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11 entries this month
Changes21:53 Nov 26 2013
Times Read: 402
I've noticed that I seem to always get negative changes in my life,when I actually begin to feel positive.
I can't seem to enjoy anything anymore and I'm kind of emotionally closed off.I seem to be alienating my friends,I can't talk to anyone without it turning into some kind of messed up argument and I can't
write poetry,or rather I can't write it as easily as I could before.
Then I've been having problems at work and I don't know what will happen there.I can't bear to stay at home at times,so I tend to wander around the city until I want to sleep.Funny thing is that a week ago I was fine,but everything changed suddenly.
At times it takes all the willpower I have just to get out of bed and do something,anything.Plus I seem to have lost my appetite,which is a bad sign,considering that I love to cook(though over the past month I haven't been cooking much,I mostly eat takeout now.
Maybe this is depression(real depression mind you)
I'm not sure of anything anymore.Then another thing is that a friend of mine tried to set me up on a date with an interesting young woman,but I suffered through it and though I was polite,I find myself completely disinterested in relationships now.
I don't believe that at 23,I live like an old man..
I don't like to go out,I'm not looking for friendship in real life or a real relationship.I wanted to get a cat,but I decided that it would just make me deppressed.
I'm not really sure of anything anymore.
Someone suggested that I talk to a psychologist and a second person suggested a priest.Neither helped much
i hope that things will change,but right now hope is all I have that's good.Well hope,a job and good living conditions,so it could be worse
Constantine22:49 Nov 25 2013
Times Read: 407
Watched the movie Constantine,2 days ago.I watched it when I was a kid,but now I can understand and relate to the sarcasm that the character has.I seem to have also acquired it as well.
Like for example I was at a doctor`s Office three days ago and he told me if I kept Smoking in 30 years I`d be a sick,old man.So I told him
``I know,I`ve smoked 20 ciggaretes a day since I was 17 and I`m going to hell,because I tend to be isolated and really don`t care about anything anymore``
The doctor just looked at me and shook his head.
While I meant that as sarcasm,I`m not so sure about that now
Idiocy20:43 Nov 25 2013
Times Read: 410
So because three People ``got sick`` I worked triple shift.16 hours of work,without a minute`s rest.What Kind of idiot doesn`t call ahead?
There is something known as a phone
This was Saturday and then on Sunday in the morning another 10 hours.Jeez People maybe I should get three paychecks instead of one,because I`m doing all the work for your lazy ass.
(This rant does not in any way refer to anyone on here,just saying)
Premiums12:48 Nov 22 2013
Times Read: 421
Having thought it over I think that I may as well get a Premium at the end of the month,when I get paid.After all I`m halfway to Sire(even if with Marks),so I Need to make a better looking Profile,add some Music.
A lifetime premium should be good
People and restaraunts00:11 Nov 18 2013
Times Read: 478
So today at work,someone reserved an entire room for a Party(no idea what the occassion was).Anyway here`s the messed up part:
All the People(there were around 40 People) who were in the room,went out and crowded the bar so that I couldn`t even serve Drinks.Why do you pay extra for a room Reservation if you`re going to stand at the bar and drink like a fish?
They did leave good tips though,but still I fail to see the logic here.
Then when they were suppossed to pay they just march up to me and Hand me a wad of cash.Yes a wad,because there aren`t any other words to describe it.It was definitely 300 euros more than their bill.But I being a normal Person and all,told them this after which they frantically snatched the Money back and huddled around the table trying to figure out how much they owed.So drunk that they couldn`t count.This is why I am slowly losing my faith in humanity.
Anyway that`s it for today I guess
Home18:39 Nov 13 2013
Times Read: 498
So I noticed that I am far more open about myself on VR than in real life.I guess that`s because I see other People,who like me can`t really Show or talk about things which they like in real life.When I sit in my favorite Pub,I look at all These People who talk about the weather,the beer,anything to avoid something that bothers them.But then when you meet them and they`re a bit drunk,they have this outpour of sadness,hate and other negative emotions.Do People really bottle up their emotions so much that they require copious amounts of alcohol to deal with them?
