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Starting at the bottom is a good idea sometimes...
19:36 Sep 25 2024 Times Read: 171
I have a tendency to jump in feet first to situations and exploring on my own, shooting from the hip and relying on intuition.
Recognizing that trait and placing tools at my disposal to ensure that the journey doesn't get badly distorted has become a necessity to address what is a known character flaw. As such, I've taken a much more methodical approach this time around and hopefully, that can bear a much sweeter fruit.
While I'm not recommending this for everyone, certainly not without consulting doctors and advisors, I'm posting it in case it's helpful for anyone else wandering in this direction, to see the impact and information that it brings forth. This is what I've undertaken so far;
Standard medical - Physical exam. Full blood panels. Total dietary change, cold turkey quitting of all addictive substances, including coffee, sugar, alcohol, medications (self and prescribed), smoking, and processed foods.
Metaphysical - Undergoing Reiki assessments and alignments, Exploring energy exchange and extrapolating Tai Chi principles into that space, as well as cherry picking some ideas from Tantra.
Spiritual - Examinations of both normalized and esoteric belief systems under wider historical contexts and applying 360 degree interpretations of various dogma.
Mental - Therapy in the form of sharing trauma with other survivors, confiding in trained counselors and undertaking (for my specific circumstances), a course of hypnotherapy.
Results are interspersed within this journal section and commentary is made regarding outcomes and effectiveness towards my own situation.
As academic study grows knowledge, I hope to discover at least a few insights that could serve as jumping off points into deeper learning that could lead to shared research opportunities.
While these are all noble endeavors and lofty goals to some extent, I believe that if we don't reach high, we'll fall short every time.
Ooh! I forgot about the acupuncture. It does help the back. Good luck! I do love those needles...
I'm more than underwhelmed...
16:55 Sep 14 2024 Times Read: 294
Thursday September 12th @ 4pm, New Orleans Metro Area
Past Life Regression Hypnosis
Therapist/Practitioner has more than 10 years experience.
Beginning is to calm down, find comfort, relax, let go. Let myself fall into it. No resistance, no worry, feeling the body disappear and disconnect from the mind.
Everything discussed will be recalled in memory. Here's the outcome;
We go back to the beginning. The first memory. Not of childhood, but to a place and time that my mind wants to find. I feel like we're in Egypt at first, but it's not. It's North Africa. I'm looking over rolling hills. Green, but with a hint of dryness. It's lush, fertile. I thought desert at first, but because the sun was so bright. Everything had a yellow/orange hue.
I'm asked to look at myself. I'm in simple clothes- light greyish tunic, leather strap around the midriff. Some basic pattern around the collar and short sleeves. Basic sandless with leather thong wraps up my calves. I have weapon(?) Perhaps a staff or spear. I'm sitting now, looking out at a vast expanse. It seems empty, no trees, just softly rolling hills.
Do I have a name? No. I don't know. I'm asked a date- I don't know. we don't measure time. Not in the same way and it's irrelevant to who I am.
We move forward, forward, forward. I'm born. it's this life I'm in now.
Back, back to before i was born. I have to choose., I'm with some 'people'. Others like me, they want me to choose. I'm hesitant. I feel their impatience. Can't get a clear picture of them. They're shadows and thoughts. What's around me? A vast emptiness. stretching into nothing.
Back again, back to that place we started in, but now I'm in a large hall. Stone built, sandstone perhaps. Orange hues. There's a table of sorts made of a large block, or carved from the bedrock. It's has food- fruits, wines, delicacies. There's people around it. Male and female. No children. The men are bald, shaved perhaps. Laughing and joking. I'm not a part of it. I'm an observer. Watching, silent. No real feelings- just, standing at the end of the hall. I feel as though there's someone to my left. Another like me. We are holding spears I think. We're guards, pretty sure. I'm not allowed to speak, or to move.
They're dressed in finer clothing. the women may also be bald, but with headdresses. Hard to tell. They are less amused, but still relaxed. Perhaps a joke that wasn't as funny as the teller thinks it is.
Forward 5 years. I'm older sitting in front of this same building, looking out across the same expanse. Further forward. I'm old. Grey. Close to death. Forward to my death. I'm laying on a stone(?) block. People are over me. I try to look at them. they have some sort of ritualistic headpieces. unclear. I'm dying. My heart hurts. I feel the physical pain while I'm in the chair. Sharp, stabbing.
