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I am so tempted to tell...ok to beg him not to leave me, but that would be unfair. I can't do that to him. He deserves better...someone he won't be ashamed of. Hell, even a chance at his dream. I know he loves me, but like he said his hands are tied...



Everyone has choices damnit and so do you. Don't give me that...I don't have a choice you used on me so many times. I only have 3 weeks left with him and...I most likely never see him again. What am I suppose to do? How can I wake up every morning knowing he won't complete my day? How am I suppose to move on? Gods this will be so hard. Am I strong enough? We will see.



I want to say so many things, but I can't.



I'm sorry for getting mad so easily and we have so little time together...I can't think about it or I will start blubbering like a baby. The mere thought of him leaving makes me cry. So many things will remind me of him, and when I go home...alone. How do I explain to everyone else that he's no longer with me and somewhere else? It hurts just thinking of the future without him...and we had actual plans...stupid. Why did you plan with me if you weren't going to stick around? Why did you have me hope that this could last a while longer? Why?

This is why I asked you if you would leave me like you left everything else if the choices were limited again? You said no. Did you just lie to me?



So unfair! Just 2 fucking months with you!

I knew it was too good to be true. I knew it wouldn't last...but I know you have your own dreams to follow. I just foolishly thought we could rebuild our lives together...foolish dreams they were. I'm going to miss sleeping next to you...I guess I never knew how much I loved the feeling of waking up next to you. Gods, how did I get this attached and its so unfair. I love you so much and for that reason I will not stand in your way. You go achieve your dreams, make a life, even get back everything you lost...but I will miss you like you can't imagine. You will take a part of me with you. And hopefully, in a fairy tale ending you will remember me... Not much hope for me to hold out that you will come back to me, right?