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I don't want to lose anyone else again...I don't want to be alone anymore and to lose you...please don't leave me. You make me laugh and comfort me. You fall asleep on the phone with me. You call just to see what I'm doing. You wake me up in the morning and I love it. I can talk to you about anything and you won't judge me. You say you love me and I desperately want to believe it...but you have to understand you're not the first to tell me that and disappear. I want you here with me...and I don't know why you're slowly fading away...but please don't leave me. I beg you. I don't want to be alone and I doubt I'll find someone to love me again. I can't help it anymore...please don't leave me.

I wrote this poem called Still Standing...but I can't seem to find it. It was about...a relationship that died a long time ago for reasons unknown. Actually, I have good reasons but you don't need to know em'. Anyway...I might be stronger than I am...I might be stronger than I look...or I could be as weak as everyone else. I most likely am...otherwise, why would I be scared? If I was strong, I would stand up for myself and tell him to ge to hell...but I love my mother too much to cause her pain, even if she broke my heart and made me doubt myself so many times. I wasn't good enough for her...always and I'll take any crumb she throws my way. How pathetic that sounds...it sounded better in my head. If I was strong...I wouldn't be cowering in my room, waiting and dreading for something that I'm hoping will never happen. He's just in the next room and ...sometimes I wonder if he's the one right next to my door at night...I always hear someone. Or maybe I'm slowly losing my thoughts to the fear consuming my thoughts. I don't want to be afraid. I'm sick at the thought that he's obsessed, that those thoughts entered his head...I want to throw up. He makes me sick...and when he touches me, I have to pretend to be normal instead of shrink away from his touch...and when he hugs me...Gods I want to push him away, but I have to stop myself. He makes me sick. So sick...and afraid. I hate him. But I can't wish him away...

COMMENTS

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BLOODLIFE
10:36 Mar 21 2009

I wish I could send you the strength you need to do the right thing!

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AzazelVisigoth
09:41 Mar 28 2009

You probably just have a bad case of Stockholm syndrome. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome

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Synster
16:48 Mar 30 2009

Lol. If only it were that simple. :) Everyone else seems to think so.

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