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Well I came to find out the last few days from my bio dad and his girlfriend the mother of my twin half sisters that when Emma was only a day old on my 25 birthday Sept 22, 2011 they transfered her to a different hospital.. Keep this in mind before I go any further.. Emma & Ava are twins but Emma has 45 x Turners Syndrome they werent due until October 22, 2011.. And when Emma was born she showed physically that she has Turners Syndrome.. Emma got transferred because she has a pinched artery in her heart that goes to her lower bodies circulation.. My lil half sister has to have open heart surgery & I can admit I am scared as anything.. Yes they may not share a full blood line with me but they are my flesh and blood halfway and that doesnt even truly matter.. I knew they were coming before my bio dad and his girlfriend found out they were expecting. I knew it was twins I knew it was girls.. I love Emma & Ava so much I just wish I could be home in virginia to see them and be there for my family.. Sarah Beth the twins mom is seriously scared.. as am I .. My bio dad hasnt gotten to bond with Ava because he has stayed by Emma's side.. Emma needs him most right now I just wish I could be there to be with them all.. It hurts wanting to be somewhere knowing I am needed there and I cant be there at this point.. But I love and watch over Emma & Ava always...

*September 20, 2011*

Well a lil update about my twin half sisters by my biological father & his girlfriend.. The twins orginal due date was October 22, 2011 But it lo9oks like they might end up being here within the next few days sometime around my birthday which is September 22 I'm scared for them to come this early i cant be there to watch them come into the world but I will be with them in spirit. They Zap my energy every day.. My Bio dads girlfriend said that the drs are worried about the girls because they havent grown in like 3 weeks.. I told her it might be best for them to be outside rather than inside.. I just hope that nothing bad happens to them...



*September 21, 2011 Update* I got a phone call today saying the twins were born. Still awaiting further news. I'm excited though to finally have twin half sisters and be a big sister again right before my 25 birthday. Emma weighed 4lbs and was 17 inches long & Ava was 4lbs 5 oz 17 inches long they weren't due to be born until October 22, 2011

I lost my unborn child at only 9 weeks in my womb.. To this day it still effects me pretty bad.. Its the week to the day after my birthday.. I was 20 when I lost my unborn baby.. I cant help that it still has a great impact on my life.. That was a child I very much wanted even planned... I barely keep in contact with the guy I was with who was the father because its still just to hard.. Few people understand me, my life, or everything I have been thru.. I dont try to be com,plicated.. But when I feel like I am gonna snap I just avoid everything & everyone.. I hide how I feel I bottle it up.. I trust few people & the ones I do trust I trust with my life.. But September is a bad month for me.. It has been for years.. Its when I deal with my biggest depression of all...

So as stubborn as i am and dealt with back pain in my left side near my rib cage from august 1 to the 8 I couldnt deal with it when it got worse on august 8th so i called my mom and had her take me to the er.. Where they said i had pneumonia after they took xrays and gave me oxygen and took blood after breaking blood vessels and fighting with me.. I dont like Drs I dont like needles they cant use them right.. After they sent me home with antibiotics and pain pills I had a follow up with a different Dr August 10 who at that point admitted me to the hospital. It was decided that not only was I being admitted with Hypoxia and Pneumonia which was bad but I had a bad plural infusion in my left lung. My left lung was pretty much useless with all the fluid and infection. they transferred me to a better hospital where i was at for 16 days. They put a chest tube in my left side to drain my left lung and it was in for 14 days. They had a PICC Line in my left arm to take blood and give me my iv antibiotics and fluids. Antibiotics messed with my kidneys but helped my body fight the pneumonia and the plural infusion.. Now today I had a follow up with my lung dr and my kidney dr and have to go for blood work for the kidney dr but the lung dr is letting me go back to work for a few hours a day for a few weeks.. But my lung still isnt fully rid of the infection... But its getting better =)