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Vertically challeneged...



I have a short temper right now... Because of several reasons!!



Reason A)

Pheobe is generally the best dog ever-- but for some reason she really growled at me when I was hugging her, and it was like, a real growl, not a playfull one, and then she ACTUALLY ATTACKED ME, and continued attacking me... and then when she relised what she was doing, she was "play attacking" me. (I can easilly tell with pheobe when she's play growling, real growling, play parking, real crowling, ect) and well.. that shook me up a bit. I'm bewildered as to why she'd do that-- a little heart broken, and edgy because of it.



Reason B)

My sister exists.



Reason C)

I hate country music to the core, and mom and I were watching American Idol, and Bucky was singing..



Reason D)

..and I was glad it was over too.. but Simon had to say "I didnt understand a word you were saying." Which I didnt eather, but mom had to bark about how she cant get why Simon said that, that he's just from England, bla bla bla.. I told her "I'm from Texas, your point?" and yatta yatta yatta, and I tried to ignore all of this, and mom tried to translate it for me and I REALLY didnt want her to even deal ANYTHING MORE with bucky,



Reason E)

and then I smashed my finger in the door, and she kept on talking so "MOM, I DONT CARE ABOUT HIS COUNTRY SONG!!!!"



Reason F)

"... ... ... .. 'I'll be your maaaannnnn~' is what he sung there, dear... and then--"



Reason G)

I was typing my story earlier, and mom woke me up from my own little world, and since then I lost my creative spirk, and I cant add on to it at all any more because I totally lost the feeling, no matter how hard I try.



Reason H)

I really wanted to cry on the shoulder of somebody who knew Lee's shoulder about the other girl.... ....not that I'm not happy for him or anything, because I am happy~ ... but there was no one.. Sigh.



Reason I)

The peak of my rage, Cody AIMed me (some one I never met in real life-- totally an online friend.. one of the peoples who got me into magick)... and he asked me if I had any curses.. No... and I asked him why, and he says he wants to litterally kill his step father. What the hell. This pissed me off because...



Reason J)

...I was still thinking about Lee and how he told me about the value of a life, how no one has the right of taking a life away... so of corse I got 'preach'n... and when I do that.. I just get more emotional and upset....



Reason K)

and well.. now I feel broken.





I'm retarded,

Stupid,

Ugly,

an Annorexic Twig,

Too distant,

Annoying,

Loudmouthed,

Cant sing worth crap,

Cant spell woth more crap,

Emotional,

Short tempered,

Changed,

Dead,

Screwed over,

Irritated,

Depressed,

Angst,

Mad,

Broken,

Torn up,

Heart broken,

Lonely,

Sad,

Aching,

Shaky,

Debateful,

Foolish,

Ignorent,

Worthless,

Cant do anything,

Wont ever amount,

Crybaby,

Complaintful,

Hurting,

Quiet,

Left out,

Loud,

Cold,

and lost...





*sigh* I miss Lee...

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm highly argumenetive. Debateful. To conclude this- nobody can win when they're agruing with me unless they bring up a good point-- but thats rare because most people dont have that good point, and when they do, they'll never get that far in the argument, and they just give up... but just to say you know, I do lose whenever brains are put up against mine. .. I enjoy that... debates that I loose that is... and I dont mean like, everybody voted for the other team, neither. I mean, they make me think about what they said and reconcider. I really enjoy being wrong there...



Last night I had a nightmare. I think the lesson in last night's nightmare was that I have to accept that somebody could kill me, other than myself. I am not invincible, and actually, far from it. I have to accept that I can die any day, but I have to relize this first, before I can do anything about it to save my butt.



There was this murderer who blamed his murders on me, so the school had me expelled and had me on the execution list, at the front.



At school today, my first period class, we had a subsitute... it looks just like the murderer.. exactly.. it's uncanny.. only, whenever the murderer tried to kill me, his face was all red and he had a big fat grin on his face... at school, his face wasnt red, nor was there a giant grin.. but face shape, shirt color, shirt type, hair, ears, nose, cheek bones, eyes-- they look just like the bad guy in my dream.



Ah well.. still in first period I had an argument with these two chicks about "abuse". They are friends with this guy who T-bags people, and they're all saying "Well if you knew him, you'd know he does this to everyone, and it isnt that big of a deal, cause he enjoys it. It's not mellicious."