I'm asked what do they want? They want me to come with them. But I don't think I'm wanted- more like needed. I'm necessary, but not welcomed. Something they did was an error. Unexpected consequences. It feels like we're at the end of an age. This knowledge of what they're doing to me, did to themselves too, is from a past time, before even their own maybe. It feels like many, many thousands of years and the world is ending.
I'm brought back. No answers really. Not a lot of it makes sense, even with what I know now. It's confusing and a sort of general sense of a monotonous life. Uneventful and repetitive. Nothing special happens, no great wisdoms are learned. I'm left with a sensation of being 'baggage', an afterthought.
I feel like I lacked a wow moment for myself. I wanted answers dammit!
This is so mundane, I can't even.
PRIVATE ENTRY
07:53 Sep 14 2024 Times Read: 302
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
Are we all in this same head space? What the actual fk is going on?
11:20 Sep 13 2024 Times Read: 320
Huh.. I've been waking up between 4am and 5am on a frequent basis lately. When I do, the first thing I feel is this whole body vibration sensation. It's not unpleasant. It's like a thrumming, electric buzzing.
Again today. Wide awake too. Is this an after effect of a lucid dream that I can't recall?
And last week, I was experiencing another sensation every evening for 6 consecutive, for around 2 hours, at around the same time period each time. I had thought environmental, but the timing is too regular.
Is this me, or an external force?
Just coincidence perhaps. But now it's not as regular.
One of the things about awakening- the process of becoming aware of the wider universe around one's self, of the metaphysical, the energetic and dare to say, the higher self, is the spark that fires the imagination and once seen and experienced, can never really be forgotten.
We can lock it up in a box, bury it down deep, pretend we didn't see it, find ways to cope or 'forget'. Drugs, alcohol, religion even, something to try and give meaning to supernatural experience. But it's really not that easy. It's always there, the knowledge that came in and shattered our worldview. the egg can't be unbroken. And it's not just one singular moment- it's a series of continuations that each time opens a new set of doors to walk through.
For me it changed everything. And I mean everything, several times. As a child, I didn't get it- I was just into angels and demons and occult things as fascinating ideas that took hold in a fertile imagination. But this changed the nature of my relationships with other kids. Moving around so often also made it difficult to form bonds.
As a teen, these interests and feelings of separation became more pronounced, leading me into the world of Crowley, Magick and darker arts, causing me to explore like a babe putting toys into it's mouth. With only the library and paper books for reference, it was a slow process and limited in scope.
In my twenties, that power of the imagination grew and it became chaotic, unstructured and mis-directed. I believe I caused harm with it. Great harm. And this made me recoil in revulsion at myself. Shame rooted in childhood trauma then attached itself to the whole idea. But I still yearned for understanding, or some frame of reference to make it make sense.
Reaching out on a relatively new tool called 'the internet', I discovered VR. I then followed a path that led from here to other places.
Deeper and deeper I went in to find those who had the kind of experiences and the knowledge I sought, but fear, uncertainty and doubt gripped me hard. I ran. Yep, I ran and I hid.
And then I connected with someone and committed, left it all behind- job, home, friends/family, possessions. Everything. I arrived in the US with $1000 and 2 bags. But I really just used them as a distraction from the bigger picture. I was enamored, in 'love' to the extent that one can be in such a context. But It's was lop-sided. When we separated, it tore me up, mentally, emotionally and energetically. I think they had already begun closing off and I hadn't. I don't know- I haven't spoken to them to know if they suffered the same way I did.
That experience left me wrecked, unable to care about what was going on outside of myself. I went back to the UK and mourned, stood on that cliff edge, looking out over a dark chasm. But then I met my wife and she healed me to the point where i was able to function, stabilizing me and then again, I left it all behind, came back to the US and this time, built a good life. A normal life. Filled with challenges and trials and pains and joys, and it still is, but I still feel that burning spark.
Some have told of their stories of awakening as young children so that others can understand, and feel that they're not alone in a shared experience that makes no logical sense to a child's mind.
Most are coming to this point at puberty, developing interests in esoteric ideas where it's difficult to find source material for reference. And such was and to some extent, still is the stigma of being different, weird or 'out there', that much of the information to help guide is hidden, or wrapped up in a bunch of bullshit that it's useless for anything other than a vague generality of association, which leads inevitably to misunderstanding and confusion, even grave mistakes.
