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So, this new medicine I was talking about last night, I took it as instructed at bedtime. It instantly knocked me out. I mean, yes I had taken methadone earlier in the day so it's normal to feel tired, but this was different. I can't remember anything that happened after falling asleep. Usually i'll toss and turn just a little bit and see glimpses of my boyfriend still playing video games or i'll hear bits and pieces of conversation going on around me, but no. Nothing. I was dead almost. It felt that way.

When I awoke at 2:30 in the afternoon, I was disoriented and groggy. For a moment I didn't know what time it was or where I was. It was kind of scary. Then, when I finally woke up, I was stumbling around the house and my legs felt like jelly. I could have collapsed at any moment.

I was also starving, so my boyfriend made us very dry, bland cheeseburgers. ( since he doesn't believe in seasoning anything. oh and he hates all condiments..pssh) So, now I'm contemplating on whether or not I should crash on my bed and sleep again. He will probably be pissy for the rest of the night if I do, but goddamn. I feel like I can barely walk across the room. This medicine is strong..

So, I got put on new medicine. It's meant to be taken with the current anti depressant you're taking to boost it a little. They are 25mg pills. I hope they work better for me. Lexapro helped me a lot in the beginning, but as time went by the effects weren't as strong.

My boyfriend has been acting more intimate with me lately, which I absolutely love. I don't know. I just love feeling loved. Like when he gently kissed my hand the other night when he was half asleep. That was the sweetest thing ever.. He can be very touchy and arrogant when he wants to be, though. I took 10mg of methadone today, which doesn't seem like a lot, but considering I don't take it everyday, 10mg is quite a bit for me. My mother is prescribed 100mg, so you must imagine what she feels. It had been atleast a month since I've had any. I had missed it quite a bit. I don't take it everyday, but let's just say, if I had the opportunity to have it, I would take it in a heartbeat.

The way it makes me feel is indescribable. People can judge me for this, but I do what I choose. That's just how I am.

Well, perhaps today won't be so bad after all. My boyfriend just suggested that we go to the movies and possibly invite my sister and her husband along too. I believe we are going to see 10 Cloverfield Lane. Me and my boyfriend (his name is Trint) are both alien enthusiasts so anything involving the unknown or supernatural is right down our alley. I just wish I didn't feel so shitty. Sigh.

P.S. if anyone is trying to message me, I'm so sorry, but I am unable to send any messages due to the 24hr limit for newbies. :( I can see all of your messages but can not reply.

I woke up feeling like absolutely nothing, as usual. My sister invited me to this dog show. It was this morning at 8. She was going to go without me, regardless because one of her friend's dog's was going to be in the show. I didn't wake up in time and my boyfriend of course blamed it on me. He's bad about blaming things that go wrong on me. Makes me feel like shit.

Anyway, his mother messaged me on facebook yesterday to inform me that someone on his father's side of the family passed away. He doesn't care much for his father's side of the family, so I figured he wouldn't care about going, but he loves making things difficult for me. You see, it's that time of the month for me and I'm recovering from a nasty cold. I respect that he wants to go and pay his respects, but please don't drag me along to that. And if he goes alone, he'll be gone forever. He doesn't have a phone either, so no way to contact him either.