The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

16:00 Jul 18 2008
Times Read: 627

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. 'Are you the manager?' she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. 'Actually, no,' he replied. 'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. 'I'm afraid I can't,' breathed the bartender.. 'Is there anything I can do?' 'Yes. I need you to give him a message,' she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. 'What should I tell him?' the bartender managed to say. 'Tell him,' she whispered, 'There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.'

THE CREMATED HUSBAND
15:25 Jul 17 2008
Times Read: 630




Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes

home.



Picking up the urn he was in, she poured him out onto the patio table.

Then tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking

to him.'Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me?



I bought it with the insurance money!'



She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said.

'Herman, remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the

insurance money!'



Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes

she said.



'Herman, that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance

money!'



Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said.



'Herman, remember that blow job l promised you?''Get ready, here it comes....'