I don`t do that and while I may not be the figure of righteousness,I do not grow all my bad emotions until they drive me to pass out in front of a McDonalds at 2am.
That`s why I`m grateful for finding VR and finding People which are many times more interesting than the ones I have to deal with on a regular Basis.
This also goes to the conversations that People try to start with me.
Person 1:So man,I`m throwing this Party and you`re my best friend so can you come and chill with us?
Me:I have work.
What I don`t say is that I would rather shovel cow dung than attend a drunken frat Party which I apparently still get invited to,since I tend to be the only Person who is able to talk in a known language after an hour and a half.
Another example is People who invite me to their birthday parties and then end up turning These parties into a psychology session.Pathetic
Then there`s These People who constantly bug me to teach them witchcraft.When I take this seriously,they tell me that it`s boring.Well what did you expect,three words and you`re a magician?
Plus witchcraft is not Magic,big difference.
There`s more,but this is deppressive to read,so I`ll stop now
Techs23:43 Nov 12 2013
Times Read: 503
Growing up with a programmer for a father,made me a really picky individual when it Comes to Computers.So when I let People use it(which happens rarely) I want them to think before they do something.Granted that the grandmother of one of my best friends is not a Computer expert,but she could still listen to me and not stubbornly open a dozen pages and mash the Keyboard like an angry Gorilla.If you can`t work a Computer,ask for help,jeez.Two guys that spend as much time with Computers and tech as me and Rob(that`s the best friend) can probably help you.What you don`t do is act like the angry Gorilla which I describe above.But ok,she`s old and sweet and she makes some seriously awesome pies.So I can forgive her,because my own grandmother also has a hard time adjusting to the Information supernetwork Age.Plus my Computer was a Special order and was assembled for the specific purpose of Holding certain programs,not to order kitty litter and umbrellas online.
That`s my rant for today I guess
Hang-over cures00:36 Nov 12 2013
Times Read: 524
So as a guy that works part time as a bartender,I always get the question of ```Look man,I want to drink,but I have work tommorow.Do you know any hangover cures?``
While I desire to pour a bottle of Liquor on them and get them picked up by Police for reekng like a brewery,I ussually am forthcoming with the info.
If you want to read a couple of These cures check out my Spells section
Pets00:31 Nov 12 2013
Times Read: 527
I really want to get a pet.I`m thinking a cat,but I also like reptiles or maybe I should get a pitbull or something,though I really want a wolfhound.
Choices,choices
Drama03:10 Nov 05 2013
Times Read: 600
With the master of blocking Vladvampirelord gone(Hopefully),I hope that VR can be a peaceful and interesting place of collaboration.But the more I`m here,the more I see People who make Drama.
People,don`t act like this is FB or Twitter,it insults your intelligence.If you wanted to Insult your own intelligence you wouldn`t be here,so no need for the Drama.
Work 01:18 Nov 01 2013
Times Read: 447
Just once I want to work with people who are responsible for their work.Today I worked a triple shift because some idiot forgot
to show up.I always pick up other people's slack
and I'm so sick and tired of people expecting me to do so.
Seriously be responsible for once people.
Anyway that's my rant for today
Sorry
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COMMENTS
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frozenVheart
01:21 Nov 27 2013
U have friends here who cares how u are feeling sweet... We all have ups and downs in emotionals,lives,fighting with darkness inside us.. Everything we holding inside soon or latter must come out...somehow... Just try think positive and do things that make u happy... it will pass...besides..u are amazing soul... I know u are strong... Hugs
Sangreas
08:17 Nov 27 2013
Thanks Frozen.I really appreciate that
NOKOMIS
20:43 Nov 27 2013
u seem like a wonderful person, and I like reading your stuff, but please keep ur chin up butter cup, because things will get better!
Sangreas
21:45 Nov 27 2013
Thanks Nokomis.My VR friends are at least emotionally sensitive