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4 entries this month
22:22 Jun 26 2010
Times Read: 534
22:19 Jun 26 2010
Times Read: 535
Things to do in a lift when bored!03:54 Jun 22 2010
Times Read: 544
1. When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.
2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4. Call the Psychic Hotline on your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you’re on.
5. Hold the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How’s your day been?"
6. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That’s mine!"
7. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8. Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
9. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they’d like to play.
10. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.
11. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
03:47 Jun 22 2010
Times Read: 547
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business function. He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping - Love you!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table. Jack asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, THAT! Mum dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, bitch, I’m married!".
Three men were sitting together recounting how they had given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a woman from Albania and boasted that he had told his wife she must do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house. He said that it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Korea. He said he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn’t see any results but the nextday it was better. By the third day his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married an English girl. He said that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day the didn’t see anything but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.
A social misfit walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.
"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.
"Well I’ll tell you," replies the ugly bloke. "You know I live by the railway, well on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies.
I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top sometimes, her on top!"
"Fantastic," exclaimed the barman. "You lucky sod. Was she pretty?"
"I dunno, I never found her head."
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