Goodbye?19:48 Sep 29 2009
Times Read: 556
Dominic left. What am I suppose to do? I can't go after him because to him, 2 months isn't worth the attachment I feel for him. Maybe he's right. I don't know. I just know I feel...so alone. I want to be with him right now, hold him, hug him, kiss him and what not, but he's so far away again. I thought my wish had finally been granted, but now it's been taken away. I can only question why, but no one will give me the answers.
It's so unfair! I only get 2 months and even then, you can't seem to determine if you love me still. What happened to I love you? Does no one believe in that anymore? Apparently not because once you say that, everything just starts to go downhill and next thing you know, they leave you. Leave you with the notion that their lives are falling apart and they have to fix it first. What about me? Can't I help you fix it? Can't I do something to heal that pain within instead of just running away and saying from behind the mountains that I'm suppose to calm down? Fuck that. I'm tired of guys just using me and running away. I'm tired of it. I had thought...you were so different.
You say you care about me, but do you really treat someone you care about like that? No. If you cared, if you even had any ounce of love for me, you would still be by my side. Maybe that's why...things happened the way they did. You were never meant to be there for me, never meant to love me and certainly never meant to stand beside me. What's that saying? "Two Against The World"
Sometimes I have the insane urge to...beg. I hate it. I hate the tears. I hate the feeling of loneliness...I never thought sleeping alone could be so painful. But you have to do what you have to. If leaving makes you understand or makes you realize what a great person you are, how wonderful you can be, and that a job doesn't define you, then go do it. If stability is what you're looking for...maybe home is the place to start. Start over where you messed up to begin with. I just wish I could be there with you. You said you should have never questioned us, and now you won't even talk to me...how messed up is that? I don't know. Maybe I'm just overreacting. I certainly do it every time.
However, I do believe in the concept of life is too short to waste time trying to decide if the mistakes you made is coming back to haunt you. You made those mistakes for a reason! Learn from them! Let it make you stronger to with stand even greater mistakes you will make in the future instead of letting it break you. Maybe this mistake I made here will teach me to let go faster...Maybe.
Gods, I hate this uncertainty. I hate it!
But I do love him dearly, I love you Dominic and I hope you get what you are looking for. I certainly couldn't give it to you...I will be here if you need me, and if you want me, because I still want you. I want you back.
COMMENTS
-