The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

The knife cant go deep enough

The noose cant get tight enough

The pills cant be fast enough

The fall cant be hard enough

But with all that I am in my death, I am not dead.



I think a lot on the mysteries that keep me alive. I dont have hope. I dont have the only arms that cared enough to wrap around me as I cried. I dont have the joy of love, nor the contentness with the feeling of belonging. I dont feel safe from the dark. I dont even feel the emptyness that helped me get through when I was a child. All ive ever needed has deserted me, found a better place amung the earth. So why am I still here. I am to weak to kill myself...and the universe is not ready to take me. What do I have left? What have I yet to do? If depression is supposed to pass....why has it been here locked away so long? I cant talk to others because then I feel worse...but I cant do it alone anymore. I used to have power over my mind...I could choose to forget. Now no matter how hard I try I am stabbed with memories that flood in like a tidal wave, tearing at my being. I know not what to do. And my friends are to busy living that I dont want to burden them with the half life of a half dead. The only person I want to speak with is busy enjoying the life he created after I left, and when he sees me im only a shadow....or that is how I feel. A gray bleak dot overcome by the beauty of colors the world shines. But what is there to do but live your life, or what you have left of it, and try to get past it. And even though I have failed miserably, maybe in a few years I will overcome my battles....and learn to let go.

COMMENTS

-

---

GobletOfBlood
16:22 Jul 21 2008

it can better, it can worse... but you'll build some strength in that journey... in that path you must see into the eye that gazes on you and look upon it... and stare right back at it

---

POST COMMENT