What do you think?



It's still so fucking wrong it isnt even funny, and he needs a new set of morals before I come down and beat the living shit out of him.



Then one of the chicks were telling me how I dont need to lecture HER on abuse, because she knows very well what it is like to be abused.

1 out of every 3 girls in the united states KNOW how it is to be abused first hand. She doesnt need to lecture ME about abuse eather.

And I'M hard headed. Psh. She wouldnt listen about how wrong that was- she was just as hard headed as I was, and assumed nothing has gone wrong with me-- oh, but it has her, so she has every right to bicker at me.



Fucking fucktards.



I ended up breaking out crying, yelling at her, till Melo sitting next to me forsed a change of subject and got me some tissue.



I'm such a wuss.

I feel as though I'm asking too much from all sorts of peoples. I got really motivated, and now I'm too motivated. I feel guilty and want to take this away, but after all I've done so far-- it'll all be put to waste, and half-selfishly, I dont want to do that.



Rachel is seeming unfaithful, and my mother and father are becoming impatient.



.....



m'm... I went to the pet store today! I saw all sorts of animals! I saw a giant green paret that tried to make itself look even bigger 'round me, and glared... (birds tend to hate me), a puppy minature shnouzer like my old dog Jasper (and she showered me with lots of love and kisses), I got to hold a feret, they had all sorts of mice and rat.. even naked rats... I saw rabbits, and baby bunnies, and I saw chinchillas, and a PIGLET! .. it was all so exiting...



.....



I found something in my room. I'm freaking out a little bit now.

--Okay, enough cat puns, and cat-ch phrases...



Dad said Yes. XD! I'm so exited.... I'm going to be like a geek now and search up so much information on cats, it wont even be funny. It's probably not even right now-- I've been bugging about this so harshly. xD;

Eep! Keep your fingers crossed! I'm so psyched. I know I have a 40 or 45% chance of getting this kitten... Thats pretty good when other wise it would be 0%... They are concidering it! They are seriously concidering it!! I was working so hard yesterday that I didnt even get to get my newest eppisode of Bleach.



Keeping in mind though that even though I have a 40-45% chance of getting this kitten, I also have a 55-60% chance that I WONT get this cat. The ods arent that good, but.. the more exited I work myself up for this, and the more athusiastic I stay about this, the higher it ups my chances even more.



Mom says "Okay" and she got to talk to dad about it at midnight. Dad didnt say yes. Dad didnt say no. He is concidering this.



.. But I really want this! It is DESTINY~~~ heheheh...



That means to end his concidering, I have to do whatever he's concidering with ease... Like the kitty litter-- he doesnt want that in my room because it might be unhealthy for me-- so instead I have to think of another place for it... Stuff like that-- and above all else- responcibility.



Wish me luck, you guys!!!



M'm, speaking of Bleach...

I downloaded the eppisode this morning when I woke up at 5. Just for a tip.. dont download eppisode 73. It is a waste of time, bandwith, space, and hope. All it was was doing all of these domino like tricks.. and then you got to watch Kubo Tite dance... it wasnt at all amusing. It wasnt even anime. It was live action, all of it.. and the same tune.. over.. and over.. again.. gah!



Well thats it for me right now~ I'll post another entry if it gets decided.

Whats up, Pussy Cat? Kitty kitty, meow~



Yeah so.. I want to thank Freak13 for convincing me to atleast TRY to get my parents interested in a cat or kitten...



THANK YOU!!! It's not like.. you know.. it's FOR SURE going to happen but...

The second I hit my mom's car, I began telling her that I want something, that I wont tell her what it is untill much later, but that I'll do all of the housework-- that I'd clean the kitchen, do the dishes, do the laundry, clean the living room, vacuum, clean the bathroom, fold, AND clean my room!

... So I did!

And Jen and I are psyched. She helped out by cooking...

ne.. and while dinner.. then I brought up the kitty cat idea, because Rachel needs to get rid of these kittens her cats had, and I REEEALLY wanna help.. eheheheheh....



