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even with my dad hubbie and 3 more friends living with me sometimes I still feel alone am I really or is it just all in my head because this damn accident I can't do the things I use to and it hurts not to any more I want to be able to dance and just be able to walk the mall with my friends with out the need of large amounts of fucking pain killers some days I don't feel like me I have turned into somebody I don't even know and it sucks. Well I am done with it ALL I WANT IS TO BE ME AGAIN IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK? and still the shit goes on normally I love my life and being me but lately thats all changed but life will go on if I am happy or not it will go on

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jmanwalters
05:09 May 18 2008

and i will always be there to pick you up when you fall dear one

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jmanwalters
05:15 May 18 2008

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse



When the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?



Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you



High up above or down below

When you too in love to let it go

If you never try you'll never know

Just watch and learn



Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

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Last night they came to me in my dreams my darkest fears and demons. He took the form of my husband. This is how it started: He can home kissed me told me that he loved me ans knocked me out. When I woke up he had killed my step father with a pillow and had my friend Felicia on the floor and was beating her with a belt making her bleed out on the carpet I could feel the wet feeling on the carpet then he took the ax and hacked her up. Then the next thing I knew I was in our bath room and he was beating me with a belt and said that this was not good enough and stated cutting me with a razor I could feel the cold feeling of the blade slicing through my skin and could feel the warm blood running down my body and on to the floor then I saw the Ax in his hands and then he said that he loved me and started to hack a way at my body and then My real husband woke me up. I wanted to hurt him when I saw him and I JUST DON'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE THAT ANY MORE. How do I make them leave?

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jmanwalters
05:13 May 18 2008

im not sure but i will never let anyone or anything hurt you i care for you so and will protect your dreams and nightmares with my presence

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He came again to invade my dreams only this time he was somebody I did not know. This is how it started, My husband and I were in some house being held captive and the man said that he wanted me I said "no" he drug me out of the cage that I was in and threw me on to the bed and put my husband right next to me and held a gun to his head and said "If you don't let me have you I will kill him right in front of you." So in fear for my husbands life I just laid there and he took me and made my husband watch I screamed through it all and when he was done he beat My husband Over and over with the butt of the gun caving in his skull and all I could do was lay there and scream for him to stop "stop hurting him I did what you said stop!" then he left the room leaving us there on the bed and all I could do was crawl up the bed to my husband and say"I'm sorry I did not know what else to do I'm sorry I love you I love you Please don't leave me don't die." But he did he died in my arms. Then some how I got out of the house and was in my own front yard and the fucker that raped me and killed my husband sent his thug after me and it happened to be our best friend Travis and in real life he would never hurt neither of us. He knocked me down on to the ground and I tried to get away by clawing at the ground but I could not get away he pined my down to the ground outside and said "He promised me everything I could ever want if I helped him and now I can have you as well." He started slapping me around saying "you love it remember,you love being beat during sex I'll do you better then they ever could and he started ripping off my cloths and punching me to stop me from moving. And at about that time I woke up screaming in my bed the bed sheets were soaked with sweat and there was dirt and grass under my nails. DO FUCKING TELL HOW THE FUCK DID THAT GET THERE

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jmanwalters
05:16 May 18 2008

may my presence in your thoughts defend your dreams and sooth your sleep and absorb your pain

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