The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I've been noticing a lot of odd changes. Over the last few years my diet has gone through sudden changes. Foods that I once loved, I cannot have. Solid stuff in particular. I can still have fruits an veggies galore though, which pleases me. I love them ^_^ but There's an increasing number of solid food I can't digest well anymore. Rather disturbing actually. It's on the things to ask my doctor when I go in for my next appointment. Could be a vitamin deficiency....or some sort of intolerance. Which would be irritating.



The second thing is freaking sleep or lack there of. My job requires me to be there in the early AM, but I can't sleep at night. So I'm barely getting any rest. I'll be tired all day but as soon as the sun sets, BAM! AWAKE! LETS GO RUN A MARATHON! F U sun...I hate you. I'd find a night job but then my relationship would suffer...or it might...I don't really know.



There's so much going on in my life an all of it I'm uncertain about. And that worries me because usually my intuition gives me an idea about everything. But I feel blind. I just don't know. Puts me on edge.



I think I need to chillax and let the answers come in their own time.

I've been testing things....things I thought I'd forgotten. Things I thought I'd left behind.



I was sitting in my bedroom at night. (NO! NOTHING DIRTY!!! Get your mind out of the gutter!) The lights were off. Just me in the dark. I closed my eyes and focused on my own aura. I felt my own energy pulse and move within me and around me. It was a sensation I usually don't focus on but it was comforting this time.



The more I focused, though, the more I felt something I was hoping to not feel again. Something dark pulling at me. A spirit, a something...drawn to me, just like before. Its presence, raising the hairs on my arms. I faced it and tried to calm myself. I wasn't going to be afraid. I'm stronger now. I face everything head on and don't back down. I shielded myself and just meditated.



The last few days I've been reaching out and experimenting with touching others energy. Not taking anything, just reaching. Seeing how far I can reach an just...experimenting lol. It's been interesting and I've been learning a lot.



However, I must depart. Time for some TKD training. I'm walking there tonight, which should be fun :)

This upcoming New Moon on the 29th, I will complete the Rite of Dedication. I think it's time. No..I know it's time.



Over the next 9 days, I'm going to reflect and meditate. Like really meditate.



I've had some bizarre reams lately and I can't remember much of them now, just the feelings I had.



I feel a change coming, but I don't know for who or what.



Today was a good day overall. Work called and told me they didn't need me, so I went to my schools TKD demo in the next town over. It was a good turnout and I'm happy with it overall. I was disappointed in one of my own failures but it showed me I had something to work on. However, one of the black belts present told me afterwards that I shouldn't be upset. What I was asked to do was difficult, especially with no prior practice. I was asked to do a suspended break (what's also called a true break) with a turning hook kick. The kick itself I can do pretty well; the problem was I'd never tried it with a suspended break. I' never done a suspended break period. So I was upset with that.



After the Demo a group of us went out to a local restaurant and had a good time. The rest of the day was spent fixing up my computer and cleaning. Back to work tomorrow though. So I'm heading to bed.



Bonsoir!

Such an incredible day.



Started out with work, but I got to go home early. It rained all ay, but it smelled so wonderful and to watch it and be out in it was almost intoxicating. I love the rain.



After work I rested for a few hours. Then went to TKD. A great class. Didn't learn anything new, but the practice of everything was good. The Master worked us hard. Drills on the bag, which he even joined us for, despite his bad knee. Practiced our blocks and went through all our forms (katas). I brought in my copy of the Tao and gave it to the Master to keep in the school. At the end of class, during mahkyum (meditation) he read one of the passages for us to reflect on. Funny enough, he chose my favorite. :)

I'm now over halfway through the 'Sanguinomicon'. So much of it...It rings true. I've heard the call since I was a child, but didn't understand it. I didn't know what it was I felt. Why I was different. I just knew I was. I'm learning and growing day by day.



I've searched for so long, looking for others like myself. I remember even coming across Father Sebatiaan's website during high school, but it warned against Initiating minors. For a long time I'd forgotten about it. Searching for other paths.



Website after website. Book after book. Nothing. Fakers, lifestylers. I felt alone. I felt I couldn't talk to anyone. No one would understand the things I felt. The things I knew. I always felt like the odd one out. I had a power I couldn't explain or even really use.



College, I finally found a group of individuals I felt I could be myself around. But they too, felt like pretenders, but at least I didn't have to hide. I could breathe and relax. I started to embrace my gifts more. Turning to learning Reiki, I started being able to channel my energy. I learned more about chakras and how to heal with my gift. While I enjoyed the classes immensely, my fellow students had difficulty working with me. Most complained that my energy was "too hot". I burned them. Even one of the three instructors couldn't work with me. It was frustrating, not understanding why. I still learned a lot and am happy for the experience.



Eventually, a few years later I found myself learning martial arts. I love the class and have found more inner strength than I thought I could ever have.



My path has been a chaotic mess but I'm glad I found my way to this point. I've made it full circle and it's time for a new journey. A new self discovery. And I hope to grow more by it and realize my potential.



It's time to truly Awaken and take hold of what I am and what I can be.