Well, I got mom to say okay.. but mom isnt the hard part.. it's the dad thats the kitty-pooper.. He'll say no, I know, but maybe mom can pursuey him.. and maybe I'll set out a list of things to show him I've got my hopes high, and maybe then he'll be gentler and let me have one because he wont want to hurt me TOO much, you know?



Wish me luck!!!

I love.. love!

Hugs!

And kisses!

And I'm not even talking about a boyfriend girlfriend type of love..

I love my stuffed animals for example! Yes, I have stuffed animals... Like this white seal filled with beads.. I named her White Tulip~~ And I also have this white teady bear I named Snowball. When I was iddy-biddy, I had a baby-doll named "Baby". Origional name, huh? ... -.-;



Your loved one should know you love them. Like Lee-san for example.. He tells me he loves me.. even still when I broke up with him. But.. now he doesnt say it often, just like.. once a day or.. once every couple of days... so that he can keep his distance of corse, and not get me ticked cause I broke up with him. Rather cute if you ask me though...

But when we were dating.. we only said it when we got that feeling boiling up inside of us, and only then because we didnt want to make it too mushy and.. Lee being such an honest person.. wants to say what he's feeling when he's feeling it.



Thats more than what I can say because with Ka for example, I kept telling him I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you when he was nothing but heartache for me, and a little bastard at that! Jerk!



But with Lee.. I feel as though, since he's so honest, I should be honest with him, too, and tell him what I"m feeling when I'm feeling it... which has turned out to be a success for me, even though I broke up with him! I should say these things more often! .. That is when I'm feeling it. :D



So I'm happy because he taught me a lesson in love. HAHAHA! That sounds so mushy and corny. I dont want to be too mushy now.. thats a little rediculous, ne?



But yeah.. it makes me happier.. and so far I've been trying to stay true to that honesty and I feel more.. rightchious lets say? .. hm...







... lonely .... y_y;

Hello, Journal! I love you Journal! I have fondly become attached to you, Journal! Your my first Journal friend, Journal! M'mm.. pie...



I'm feeling a little lonely right now, and I'm not quite sure why.



Drake.. Draik... Dreyk... HOWEVER you want to spell his name.. anyhow, he's a jackass. ... You know.. just wanna say that he's a donkey butt head..hole.. thing. Yeah.



Mr. Keely is an idiot. He's my history teacher, and we need to actually learn in his class. ..not to say that he isnt teaching us or anything but... I was really ADDish and well.. I ranted him off today in class about how school systems suck nowadays, because they dont teach kids to THINK ON THEIR OWN but to think the way that they want us to think..

Of corse he argued.. cause he's an idiot but... "But the TAKS tests! (Texas Assigned to Killing Students) Maybe it wont fit the criteria of the TAKS tests?"

.... "Exactly. TAKS.. Texas- State = Country.. wanting us to learn the way they want us to learn.. and in the long run we are all going to yogurt for brains because we arent thinking on our OWN, and only the way we are told to! We cannot advance as a country that way. ... I mean, sure we HAVE but.. I mean.. that is.. really wrong! No wonder America is looked at as being a country of absolute morons.



... *sigh* ...

Yeah, so... there is some NEWS today! Yippy!!!



Okay okay, so everyone in NORTH Texas atleast know that it rained absolutely all day, right? Drizzle drizzle, gray gray, rain rain...

I wish it would have stormed though.... I love storms.. the LOUD .. CRASHING thunder... the bright, BLINDING lightning.... M'mmm! It's just so amazing! It would have been even better if we had a Tornado Warning! Ooooh! How I love my storms... not normal rain.. that's boring and makes my dog freak out cause she's stormo-phobic...



Yeah, well in this flash flood warning and all, my parents had to go south dallas and pick up a car-- YES-- WE HAVE A CAR NOW! I CAN NOW GO TO CLUBS AND NOT WORRY ABOUT THE BUSS NOT BEING THERE! Hurrah. :D



But on the way back they forgot to pick up my birth control pills... btw, does anybody know anything about the birth control called "Yasmin"? I cant search up any details on it, cause they want me to "pay for information" which is crap.



So I'm getting it tomarow.



Lee and Sanin have finally convinced me into downloading Mar.. which has ended up being a pretty darn kick-butt anime! I'm quite enjoying it...



