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I have two other siblings... A brother 6 years older than myself..... And a sister 17 years younger than myself.... My mother was my only parent.... My father was never around he left when i was 2 months old after beating my mother and trying to kill me.... Me and my other siblings all have different dads but i love them just the same.... My mother wasn't the best mother she could have been.... She had a two drug addictions one of which was pot and the other was alcohol.... and i suppose i could say she has another addiction of shit boyfriends thrughout my whole life.... When i was 2 years old one of mother's friend's friend's raped me..... Due to that i may never be able to have my own children..... Her boyfriends were usually bikey's till i was about 8 years old and they would put their ciggerettes out on me.... My mother always provided me with food clothes and roof over my head but she was never really around.... My brother spent most of his young childhood looking after me..... He was my rock.... When i was 8 years old and my brother was 14 we were taken away from my mum and had to live with my aunty and uncle i was only there for about two months then i was put back on a plane to sydney and put in a foster home for 8 months while my mum was getting clean.... She got custody of me back and my brother had the choice to either come home to us or stay with my aunty and uncle and he choose to stay with them..... Me and my mother then moved to Cessnock.... I lived there for 6 years.... after the first 3 years of living there my grandfather died.... He was the only father figure i ever had so it was more like losing a father to me..... The 3 years that followed in cessnock after that my mother abused me both physically and mentally.... As i finally came to know the truth about my father for my mother had told me he had died in a car accident when i was 2 months old but as you read above earlier he just left..... I still know nothing about him as my mother refuses to tell me anything about him.... My mother kicked me out when i was 14 i spent 6 months living with multiple friends i had no money so to live i had to steal food and clothes all the time to survive..... I was in year 9 at that stage and had dropped out of school because of everything that had happened not before kidking the shit out of a girl because of all the stress i was under plus she bullied me all the time.... I then moved to the central coast..... Where i was finally starting to get some money.... I was living with my grandmother for the first few months.... And i had started back up at school in year 10 where i met my beautiful loving bestfriend Hayley also know as Hayley - Harlot..... I moved into her house half way through the year.... I finished year 10 and got my year 10 certificate then went on to study in year 11 the following year but i only made it half way through the year where i dropped out to be with the guy i was dating and i got a job the year after i started going to tafe but i failed in the course i had picked to do as well i was still dating the same guy and he broke up with me half way through last year to be with my other old bestfriend but not only did he break up with me he had convinced me to move in with him a month before and then when we did break up he brought her home the next night and fucked her in our bed whilst i was staying at a friends house he then started going out with her the next day so i moved my stuff out that week i moved back to my bestfriends house..... I distanced myself from everyone and sat in my room alone alot of the time crying until the end of last year when i got angry at myself for moping around so i started to fix my life once again for the better to make myself happier and then i started dating another guy for a few months he broke up with me too because this year in february on australia day his bestfriend raped me and i told my boyfriend and he wouldn't believe me because he would rather believe his fucking junkie mate.... I then went into deep depression again and didn't leave my house only to go to tafe until a few weeks ago when i decided that i can't feel i'm the one to blame when i did nothing wrong.....





I am a good person i have had alot of bad things happen to me in my life and i like to think i'm a stronger person because these things happened i'm through with crying and i'm through with the bullshit..... I dont put up with anyone's crap anymore i'm bigger than the petty high school shit...... I'm a fighter on the emotional side of myself i always pull myself through.... I used block everything out because i thought it was easier than dealing with my problems..... but i learnt it wasn't the hard way i would break down when i was drinking with friends and now that i have come to terms with everything that happened to me i know it wasn't my fault..... I didn't deserve to be abused by my mother or raped twice.... or to maybe not be able to have kids i didn't deserve any of these things but it was the hand i was dealt with so far and even though these things did happen i am proud of myself and the person i am cause even though i'm not perfect i did everything i possibly could to make my life better.....

COMMENTS

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Seraphimus
09:44 May 02 2008

You deserve better in life mate,one day you'll meet the right guy who'll love you for who you are...may you find that happiness within your life sooner than later.

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Fictions
16:11 May 02 2008

Sometimes all you can do is stand back up, brush yourself off and keep trudging along.

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