I have to give credit to those who have stepped out in front, taken the hits and dared to present philosophies that challenge the mainstream, that challenge the very core of western brainwashing. We're really heading back into, or perhaps it's a newly evolved version of 'The Wall' (Pink Floyd), and so when there's those of us in the Gen X who've shut down our brains, stuck our fingers in our ears, and sang la la la la la for so long, before finally waking up again, we should get our shit together, stand up, be counted and do the 'right' thing to challenge the notions that being 'abnormal' is wrong.
Not fitting the mold is a tough one. Typically it's a case of dragging of ourselves out of adolescence and into a world we were never prepared for, but still carrying baggage from trauma that we were never able to have time to face and resolve, because we were too busy just trying to fucking survive.
And for those of us who did, the echoes of those experiences still ring loud, but we've become deafened to the sounds. But sometimes, something happens. I've seen it called a 'calling'. I can't explain it. Others have done it more justice in explanation than I could. But it's magnetic, spiritually speaking, or energetically- however it's framed. It's like a plucking on the web of a spider and it came cut through the mundane noise, pinging us and perhaps even re-igniting that spark into a roaring flame.
And so what's next? All I can do is share experiences, give my perspectives on others' explanations and concepts, and maybe drop a few markers or signposts along the way so that those who come after might not get quite as lost as I did.
I'm trying, despite my wounds and self-inflicted injuries, to be the truth of me and let that show others how to be the same. Not with ego and aggrandizement, but with love and honesty. Perhaps too much for some. Oversharing is possible, but at the end of the day, I am who I am and as I wake up again from this strange slumber, I feel a sense of responsibility and duty perhaps, to continue the journey I've started, whatever the destination may be this time.
I stayed with my grandparents on and off throughout my childhood and while I don't recall a great deal, I have a few pinpoints of memory. He passed away into the next life in the summer of 2007. Another regret that I wasn't there during that time that I'll face at some point, but what I do recall are these things;
Egg mayo on toast after getting home from school.
Falling into a red clay river aged 4 or 5 and having him pick me up and bring me home.
Him asking the question aged 11 "what happens with the unstoppable force meets the immovable object? Wrestled with that one for nearly 40 years.
And his love of singing this song. I had never looked up the words before I saw this video today.
Believe in yourself and your truth and you will win.
Our grandparents are very important. I was raised by mine and I lost them both back in 2014.
Keep the songs words in mind and heart
Round 2...
13:31 Sep 09 2024 Times Read: 470
Yesterday evening was the 2nd hypnosis session. Quite curious. Not sure I gained too much from it. But it feels like we're going deeper each time. Trying to find memories, but at the same time, trying not to let ego and preconceptions insert false ones.
We were able to prevent the block from slamming down and stepped into some space. Glimpses, fleeting, jumbled. Sensations, very generalized. Open doors were a theme. Seems that we're going to be able to pull back the covers on repressed memories soon. Imagery touched on being in darkness, among vampires, but not concern, or fear- more like surprise. Then seeing light above, traveling to it. Then seeing myself, more fully realized, but still just a face. Not a reflection- but me in a separate form. And another golden hued bust image of a male. Pre-dynastic Egyptian, with a tall slim, plain head dress, not a lot of jewelry, handsome, slender, softer than the other two, balanced.
The sensation of being disembodied is what I imagine being in a flotation tank might feel like. Some things I saw, I think were metaphors, some were direct first person perspective and experience. Difficult to make sense of it all.
I've been given the below 'mantra' to complete;
The below-named people, organizations, situations, or experiences
[insert list]
I Forgive you on all levels of consciousness. (Physical, Mental, and Spiritual.) for now and forever. I release you and let you go to your good quickly and in peace.
The below-named people, organizations, situations, or experiences
[insert list]
You forever forgive me on all levels of consciousness (Physical, Mental, and Spiritual). You let me go in peace and harmony. So that blessings can flow to me for now and forever.
Repeat this 10 times as I'm falling asleep for the next few nights, then burn those lists without showing them to anyone.
What an interesting list this will be. lol
I'd recommend a quiet space with no likelihood of interruptions. Turn off the phone. Essentially, prepare the setting in a way that relaxes, feels familiar.
Hope this helps to inform anyone considering the same exercise.
Session 3 moved to 9/12 due to the hurricane. More dammits.
Another lifeline.
16:18 Sep 07 2024 Times Read: 603
I have a newfound appreciation for Jared Leto today.