So yeah.. School tomarow... Hopefully we'll get a tornado warning THEN! WEEEEEEEH!!!

I have no clue why I've been typing in my journal so often lately.. usually I dont care about journals.. every other Journal I've ever used I practically threw away-- me and journals dont get allong.. and here I am posting two entries a day... I feel I'm a sick girl, sick sick sick girl..



Ne!! Look, Lee just signed on.. I'll go type "*glomp*" to him, ne.



Intractions, ne... I'm not good at getting myself involved in things, wether it's a silly online journal, or a club at school. I have no clue why this is! I'm so glad that the friends I HAVE made and HAVE been tending to (connection wise, the best I can) are still there. I have remarkable good luck with that, I think.



Three people on this site has labled me friend, and I've labled three peoples as friends.. and I'm positive one of them doesnt have me on their friends list. I have remarkable bad luck trying to get myself involved with things.. Like at the forum, I've got like 30 posts and.. what I type dont matter. I mean, it seems as though, other's dont matter eather but, normally the first post matters, right?



ah well...



I'm just not good at these things.. I'm surprised I'm this deducated to Vampire Rave.. I'm usually not...



Okay, now I feel lonesome.. xD;;; oops.



Lemme bug Lee-san now.

Yeah, so... The wedding... Did I ever tell you that I hate being in places with lots of people mingling? The idiot preached and.. well, have you ever seen "The Prince's Bride"? The preacher reminded me just of the preacher in that movie.. MARAGE... is about -truuuuuuuue- _looove..._



It was kind of funny... Morgan played flower girl.. and she took five minutes to walk down a four-yard isle throwing fake rose pettals. She wanted to make sure she did it just right. It was actually really funny and cute... I mean, I covored my mouth and snickered, and so did everyone else.



After that, we "mingled" on at her house with her whole family, and his whole family for HOURS...

Jenny and I were the only people there under the age of twenty-- wait no.. just me.. and morgan and paul but they dont count... Lucky her.. she called her friends to pick her up so she can ditch this place.



The cake was good though.



Meh! Jenny and I did -not- get allong well at all since we spoke our frist words to each other. SHe's so rude and inconciderate, too!



"Can you believe dad got MAD at me like that?"

"Well, yeah, Jenny... He asked you to do a favour, and you just sat there with your mouth hanging open and your face looking disgusted for a long time without saying anything."

"Eh! I dont want to carry that bag! You just dont understand."

"No, I do understand; Dad was being stupid and rude too; but so were you. I do understand. I understand all, so dont tell me something as foolish as that again."

"... ... ... ... ... ... You're acting all YUCK today. I just dont get how people actually choose to act like that; you know... emo?"

"*evil grin, as thoughts of killing her comes to mind*"



Anyhow...

I hope I can watch Kogitsune Helen today! Or atleast tomarow~

Ne.. I'm going to do the stereo typical online journal deal....



Listening to: Crazy Sunshine by the Pillows

Reading: What Sanin is AIMing me right now...

Watching: The floaties in my eyes

Doing: Typing a journal entry.

Feeling: The chair under my butt and a headache.

Smelling: Stuffy air

Thinking: About my headache.

Drawing: ... nothing.

Loving: stuffed animals?

Being annoyed by: My tamagotchi!?!

Mood: ... Confuzzled and headachee!



Dear Journal,



Today I met a talking squirrel on the side of the road... It was all like.. Cheep cheep! And I'm all like.. No, I'm expencive, biatch.. (thanks for that word, Freak~) And it was all like... CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP! And then I was all like.. Run away and cry man, cause you know.. I'm not cheap.. I'm like.. really expencive.. ask my pimp.... Whore the Horse.



Pie: "WHERE'D YOU FIND THAT SQUIRREL?!?"

Me: Walks up to pie. "I already told you-- the side of the road.."

Pie: Hits Me with hammer. "LIAR!!"

Me: "Dude, where'd this script deal come from? I thought I was just writing to my journal."

Pie: "Soooouuuussuuuuiiiiii~ I aaaammmm youuur jouuuurnaaaal..."

Me: "Are you trying to talk like a ghost, cause you're really not good at it." Bops Pie on head.

Pie: Growls. "SOUSUI! YOU MUST REPENT FOR YOUR SINS!"

