The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Okay so how BIG does this suck? I am a writer, ok? I love to write! Thats my passion besides drawing. Now, I have some to know that I might have arthritis in my hand becuz I noticed I cannot write even two paragraphs without my hand cramping up on me. So, now I cant even write anything anyone. I mean dnt get me wrong I know that typing has become the easiest way and the fastest way to write something but I just love to write more then type. I love writng and then typing and Idk it just sucks big ones that I have almost lost all feeling to my hand when I start to write. Especially when your not near a computer and you have an incredible idea for some story that you think will be the most awesomest awesome story of your life time and you start to write everything you want about your story and then two parargraphs later onto the story your crying and whining becuz guess what!! your effing hand cant handle the pressure you feel so your stuck doing nothing but wishing you had a computer and start over on your story. Also when you've been on the computer your back starts to hurt and its like I dnt have a laptop I have a desk so I have to share it with alot of other ppl becuz I am living with family while I go to college. ANYWAYS not the point. Dnt you see where my writing on paper with Pen is so much easier then a computer until I get a laptop that works anyways, So... Cant you see where having arthrits sucks big fat monkey ball!? *cries* All I want is my right hand to be better!!! I want to write freely without the pain!!

I am here. Sitting here on this computer doing nothing but writing my feelings out as if anyone really cared. Yeah... No one cares. I could be tellnig people I want to due and write about suicide no one would care. I could be sitting here, crying my eyes out feeling lost and confused wanting someone to reach out to me. No one would care. No one is willing to reach out to a stupid wreck like me. I have falling so far down its unbelievably crazy that I am even writing this down becuz like I once said. No one would care. Not here, not in my life. Not ever. I am just a lost soul sitting here hurting unable to think of where else to turn except in here. My little black journal. I was once in love. ONCE. with the girl of my dreams. But I lost her... Now, I was with this guy who just wont leave me alone. I have another try but... he wont let me have her. He wants me to himself. He wants me to be his but I just dnt want him I dnt want to hurt anyone... I just... I want to be happy. But me being happy hurts alot of people. So I cant be happy otherwise I will hurt alot of people. I love alot of people I dnt want to hurt anyone.. Especially if they threaten to commite suicide. I couldnt have that on my chest carrying it out through my life. I mean is that fair? for me to have to think that I killed someone just by breaking up with them? I mean... would that really be my fault? I cant get rid of him... and I can never have my sweet lover again... I shall never know wat its like to be in true love again. I will never know what happiness feels like. I dont want to hurt anyone... I feel like I cause so much pain when I smile. or when Im happy. I just dont know what to do. I want to sit here... thinking typing my emotions out hoping that someone out there cares and will comfort me. I dont want to be this misfit or mistake. I want to feel like I matter. like I am someone... Like I am human... I dnt want to feel used. I dnt want to feel pathetic or weak... I just want to be loved.... cared for... wanted... I want to be with the girl of my dreams... but... I just cant do that with this bastard ruining my life... So I will just sit here like a weakling crying my heart out until someone... or something helps me figure out what to do..

Idk whats wrong with me. I am getting more and more depressed feeling like I am trapped inside a box. Scared and alone. have I gone mad? Idk. I feel like I cant breath my heart is racing pounding hard and fast against my chest trying to break through the surface. Dead. I feel like I should be dead. But I keep living on in this world that feels like a shadow that drowns me to see that I am alone... Alone with the monster known as love. Love, a break fast in a flash of guilt. Its not my fault I do not wish to be in love for you are the wrong person. I want to be free from your grasp free from the hell you keep putting me through. Seeing your face is like a broken shard into my fragile heart. Ready and set to break all over the floor as if under your puppet control. I will not be a puppet to your "love." Skin as cold as ice, Eyes are dark as coal. Fierce as if ready to attack and bite down into my soul to drown me down into your hands as if I am your servant. I shall not be in love... I will not look into your eyes as if melting into paridise. To feel the hold hands around my body freezing me into your arms forver as if lost into a trance of fear but lust. I shall not be used by the beauty and disgust you call me by love. I do not want to be in this "love" for I am trapped. Trapped inside your kiss and arms that harm me to think that we belong together. I will never beleive in your words. Love... I shall not be trapped I will not be broken again... Love... you will not hurt me anymore

COMMENTS

-

---

Forcevamp123
07:31 Jul 16 2010

Wise is what I think of this. It traps you then it breaks you after it ends Love what a good but hurtful thing.

---

POST COMMENT