pastor so to say, but somewhere in the administration area.

One month after our wedding, she got pregnant, and that fall '97, is when I moved to college and she soon followed. The next Spring, '98 we had a little baby girl.

My daughter came along and everyone was happy. Though, things turned in another direction about in her 4th month. We found out that she was legally blind. Mind you, I found out while I was on a summer long evangelistic field school. I was near Lansing, MI, out in the country two hours away when I got the phone call. It broke my heart. The next thing we had to worry about, as we/doctors, scrambled to find out if there was anything else, was when got the word that she may have brain damage. I cried and cried, to be honest. Here I was giving myself to God in every complete way that I knew how, and this happened. On top of this, our marriage was destined to fall apart. As the stress grew, so did the problems. We found out that Larissa had a small pituitary glad, which is why she has to have a growth hormone shot everyday. We learned that she had thyroid trouble, which she takes meds for everyday. As she grew, more things came about, like when we found out she had been having seizures, which we found out about 4 years ago 2002'ish. During the late 1990's I was going to school, trying to be a Father, working 2nd or third shift at somepoint, and was going 24 hours a day.

I tried to be the best person I could be. I changed my clothing, personality/mindset, the things I watched, listened to and ate. I was all about it. Though it turned out in no rewarding way. I'll touch on some of the other happenings in later journals. But for now, know that today, today, is my time to be with my daughter. I love her, she is my everything, I want her to know that.

Talked to Matt Kyle, owner of Beware Records, just a couple days ago. We're still going back and forth with this business plan stuff and luckily he got the mixing done for the R&B group, RLJ.

Because, out of nowhere comes the breakdown of some of his recording equipment, putting the studio out of business for three weeks. If you can believe it, the new piece of equipment that he bought to replace it had it's electric blow out just a couple days later. What the hell?

Sent John Battaglia an email to keep in touch and tell him what's been going on in my life. Told him about how I enjoyed his book, went through my closet and got rid of a lot of worthless clothing (when it comes to a rockstar image), and asked some basic questions.

Pretty easy day today. Making it my day, gotta do that once in a while. Did have to rake leaves, that blows, but it only lasted an hour. I think I've been downloading music since 10am and its now...3:30 pm. The internet is way cool when it comes to bringing a lot of memories back that I've forgotten.

Been listening to King Diamond (Abigail) all day and watched a movie last night (Friday) called Eternal. It's about Elizabeth Bathory, in today's time.

I'm actually watching a mouse as I'm typing. I caught one the other day in a trap and I've been hearing more noises, the pitter patter of little feet and it's not children. I have a mouse trap in place and a block of rat poison right next to it. He keeps eating the block, but I keep moving the trap closer, and he still won't eat the peanut butter. We'll find out who wins in the end. NOTICE: My house isn't a sty, it's just one of those quarky things when your like, huh?

Went to 2 doctor appts this week. The shrink and med doc. One says I'm crazy, and the other one knows it.