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I hate to admit it, but I'm scared. I thought I had finally controlled this feeling, but apparently not. I'm scared of my brother. It's like some kind of living thing inside me, eating away at my mind. I want to feel safe...especially those few weeks that I was so scared of being alone with him...but I had to act normal. I had to act like I wasn't scared. Why should I be scared?

Maybe I'm overreacting, but I feel as if he just threatened me. Over a stupid parking space. He said I should move my car before something happens to it...he's never said that to me and now...I feel like that fear that I buried came surfacing back up. I froze up and all I could think about was my car. I need some reassurance that I'm safe. I feel so close to tears because of that stupid fear. I want...to leave so bad.

I want to leave this place. I want to run and never look back. That was my dream so long ago until my mother caged me here. And now, that fear is making me want to break free. How can I be at home and be afraid. My mother says you're never suppose to be afraid at home. But I'm so scared right now. This fear is choking me...Help me.

COMMENTS

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DrCullen
05:56 Feb 27 2009

My parents are Ice addicts, I know how bad it is when you fear home. Like nothing can be safe any longer. Super Scary.... >=l

We shall suffer in silence and we shall endure!

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ladySnowStrixx
16:21 Feb 27 2009

dull shit to the previous comment

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Oh wow...I was in a dream state. I was wishing and dreaming about something I couldn't have. I was fantasizing about a place I'll never be and a person I'll never end up with. I was trying to come up with all the possibilities of making it come true...only to realize that I was dreaming alone. And I'm so sorry. I never meant to get caught up in it all...I tried so hard to remind myself that I was only dreaming, that I was only hoping. But then....four little words brought me back to reality - Whatever. I don't care. - Who knew those are the words to snap you out of la la land. I have so little friends and I don't want to lose one already...when I'm finally getting used to you. When I'm finally believing what you say. Heaven help me...I want to dream once again...of a future that will never come true.

I have to constantly remind myself of his rule. God forbid I forget and let myself fall into that vast abyss called Love. Sometimes I can't help but fall...I feel like some climber trying to get back to the surface and sometimes, I want to let go and let myself drop down into that darkness...be free to give myself to him. Other times, I have to force myself to hold on and not let go...but lately, I want to let go so bad. I want the freedom to have what I want. I want...so many things, but sadly, I can only wish and yearn. I hate that. I've always hated that. I don't want to yearn for something I might never get. Damn you. Why are you so irresistable?

COMMENTS

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ladySnowStrixx
15:41 Feb 18 2009

it's called wanting what is unattainable , and believe me once you get it you might not want it.it's never as good as you thought it would be.you need to clear your mind and see the flaws he has .

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God help me, I've fallen in love. I hope he doesn't hurt me...or I don't hurt him. I just want one chance. It's all I ask. :) I think you know who you are.