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After having my daughter, and her exhibiting a few quirky tendencies. I decided to investigate further. Some of her quirks remind me of myself, some remind me of my sister. After researching and talking with her doctors, it looks like she has SPD, I suspect my sister and I do as well. Growing up with the quirks was hard. I don't want that for her. People don't understand sometimes. Sometimes I just don't want to say what is bugging me for fear of seeming weird. I hate ice cream or anything extremely cold, it's unbearably painful. As a child my parents didn't understand that, so when I got hurt, they would force me to hold an ice pack on the injury. It didn't matter what the injury was, nothing compared to how bad the ice pack felt. I loathe tickling, it's right along the same lines as extreme cold. It hurts, and I will try to hurt or maim you if you do it. I don't like to be touched. You don't know me, or aren't really close to me, then don't do it at all. Not even a tap on the shoulder. Since I haven't lived with my parents in about 10 years now, when they say "I love you" or try to give me a hug, or touch me at all, it freaks me out. I don't know why, or how. I can't explain it, but that seems to be the way SPD works in some people. I normally don't mind my daughter touching me. However, she seems to be on the opposite side of the scale. She needs lots of physical action, running into you, getting right in your face to talk (which really drives me nuts). When she is having a really touchy day, sometimes it gets to me but most times when it's her, it doesn't bother me. To feel this way about people, the people that are supposed to be family and close to you, well it kinda makes you feel bad or guilty. The realization is that I shouldn't feel that way. I'm not doing anything to feel guilty for, I'm just being me. There have been a select few people in my life that didn't cause this reaction. I have no idea why it was different with them. I wish I did so I could fix the problem. I now realize that I have melt downs just as she does. I have lost friends, relationships because of them. When it was happening, I couldn't have really told them what was wrong. It's not something I can understand, it just happens. Over time I have found that some people will love me, for me. Meltdowns and all. While others will run at the first sign of a melt down or something weird and quirky. In the end, I'm going to just be me. Always working toward less quirks and a happier life. To the ones that stick by me even with my melt downs and quirky ways. I have to love them, even if it's for nothing more than not running scared. I don't want my daughter to grow up as I have. I don't want her to ever sit alone wondering "what's wrong with me?"

Sometimes you meet someone and you just know in your gut they are "the one". Still maybe they are the one, the one meant to change your life, to impact your life in some way. To flip the script so to speak. Doesn't mean you will end up with them. Doesn't mean you want always think of and miss them. You have to be grateful for the time you had with them and the ways they change your life, you have to love them without them. Some people are just meant to be droplets of hope on an otherwise empty canvas. They appear when you stop painting, hearing the music, or living life. Their sole purpose is to keep you pushing forward, to keep you on the course you are meant to go. Sure you can love them, you can love them more than anything you have ever known, still it doesn't change their purpose for being there. Once things have aligned as they should, they will be no more. Be ready to accept and let them go. To simply appreciate the fleeting moments you had knowing them. Be grateful for the gift they have given you. In fact they are "the one", the only one who was capable of showing you these things. The only one that could ever touch you in the way that they did. This is the reason they were sent to you in the first place. Sometimes only mere moments can be remarkable, life changing. You just have to be open to letting these people change your life. In the end it's better to know them than to not. What they give you is worth more than never knowing.

COMMENTS

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ladybriarrose
18:34 Sep 25 2013

Great post. And this:



"Some people are just meant to be droplets of hope on an otherwise empty canvas. They appear when you stop painting..."



Now that's a quote worth keeping.

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SouthernFreak
23:14 Sep 29 2013

Thank you ladybriarrose. That sentence just kept repeating in my head like a song that needed to be played. Just had to get it out of there. :)

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WOW! I haven't paid any attention to a few peoples avatar's lately. Suddenly I just noticed them and realized how much a few suit the people.