As is ever the case, the awesome just comes out of nowhere sometimes.
And now a crossing of a threshold into new understandings, a head above water, and a breath of relief. Joy, tinged with the lingering sadness, though not spoiled by it; it only becomes more flavorful in it's variety.
A dissolution of ego. Generosity, openness, care, delicacy, tenderness, acceptance. Truth. Trust. Freedom. Life.
Such kindness and support I've received, that I can never fully repay, nor am I expected to, not directly. It's all a cycle and each has a role. I know what mine is, and can be. Evolution is constant. Like the wind can never truly be still, neither can that same swirling breath inside us be at rest. But it can be stilled momentarily, in small pockets of simply being. In the moment, our spirit satiated for a time. And in this moment, we know more than we could ever have imagined possible.
Rescue Me
Lyrics
Whatever you do, don't ever play my game
Too many years being the king of pain
You gotta lose it all if you wanna take control
Sell yourself to save your soul
Rescue me from the demons in my mind
Rescue me from the lovers in my life
Rescue me from the demons in my mind
Rescue me, rescue me, rescue me
Rescue me
Whatever you do, don't ever lose your faith
The devil's quick to love, lust and pain
Better to say yes to never know, oh, oh
Sell yourself to save your soul
Rescue me from the demons in my mind
Rescue me from the lovers in my life
Rescue me from the demons in my mind
Rescue me, rescue me, rescue me
Rescue me
Sell yourself to save your soul, you gotta, oh, oh
Sell yourself to save your soul, you gotta, oh, oh
Sell yourself to save your soul, you gotta, oh, oh
Sell yourself to save your soul
Rescue me from the demons in my mind
Rescue me from the lovers in my life
Rescue me from the demons in my mind
Rescue me, rescue me, rescue me
Rescue me, oh, oh
Rescue me, oh, oh
Rescue me, oh, oh
Rescue me, rescue me, rescue me
The past 24 hours have been enlightening, in a few ways.
First was the initial hypnotherapy session - in this we identified that there is indeed a blockage of some sort and accessing repressed memories is a problem that we need to resolve. It remains unclear what this mental block is preventing access to.
Follow up sessions are being scheduled to see if we can focus on resolving that specific item.
A secondary session for past life regression with a different therapist is still to take place next week. I'm quite interested to hear the recording of that.
Today was the first Reiki session, which was much more informative and clarified some prior assumptions made in this thread. I was fortunate enough to have both practitioners work on me simultaneously.
The first outcome is some assurance that the hypnosis is not the cause of the blockage in the subtle body, although the two are tangentially related.
The other key point identified is that the blockage is 'in' the heart, and that and the solar plexus chakras are smooshed together, tangled or stapled to one another almost (bridged perhaps).
Couple this with a constriction of the throat chakra, which seems to be self-imposed, it's preventing the effective flow of energy through the meridians. Crown, root and stomach seem ok from a damage perspective and third eye is wide open.
During alignment, we were able to open up the throat some and allow flows to travel beyond the solar plexus, and it was clearly obvious once this occurred in the ability to feel that sensation travel through to the extremities.
From a visualization perspective, I saw two distinct visages, for want of a better word. Both appeared as slightly glowing gold faces. One was of a female, Nubian came to mind, with some aspect of Caucasian, slender, long necked and with a tall headdress. Full-ish lips. Some jewelry around the neck. Gentle, but aloof.
The other was of a male, again Nubian, but more so. Harder features, more stern in outlook, pock-marked or scarred face, full lips and perhaps bald, or short hair or a skull cap maybe.
There was recognition there, but I was unable to find 'words' to communicate effectively. It came out as a jumble.
After the session, the master asked if she may be allowed to tell me something she heard- a voice, from a spirit or some other entity. She told me, quote: "It says that you need to find a way to accept who you really are." This could be something they say to all the customers, but there was an earnest authenticity to her words. Perhaps that she simply believed herself enough to make it sound truthful. She also picked up that there is 'something unresolved' within me.
I had not prompted them with any prior info. This is the first time the master and I had met. I've been very careful to not try and influence results throughout this process, having to check my ego a few times as she worked on the alignment.
Blood taken today with first results from the panels expected as early as tomorrow.
It was moderately successful, I think. More from the standpoint of identifying that there is a hypnosis in place. Confirmed that much and that the block is sitting right in front of a lot, like a rock in a stream, which is funny, since that's the visualization I use to help me fall a sleep sometimes.
