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"Tears Of Anger"



My tears are being shed for the deception that I have uncovered

This lie that I once held so close to my heart has been shoved into the light

Fueling the festering rage and frustrations that are filled with gnawing questions

How am I supposed to believe in something that has failed me multiple times

Telling me lies instead of the honest truth just to keep me salivating for more?

Now I can't say anything about the past filled with regret and blind faith

Without being accused of having doubts in the illusion that is religion

Or should I start believing again like a damn fool and let this God take the wheel?

Should I let this person in the sky take control over my life and devour me with fear

As I pray anxiously every night that I have a happy future instead of an insecure one

And become his slave again with no real sense of control in my life as I let go

Watch him steer my life again right over a fucking cliff while I still pray

Just because I am disgusted by my past naive beliefs in a religion that is unrealistic

Does not confirm that I am a confused follower of the heavenly father

I won't be silent and I won't let this inane fairy tale corrode my life ever again

For it is unhealthy to believe in a person who sees all and controls the world

Through his followers that do more harm than good to the human race

I despise being lied to and I will not let myself fall into the trap that is religion

Which is the most clever lie ever to be created in the spawn of time

So my tears will fall but they will enrich the silent rage that religion has opened up

For I won't soon forget all those nights in which I sat on my bed and fucking prayed

For this beautiful God to intervene in my life riddled with confusion and loss of hope

Read my words well, because I won't let this imaginary person brand me as his slave

Or let his devout followers try to convert me into a faceless missionary

I will remember the blood, tears, sadness, and the waste of precious time

Spent on the countless prayers and time set aside for Church and everything holy

Before I even think twice of joining this twisted way of thinking that is religion

Look into my eyes and tell me that I'm okay, that this is all a dream

And someday soon this deep pit inside my chest will go away for good

Tell me I belong in a warm, safe and loving home filled with joy

Instead of tears and bloody scratches alive with the infection of sin

Hold my hand and squeeze it tightly as you wipe away the sweat

For I don't know where my home is or what I have become now

Hold onto me close and never let me go, not even for a faltering second

My depression has been keeping me prisoner here for almost a year

Tearing me apart with its malice and never ending self hatred

I'm deeply ashamed of my past, even though most of it is not my doing

It keeps me awake at night and threatens to take my life without remorse

I no longer know who I really am or what my purpose is because of this

This is why I need you to ground me, to shake me like a damn ragged doll

Shout at me for my inane actions and my foolish words of self pity

I need someone to believe in me, at least for a couple of minutes

Instead of allowing myself to be ravaged by the ones who are close to me

Who have shown their true intentions without the slightest of trouble

I'm tired of the crimson tainting everything I touch, spreading the sin

I'm just too lost and I need someone to guide me toward the light

No matter how dim it might be, I will be better if I have you by my side

No longer alone to be put on the autopsy table and be examined

As if I were a patient sick with an unknown disease in the hospital

I need you to tell me that this can't go on forever, not for too long

Because I've come to believe that those words are a message of false hope

Nothing will get better with me as long as I am stuck here in this filth

So please, I beg of you, hold me close and just let me touch you

It's all I want and it's all I need to start living my life once more

Without the threat of self destruction and self hatred that stalks me

Wherever I dare go and whenever I am awake in this pure darkness

I'm a self possessed demon devoted to the night



I drain everything around me from its light



I crawl in places that are too dark for you



Unlit alleys that hold no name, that's where I roam



I call for you while you are sleeping



Entombed in the world of dreams, vulnerable just for me



It is the perfect time to play with you, my little toy



Can't you see the excitement on my wretched face



The daggers I am holding, the sweet sin that I am inhaling?



