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I miss you so much, I'm falling apart

I hide my tears, and every last fear

I dare not say your name

And bring memories back

I'm falling apart



I dare not dream about us

Or the forever we could have had

I dare not hope for a future

With you, because it hurts

I know you won't be around

I'm falling apart



I dare not say I miss you

I fear it might drive you further away

I hide my tears in shame

And try to ignore the mess you left

But in loneliness I'll remain

Because I want you back

I'm falling apart



I keep your words to remind me

And never to forget

The pain you left me with

And so much regret

I gave you all of me

And you turned your back

It took me a while to see

I'm falling apart



It's sad to know I still love you

And wish back that wonderful day

When you took me in your arms

And said you loved me too

What did I do so wrong?

To drive you away

I feel so wrong

I'll never understand why you didn't stay

I'm falling apart



Someone help me, I'm falling apart

How do I continue forward?

Everything reminds me of you

I wish I could hate you

But my heart won't let me

I was just wondering if anyone else would struggle over a simple question, but then again, if it was simple, I wouldn't be struggling over it. Well...my character wouldn't be struggling over it. Unfortunately, my human can feel the same thing as my character. Sometimes the line is no longer there and I can't tell where I end, and where my 'alter ego' starts.



Anyway, my question was...If you knew the guy you were with was cheating on his g/f and he said it was worth it...would you do it?



Evelya Stalker: (My character)

I know it's wrong, but I adore this man. We've argued, we've loved and we've hurt. We have been through it all, and for some reason, we have been through it with almost the same people. He understands how my sister can be, how emotional she can be...just like me. It's funny when he actually compares me to her. Sometimes I find myself believing that I'm nothing like Sun, but then someone points out our similarities and my delusions disappear. That's when the self-loathing begins. I hate these emotions that swirl and tumble through me, clouding my judgment and making me hope for a happy ending. Human emotions. I should have left those behind a long time ago, but sadly, it seems I grow more human.

Back to the question...He says he loves me, but he can't let go of that other woman. I enjoy his company more than I should. I look forward to seeing him everyday...why? I dare not say I love you, back to him because then I will be lost. He's actually tried to make me happy: He tried starting a whole new character who can be open with me, who can kiss me in public, who won't have to hide in the PM's to give me affections...but am I ashamed of him? Does he pale in comparison to my ex-husband? To every one else that I adore. There is one thing I am certain of...I am still in love with Raph. I miss him and if he even gave me one chance, I know I'd leave Faolan for good and never regret it.

I feel so...dirty whenever I talk to him, whenever he makes love to me, holds me...but at the same time, I love it. I can be free with him...I can be myself and not be ashamed of it. That is truly addicting...the comfort he gives me.

Damn him.

COMMENTS

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Grimorson
00:35 Jan 15 2010

"Just Because You Can Doesn't Mean You Should."

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POST COMMENT

I didn't get what I wanted. And now I have to work twice as hard to get back where I was. All that hard-working...down the drain. And for what? For something that I couldn't even control.



I failed at school once more. Now I have to do it all over again. Why did I let myself wonder? Why did I even pause and let my guard down? Why?



Fuck it. I can do it. I've done before, and I can do it again. Because I have to. Because I messed up and it was all my fault. Now I'm paying the price. I blame myself.

Rise stronger: Without you.



I love you and I always will. As a friend I will always be here if you need me. And if you ever change your mind...