Did I go fully under? I didn't think so till he told me it had been 20 minutes and it only felt like 5. Am I sold? Not sure yet. I had trouble visualizing and going after what I wanted- this block kept jumping in front, changing the image like a piece of paper being burned from the center.
The follow up should be more interesting. We didn't try to hone in on specific items- just a general feeling, but we're going take a shot at deep diving into that 'rock' next session later this week.
Do I feel any different? Maybe. I seem more calm for sure.
I also have a past life regression set up with one of his associates next week. Now that, I am looking forward to. I should be allowed to record it.
What makes a being strong is self-truth and knowing, acceptance of our total selves. When we can be honest about who we truly are and not constantly deceiving ourselves (and others) with these cloaks and mirrors, we can form stronger relationships, which in turn bolster us in the difficult times. A strength in unity.
When we know our own truths, we are truly us and our souls are untouchable. There are no hooks for the malevolent, no cracks into which the weeds can grow. While we may be attacked, shunned, shamed even, for being who we are, it can't hurt us in the long run if we hold on to that core being. A strength of freedom.
And what rewards will come to those who can open up, and fully be themselves when they're among those that will lift them up? Joy, comfort, relaxation, companionship, confidence, assurance and individual strength.
It takes a lot to expose oneself in a way that leaves openings that can be exploited, and harm can be done, but that's part of the price to be paid in order to succeed in the longer run, the larger game, the one we play in between.
Today has been a good day. One of the best so far.
Waking up in a positive mood, if not exactly feeling skippy and dancing around the house, but still, on the upside.
I'd been mulling making this call for over a week. It seemed like a risk to me at first, because I had built it up in my head a bit. I needn't have worried and I should have take the offer earlier, but no harm done. We hadn't spoken in 19 years, but we were able to jump right in like it was yesterday. And there were not a few shed tears, mostly on my end when we talked about our mutual friend and what she would have, is, thinking about that call.
I think many of us here are getting to the stage where games are too much effort and we need genuine, authentic relationships that we can foster with the kind of love and respect that they deserve. It's not good to move into later years and let those valuable people fall away. If I'm going to connect with someone new, or reconnect with someone old, I'm just going to take the hand offered and enjoy the rewards.
Sometimes, I get a bit too eager and need to be checked...
13:51 Sep 03 2024 Times Read: 719
After reading 123 pages and finding myself giving affirmatives 300+ times, identifying certain characteristics and fitting together the puzzle, it's I think natural to start asking questions.
Is is presumptive? Too premature?
Only I can know that for sure, but it's handy to have advisors who can hold up a hand, or redirect focus with some firm, but wise words.
I have three books to get through now. 50% through the first, just started the 2nd and read a sample of the 3rd. Reiki on Thursday and will be calling a hypnotist today.
From a physical standpoint, I feel significantly improved, thank you.
While I am indebted beyond measure, I don't feel as though I 'owe'. It actually feels as though I've been brought somewhat closer to the same playing field. I'm in the red zone and there's just a few more yards to go.
I first heard about the Hedgehog's Dilemma when watching the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion back in the nineties.
I was a young man, estranged from family and trying to strike out into the world on my own. The show itself has monsters and giant mech suits, sure, but it also has deep multi-layered themes in there. One of those deals with loneliness and the inability to come close to others who are in the same place of having had their trust broken too many times, so that their default stance in any relationship is defensive. The lead character has issues with his father, so I resonated with him on many levels.
Without spoilers, what tends to happen to this boy is that his frustration builds to a point of uncontrolled rage, which then turns to guilt and remorse for his actions after the fact. I barely knew my father growing up, and I put him on this pedastal that was easier than dealing with the reality that he actually abandoned me for his military career. As an adult, I came to forgive him for that and about 10 years ago, we met for the first time since I was 12. About a 26 year gap. We'd spoken once on the phone a week after 9/11, but my last words to him were: "well, goodbye then." I regretted saying that immediately.
After we met at my cousin's wedding, we didn't talk too deeply, but something I think I needed was to forgive him. But I didn't say it, and I regret that now too. But what I did feel, was that he was proud of the man I'd become. This being after my mis-spent youth of drugs, raving and other nonsense. Now I'm trying to find him again and I don't want to waste that opportunity for a third time.
At the risk of ruining what little remains of my reputation as the big bad STABB(y), even though most don't even know me, I have to keep the faith and journal my journey authentically.