Me: ...

Pie: "REPENT, REPENT!"

Me: "What does repent mean?"

Pie: "DAMN IT! I SAID REPENT!"

Me: "You cussed. That's kind of rude to do infront of a lady. You need to be more polite, Mr. Journal."

Pie: "Okay then, WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY!?"

Me: "Nothing, kind of sat around watching crap on YouTube.com."

Pie: Gasps at Me. "SOUSUI! YOUTUBE.COM IS THE SPAWN OF THE DEVIL!!!"

Me: "Okay?"

Pie: Runs in circles.

Me: "I didnt know pies had legs.. or head for that matter. Or really that they talked at all, or even thought."

Pie: "Never mind about that! What's going on tomarow?"

Me: "Ah, right. Mrs. Carly is having her wedding. I dont really have a dress or anything... But I've got a skirt and kickass knee-high boots."

Pie: "YOU SAID ASS! YOUR GOING TO HELLLLL!!!"

Me: "You said damn it though, wont you be going to hell too?"

Pie: "First off, damn isnt a bad word. Second off, I'm going to be burned to death as it is-- might as well get use to it, huh?"

Me: "I suppose your right.. Wait, you're not baked yet? I'm talking to an unbaked pie?"

Pie: "Shuttap, that's embarresting."

Me: "I kind of feel as though I'm talking to myself... but oh well, it's kind of fun. So, right, the marrage thing... After that I.... hm.... I-- .... Hm, ... I dont know what I'm doing."

Pie: "What kind of sad, pathetic life is that?!"

Me: "One with music and plenty of dancing?"

Pie: "Sure sure..."

Me: "Okay, yeah, now I remember! Kogitsune Helen is coming out to theaters in Japan tomarow! I want to find some way of getting it cause I watched the trailer for it on Youtube--"

Pie: "SPAWN OF THE DEVIL!!!"

Me: "... .com... and it was very inspirational."

Pie: "PIG-FETTISH! What is it about?!?"

Me: "A blind, slightly numb, deaf fox-cub who is lost without it's mother... and is found by a little boy."

Pie: "M'mm.. M'hm... True story?"

Me: "True story!"

Pie: "RADDISH-HOGWASH!!! That was created SHEERLY BY SATAN! He's gonna getchia! HE'S GONNA GETCHIA!"

Me: "I'm more scared you're gonna get me.. you're gonna get me..."

Pie: "Never mind that! Wrap up your journal entry now!!"

Me: "Yessir."



--And thats how I defeated the giant racoon sumo ressler at school!!!



Love,

~Sousui

Gueeessss what!

I've got ears now!

Guilt free!

Kitteh ears!

And these, a little kid wont take from me!!

Hurrah!

Ne ne! Their spotted and got fluffles in'm... M'mmm! So kawaiiiii~~~!!!



I needa wear'm at school, but usually I do strange things like this in the first semester, to prepare my peers to see what to expect from me the whole school year... so they'll probably be atleast a little surprised to see these.. Especially since I havnt been wearing my hoodie (which has fox ears attached to the hood) up often. Gah, I swear.. My fat, Irish, old history teacher tries to flirt with me SOOO much, trying to make me put my hood up! GAH, idiot.



Anyyyhoooow...



EARS! ... two posts in one day.. huh..

If you are near to the dark,

I will tell you bout the sun.

You are here, no escape,

from my visions of this world.

You will cry, all allone,

but it does not mean a thing to me.



KNowing the song I will sing

till the darkness goes to sleep,

come to me, I will tell

bout the secrets of the sun,

it's in you, not in me,

but it does not mean a thing to you.



The sun is in your eyes..

the sun is in your ears...

I hope you see the sun

someday in the darkness.



The sun is in your eyes..

The sun is in your ears...

But you cant see the sun--

ever in the darkness.



It does not much matter to me.



If you are near to the dark,

I will tell you bout the sun,

you are here, no escape,

from my visions of the world,

you will cry, all allone,

but it does not mean a thing to me.



Knowing the song I will sing,

till the darkness comes to sleep,

Come to me, I will tell of the secrets of the sun,

it's in you, not in me,

but it does not mean a thing to you.