I enter your mind smoothly without the slightest bit of trouble



Your mind is so pure, it attracts me like no other thing



My entrance is accepted foolishly by you



You think that this is just another fake reality, a dream



I'm about to prove to you that this is anything but a fabrication



Perhaps torturous, maybe horrible, but definitely real



I see you wandering around a dilapidated house



No sense of direction, no control over your movements



I smile in anticipation as I watch you, delighted at your naive nature



My pace is slow as I approach you, I don't rush my attack



I want to feel the fear oozing out of you once you know I am near



Once I'm a couple of inches away from your back, you stop



You sense that something is terribly wrong



I am holding my dagger tightly around the blade



Forcing the blood to seep out of my pale hand



It drips down the floor and makes an eerie sound



Drip, drip, drip, you hear in apprehension



As you slowly turn around and face a monster stripped from light



I cock my head to the side as your eyes enlarge in panic



You know that there's nothing right about my disturbing aura



Trying to flee from my side, you begin to run



But innocently trip over the rug on the wooden floor



A chuckle escapes my lips as I crouch down to you



Trying to leave, I say, before we have even begun our fun?



I bring the dagger above me and wait for your reaction



I want to see your eyes brimming with hopelessness and despair



You turn around, shaking, and scream once you see the dagger



It plummets down to your torso, where it sinks in right above your navel



You shriek in terror, not knowing what to do as the adrenaline turns on



Your body is motionless, your brain frigid with the shock



I quickly take out the dagger and watch as the blood begins to escape



Your viscera vulnerable to the outside world now



By now, you're moaning in your sleep, turning over on the bed



You want to wake up, remind yourself that this is just a dream



I wipe the blade clean with your fresh blood on my hand



Its intoxicating scent filling my mind with pure desire



Your blood and my blood mix, creating a delicious mixture



My tongue licks away every single drop until there's none left



It is so good, I want to have more of this undeniable sin



I know that you are weak, though, and that you deserve some rest



Before you wither away completely and have nothing left



So I disappear into the shadows, release you from anguish



I watch as you wake up in apprehension and confusion



Smirking, I return to the shadows and let you be



Until the next time that we meet



When I will take another piece of your soul



And claim it as my own

I remember so well the first night in which I saw him

I was laying on the ground with the knife in my hand

The cuts covered almost every inch of my skin

There was misery inside of me, stuck so deep within

I tried giving myself hope, a way to survive

Yet all I received in return were tears and bruises

My mom didn't want to hear a single word I spoke

She was too busy hating me for my father's sins

Secretly denying the abuse that I relived every night

But right there in the forest, I was going to give up my fight

Until I saw the beautiful man dressed in black

His cloak draped over his head, falling down to his feet

I thought he was going to hurt me too, all the way to my core

Bracing myself for the unjust pain, I shut my eyes

But he didn't hurt my body or wound my soul

Instead he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight

Whispered into my ear, everything is going to be all right

My stomach heaved and I gasped for air, panicking

As I felt something stir inside of me, eager to get out

I gagged and vomited on the forest floor

Watching in surprise as this black mass spilled out of my lips

You are cleansed now, he said in a serene, smooth voice

He stood up and held me tight in his strong arms

As I quietly stared back into his glimmering, defiant eyes

They were the color of fire, yet as cold as ice

I know what they do to you, he whispered slowly

Together, we can teach them a lesson that will forever alter them

I looked at him, frightened, not knowing what to do

Sensing my hesitation, he set me down and took my hand

No need to be afraid, no one will know the damage

I couldn't speak to him, as hard as I tried to answer his offering

My cuts were distracting me as they bled profusely

The blood spilled down my arms without mercy

Forcing me to moan in excruciating pain at the stings

He didn't say a word as he grabbed both of my arms with his hands

I had no idea what he was doing, but then the pain began to fade

It forced me to look at my arms and gasp in surprise

My cuts were gone, no longer visible under the moonlight

I looked up at him and whispered, why?

He just smiled under his cloak and never answered me

We began to walk toward my house, slowly without a hurry

The silence covered us like a blanket, until we reached the house

I could hear my father laughing with my mother right next to him

For the first time in my life, I felt an anger so raw and pure

It forced me to tighten my hand around the small knife I still had

With a tiny chuckle, he took a step back into the darkness

As I heard him calmly say, ladies go first