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Just for fun, about a year ago I started singing at karaoke. It was something I was never able to do before because I had a fear or being up in front of crowds of people. It's why I was always so bad at solo talks in High School. Over the past year though, I've grown to really enjoy getting up and singing, eager for my next turn. I sing about the house a bit and when I'm out and about, but it's only really when I'm out at a karaoke I can really let loose.



Recently I competed in a karaoke talent competition and to my surprise I cared about the result. I went in with no thoughts that I would have any chance of winning but as the competition went on, my views began to change. I began to notice things a bit differently. The other singers' voices weren't clear, or really confident. There was no power in their voices. I began to feel like I had a fighting chance. Then when it was my turn for my last song, a friend of mine said; "I wouldn't like to be following him.". She meant of course, the singer before me, who was in my opinion far better than any of the other singers that were competing that day. My confidence waned slightly and my last song was a risk but it was a risk I was going to have to take to prove myself. Then there I was standing in front of everybody, microphone in hand. The song started and everybody went silent. Then as soon as I started singing, I got to watch the expressions on people's faces change and I knew this was the right choice. I tried my hardest to make the song my own, and when the song came to and end, there was the largest applause and cheers of the day. I felt proud of myself at that point. A couple of songs later they announced the results. The top 3 included the man who sang before me who came in 2nd place, a guy that I hadn't even noticed who came in 1st place and a joint 3rd place of 2 people who I and other people with me believed couldn't sing well at all. There was a level of shock at my table. Even I couldn't believe I hadn't placed at all. Even with all the compliments from people telling me I was amazing. I lost to people we thought were mediocre.



The sad realization kicked in, that the judges were regulars and they were friends with the winners. To them I was just an outsider, there for a one off chance to get money. It turned out though, on my part. I really wanted to show what I was capable of. In the end, if the judging was done by the reaction of the crowd, I could genuinely say I won. At least amongst my friends and I, the mutual feeling was that it was an unfair judging. So although I went in with no intention to win, I found a real discomfort in being (for lack of a better word) cheated, from a sense of recognition for my efforts. I will continue to sing though, regardless of if it is only at karaoke because it is something I have grown to truly enjoy.

COMMENTS

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Isis101
19:53 Jun 09 2014

That's the way it is, unfortunately.

By the way - what did you sing?

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Saving a life. It's something people dream of. That moment in time when they can be the knight in shining armour, the hero there to save the day when things are at their worst. It's usually thought of as doing something courageous. Putting somebody else first regardless of their own life. Sometimes though, it's seen as something a little different than that. Something a bit more subtle.



I don't believe I've ever saved a life or ever will do so but the day before writing this I did something that some people consider quite close. Put simply, I noticed a work colleague in the early stages of a stroke. I managed to get help quickly and an ambulance picked him up shortly afterwards. I was told afterwards that he was OK but was being kept in hospital for a while. In my head I'm unsure on how to class this, because I was praised for doing what I did to help him but at the same time I don't really feel like I did anything at all.



It's a strange feeling being treated with praise and feeling like you in no way deserve it. Kind words with no feeling of satisfaction from hearing them. I didn't do anything for him so that I could feel better about myself and I expect no praise from him on his return to work. It is possible that once he is in full health again and back at work, I might think differently of the situation but currently, I just feel like it was something that you would expect of any person. You would have to have serious psychological problems to watch somebody dying in front of you without doing anything about it.



So in the end. I did what I did, regardless. I'm in no way, shape or form a hero. I didn't save a life. You could consider it as;



"I came close."

Join The Military - Done

Cliff Face Climbing - Done

Own A Business - Done

Go Sailing - Done

Be On TV - Done

Get A Tattoo - Done

Go To A Tattoo Convention - Done

Be In A Magazine - Done

Compete In A Talent Competition - Done

Learn Bass Guitar - In Progress

Go to A Music Festival

Buy A House

Wind Surf

Bungee Jump

Sky Dive

Visit Japan

Visit Italy

Learn to Drive

Swim With Sharks

Write A Book

Learn A Second Language

Compete In A Gaming Tournament

Move To A City

Scuba Dive

I believe that one day my life will be a lot different than it is now. I don't believe I'm going to stay where I am now and do what I do. I believe I'm going to pay off my debts, move to the city and my past will be left here without me. It sounds like something out of fiction but I'll leave behind the murder, the death, the rape and the arguments. I wont have time for the theft and poverty of the past. The bullies from the past can stay just where they are. I'll go singing and dancing into my future with a smile on my face. All my past relationships will just be a fleeting moment in my life's past. I wont regret my past as I move forward into a future that it no longer exists in. I'll have come to terms with my experiences and accept them as just that. I will be able to say that I survived through it all, without even so much as a chip on my shoulder.





I want anyone reading this to know that all these things I've mentioned have actually been experiences in my life. Just like anyone else I've had family members die, I've have debts beyond anything I could afford for a time and I was bullied in High School for my height. Then comes the things that aren't so usual for people. I've been so poor that I've had to steal food to survive, I've caught a family member trying to force himself on someone, and my landlord was shot and killed in a fake contraband cigarette deal. I suppose I could say that my life has been quite colourful.



After all this though, I think Ive become a lot more rounded as a person. I smile each and every day. I've become a lot more confident. I've gone from not being able to speak in front of a group of people, to being able to get up and sing at karaoke with more confidence than I think I've ever shown in my life. Meeting new people has gone from being one of the hardest things for me, to being one of the things I enjoy most. I don't believe I'll ever be rich or successful but I'll be happy in whatever it is I decide to do, wherever it is that I end up.





I am quite happy to think that at no point here I make myself out to be worse off than anyone else. Just that I'm looking at things in a much more positive way. I've been reading a book recently about what makes you who you are, and I believe it's made me think about it quite a bit. I am defined by the experiences of my life, I am now defined by the experiences of my past and will be by the experiences of my future. I get a sense of satisfaction knowing I have not been stopped or disgruntled by life, I've accepted it for what it is and hopefully I will continue to in the future.