...! That was Aura. Such a pretty song. *insert evil laugh here*







INCASE YOU DID NOT KNOW BEFORE,

I OWN THE WORLD. I am the world's ruler,

therefore.. BOW DOWN TO ME.



... you're not bowing...



DAMN, this world SUCKS. -.-

Nya nya!!



My favorite anime in the WHOLE INTIRE WORLD got licensed last week, but only officially announced today... (it was rumor till then) ... you know by who? The same people who took Naruto away from me. Thats right. Viz.



But.. HEY! Atleast it isnt Funimation! ... that place needs to burn in...

*cough*



I heard that it's going to be on adult swim... so maybe their job on bleach wont be as bad as it was on Naruto... Believe it.... *sigh* still.. I know my all time favorite anime, Bleach is going to be totally ruined... Ne.. I drew a picture on it- it's in my portfolio...



Well! I say anything is better than watching it in ruined dubbed so let me just tell you what it's about.



There once was a princess named Rukia.... She had magical powers to kill demons! She also couldnt be seened by humans because she was dead. Well! She meets this prince on a stunning white horse. The prince isnt in shining armer though, but he's human, and he can see her, so that's a plus! Ne! Well, a demon came and attacked the princes' familly, so the princess, Rukia, came to defend it! Unfortunately, the demon was too much for Princess Rukia, so she gave all of her powers to Prince Ichigo. Thats when Prince Ichigo became the night in shining armer!

He kicks ass, and finds out that Princess Rukia wasnt alloud to leave her kingdom, or the king, King (whats his name again?) "Nee-sama" is really mad at her, and chases her down, and tries to kill her Prince because he has what is hers. Desperately, and deeply in love, Princess Rukia convinces her father not to kill the boy. King Nee-sama is angry though, and takes her home and puts her on RESTRICTION! So Princess Rukia stays in a tall white tower, waiting for her Prince to come and save her... He does, and carries her off into the sunset, living happilly ever after.





.... Or something like that.



Anyhow, they'll ruin it!

... I just spent two hours typing up a journal entry, one I felt had everything I ever needed or wanted to say into it... and when I submitted the entry.. I was logged out... tough luck, huh...



.. damn the world now.

So yesterday I got to go to the arcade with Ashnight and Freak13! And and and and and and and.. I had a blast, untill I got all p.o.ed due to hormones and cramps. ....

We played in the kiddie section, in the giant blow-up stuffs... Weeeeh! That was fun.



My friends kick ass, btw. Just to let you know. *grabs a flame thrower* :3



Yeah, there was some turbulence today, and my mom even said "Your not alloud to go to Phreak's house anymore." and all that fun stuff.. over a MISSUNDERSTANDING. She saw the light though, so I think I can go over again, but my parents had to be asses first, and yell at me as though I thought up this whole conspiricy and put it into play.



...? I plan... I dont conspirisies...



Well-- ANYWAY--



*glomps the world* I own you world.. I want to eat you like a giant jaw breaker! M'mm! Hyper-making-surgar! Hurrah.

.... y_y;;; ....

I was home from school today (thank goodness, too! I swear, if I spent another day in that contenuous cycal of a life, I'd kill some one...). I was up at 5 in the morning, squirmin in pain. .. Then I got drugged up on pain killers! WEEH! You can't go to school on pain killers! Hurrah for me!! Woosh, I'm dizzy.



I got old Pokemon songs stuck in my head.

Jiiigalllypuuuufff..

Jigaleeee-ee-eeepufffff....

Jiiigalllypuuuuff, Jigaleeee....

Jiigalleepuff jigaleepuf, jigaleepuff, jiiigaaaleeeee....



Bwa ha ha!



SPRING BREAK! WE'RE FREE! WE'RE FREEEEEEE! *flies out the window*

I hate today. I hate everyday. I hate my sister. I really hate my sister. I want to stab a stuffed animal into peices.

This is nothing new but.. I feel as though there is just a cycal with my name on it. I wake up, I get dressed, mom gripes at me, I take my medicen, I get in the car, I go to school, I go to my friends "hang out place", the bell rings, I get to class, I wait through class, I'm more bored than I can place, I go to my next class and do the same thing, then the next, then I go to lunch, and I just buy my food and eat, then I go to my other class and have to yell at idiots all of the time, and then I go on the buss, and then I go home, and I check my comments and messages, and I tell my mom how my day went, sometimes she nags me, sometimes she doesnt, depends on if she checks her e-mail, and then later on I go to bed and think "My life is so worthless, I dont care what I do bad to myself. I'm hopefully going to die soon anyway." fall asleep and go through the same exact day the next day.



