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I can't find the appropriate way to express the thoughts in my mind and the feelings in my heart. Describe how to describe is going surprisingly well but it's not enough. It's not remedying anything for me. Remedying implies pain, maybe that's not the best word to use. I think...I think I'm unknowingly (well now known) chipping away at my own armor... or maybe I'm finding my weaknesses so I can hide them better. None of this makes any sense. There is no one I am longing for, no one that I miss and yet I'm discussing this topic of finding chinks in my armor so I can better protect myself. Protect myself from who?! There is no one there...

Maybe that's what it is...maybe I'm trying to fix and hide my own loneliness. Seeing it typed out before my eyes stings just a bit. But why do I find myself feeling this way? Perhaps it's too late and I've watched one too many movies and shows for today.

Tonight I watched a movie called Once. It was beautiful and succinct. While watching it I saw bits of my life in it. Though the two characters in the movie have a connection they never end up together. She's married with a child and he still misses his ex-girlfriend. Her purpose in his life was to push him to his potential, to go and play his music for his ex and get her back. He mistakes the girl's attention and time spent together for something else. They never kiss, they never have sex. At the end of the movie, he goes to London with his CDs and he buys the girl a piano and that's it. I noticed myself as the guy and this guy Cory as the girl. I guess it's hard to explain but I found beauty in discovering this because I finally see what his purpose was for my life. He came in, helped me during a difficult time and then he was gone. I haven't spoken or seen him in years and at times I wonder what was the point of the guy entering my life and know I feel as though I understand now. I have a good feeling about 2013, a really good feeling.