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I just had an epiphany about myself...just now. I realized why I choose to not form such a strong attachment with people. Yes, there are some that I'm extremely close to but...hmm this is difficult to explain.



I've been accused of throwing people to the wayside simply because I don't hang out with them as often as I used to. Thing is, I hang out with people that are in close proximity to me meaning if I live with someone yeah chances are I'm going to hang with them a lot but that doesn't mean you're a backup friend or anything. That's just how I've always been. I'm either hanging out by myself or with whomever is closes to me. Since that is my mentality I've lost some friends to that but c'est la vie. I'm not going to try to force someone to stay in my life if they don't want to be anymore.



So, I realized why I think the way I do. I've been this way since I was kid because my thinking changed at such a young age. One of my best friend's moved away when I was in the second grade. Yeah, it sucked but I adapted fast and sure we wrote to each other but I hardly saw her. Her mom was very protective of her and never let her spend the night at anyone's house. I made new best friends and then I ended up moving at the end of my 6th grade year. Once I moved, I noticed I fought hard to stay in the lives of my old friends and to me, they just didn't care. I had them spend the night or we hung out every week but to be honest I knew they were trying to move on without me even though I tried to still be there.



That's why I think the way I do I suppose. Why I don't form such bonds with people because I know they won't fight to keep me in their life. Now, I just go with the flow and ride everything out. You don't want to be my friend anymore? Ok, I wish you all the best in life just don't burn the bridge leading to my door or you can't come back. The people I'm close with aren't needy with me, they think the way I do I suppose. Sure, I love you to pieces and I'll always be there for you and yeah I don't have to talk to every single day and hang out with you every single moment of my life. We don't feel threatened with each other. I feel like I'm talking in circles and contradicting myself....Oh well.

I noticed that my dreams are drastically different when the light is upon me than when my blinds are closed and it's dark in my room. For the past week, my dreams have been terrifying me but not enough that I would deem it a nightmare just they've gotten my heart racing rapidly. It's not longer just a man coming after me but a group of people that I feel I've seen before probably from previous dreams and I have no powers whatsoever and that is odd because I can always fly in every dream I've ever had. I don't know...just had to write this down somewhere.