It's like having the same nightmare every night, and the nightmare never changes.



I hate my life, and wished I get more out of it. I dont like the cycal that the goverment forces down with school and all. It is litterally driving me insane seeing the same repeated stuff everday.



So what if their's drama at school? Life has been for years and years now just one on going cycal I really want to end...



So I dont care about myself...

I hate my school;

It's just a drama-filled hell hole, and although I dont mind hell holes all that much, it just gets sooo annoying due to all of the drama! Although, I've never went to the counceler for anything, all of the councelers in school are holding a stupid dating service, to find the people most compatable with you. Thats hellemessed up. The school councellers are suppose to be busy with fixing problems, and fixing school scedules-- not buisy doing a school dating thing... they wont even speak to me when I ask for them to switch my class. I hear "Well they are very buisy right now." Ah, fuck it.

Next would be my friends...

My friends have been talking bad about my other friend, yadda yadda, I expload on them, and now they say I was the only one talking about her behind her back. I should just leave it allone.

Then it would be my dreams...

I keep having really odd dreams, and my dreams arent just the normal simballic dreams like "A dog is chasing me!" or whatever.. it would be all like, story mode like in a movie or something... so I can never figure out what they are trying to say... Last night I drempt I was in a hotel with everybody in school... and I ended up being stuck in a room with Mel and some other girls I didnt recognise. The room next to me though was having a party; Kelly and the boys were hosting it. We went in to join the party, and everyone was there; Freak, Ash, Meagan, everyone who means anything to me; even people I hate... We ended up looking at paintings and magnents, and other art works that were entered in some competition. and then we voted.. and this really nice photograph one. Ah well.

Memories is something...

I keep having memories of this one nightmare I had... and I keep thinking of my ex boyfriend Kamon (who needs to be shot, btw).. not only that, but of situations as well.

All together now!

My friends arent holding up to well right now, either. I wish I could help them, but I've learned my lesson more times than I can tie my shoes...



I wish everything could turn out alright.

Because I dont want to write this out all story-like, I'll type this out bullet styles in chronilogical order.



-B2 joins our table

-B2 hits on Bunny

-B2 dates Bunny

-B2 kisses Cherrill on the cheek 3 times

-that day, B2 breaks up with bunny

-that day, B2 gets together with Cherrill

-Bunny and table talks trash about Cherrill

-nobody blames B2

-Cherrill has no idea whats going on here

-B2 is the bastard that should be blamed

-I yell at them that B2 is splitting us up

-they backfire "no one likes Cherrill anyway"

-I like Cherrill AND Bunny, and stick by all of my friends

-B2 dates Cherrill for a week

-B2 breaks up with her

-B2 starts dating Bunny instantly after

-Bunny denies all faults of B2

-I get mad at Bunny, Cherrill, and B2

-I'm fucking pissed

-I tell B2 to back away from my friends

-I tell Cherrill that Bunny (instead of "all of them" like it really was) was putting the blame on her rather than B2

-Cherrill barks at Bunny

-my "table" avoids me at lunch and chooses a different table away from me

-Andrea plays messenger girl to hear both sides

-said that Cherrill said that "THEY" were all back stabbing her

-I corrected her and said "even though YA'LL WERE, I only said BUNNY was putting the blame on CHERRILL rather than B2 and that I thought that was WRONG and that he's splitting us up, and Bunny is too"

-she backs down

-the drama

-the drama

-the drama

-more drama

-even still

-and quite frankly, Mell and them told me to tell them whenever I have a bad feeling about a guy and that they'd stick by it

-psh.

-and when that time came that I do....

-...

-...

-jerks.

-just goes to show you what happens when you look out for your friends

-they avoid you

-my best friend didnt though

-cudos for Tiff!

-lesson learned?

-stay out of it.





Asside from that, I'm writing a book.. yeah.. it's turning out pretty good so far.. I just made it to chapter five... thats good for me.