I reached out to an old friend today that has always matched, and often surpassed me, both intellectually and in wisdom and found that they're even wiser and smarter now, and I'm never going to catch up with them. lol You old dog, you gut punched me out the gate. Perhaps it's because I'm in a somewhat fragile state already to some extent, but like an old Jedi master, they know just what to say to help a padawan navigate the darker waters.
Turns out that the career they're in now is almost providential to my current frame of mind. I'm looking forward to getting together and talking about the things that nobody likes to talk about, except us. Because that's who we are and for some reason, it's a topical theme in both our lives.
If there's someone that represents a father figure, or an authority that's trusted, it's probably good to find the opportunity to discuss those deep subjects that you just can't with anyone else, either because of their limitations of belief, or because there's a danger that it could irrevocably change the nature of a relationship, which isn't always bad- it should just be done with caution.
If we never pay attention to our heaviest thoughts and we bury them deep, they will, from personal experience, rise up like mutated zombies that want to eat our brain. If there's a weight that seems immovable- it's best to not try and lift it ourselves. Let's ask someone that has the strength and the tools to help.
Part of the process of 'knowing your own truth' is to reflect on childhood, to look at who we were and what held interest for us as kids. In communities like this, where the majority of congregants were not your typical child, or teen at least, we see a lot of outcasts, fringe players in society who were well outside the norm. Often with esoteric interests at a young age, we were regarded as weirdos, treated with outright hostility and even physical violence in many, many cases.
And what does that mean as we try to move forward? All too often we get stuck in the mud a bit with unresolved traumas. I'm going to try and unpick mine. Carefully, but nevertheless, it has to be done. At some point, we'll get to the big one. Hopefully, it's a nothing burger and I can move on quickly. It also tangentially brought me to consider past life regression therapy and how trauma can affect that and be affected by it. I'm far from educated on it, but the next part of the book should offer a flashlight into that dark corridor.
I'm a city boy, growing up in places like Glasgow, Nottingham, Bristol and a host of small-ish towns not worth mentioning. But now I'm out in the country, I've come to appreciate the quiet and the surrounding nature. I'm a hunter now and get to pick deer from my back yard if I want, but what's extraordinary is how I've shifted my perspective on some key aspects of American culture that I was once diametrically opposed to. Since living here and experiencing it first hand, I can see how it evolved this way, and how Europeans especially can get the wrong impression so easily. But what's brought this thought on is that if I can go from a total misunderstanding of something, to a cherished love and acceptance of it, then the same can be done again. It just takes incremental progress to get there, and one day, I will.
Lyrics
Just a small town girl
Livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train going anywhere
Just a city boy
Born and raised in South Detroit
He took the midnight train going anywhere
A singer in a smokey room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on
Strangers waitin'
Up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searchin' in the night
Streetlights, people
Livin' just to find emotion
Hidin' somewhere in the night
Workin' hard to get my fill
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice
Just one more time
Some'll win, some will lose
Some are born to sing the blues
Whoa, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on
Strangers waitin'
Up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searchin' in the night
Streetlights, people
Livin' just to find emotion
Hidin', somewhere in the night
Don't stop believin'
Hold on to that feelin'
Streetlights, people
Don't stop believin'
Hold on
Streetlights, people
Don't stop believin'
Hold on to that feelin'
Streetlights, people
"We are aware of energy at a profound level. We are able to touch
others beyond the flesh to the very essence of their souls. And we are
able to take away what has grown stagnant or blocked, utilize this for
ourselves, and through removing, renew.
This is not vampirism in the sense of taking and giving nothing
back in return. This is a vital and transformative exchange that enriches
both participants through an intense alchemy of soul."
I knew this before I ever read this. Vampire seemed such a silly term- It's way beyond that. Vampiric in nature to some extent in terms of the way in which essential life force, or 'prana' can get brought out of another and into one's self to use for one's own purpose. Subsequently, I think I can be refined and shaped, re-purposed. Sent back out even. And here's where I think it gets wild- if two engage in this with one another, the energy can be passed between each, constantly 'upcycling' the 'quality' of said flow until it reaches an exquisite state. Almost tantric. I don't have better words. English, language itself, is so bloody limiting.
It's more than sexual desire, more even that just an emotional connection. It's a fundamental joining at the base fabric of the universe and I think people, us as beings of energy, have had prior connections to the same life forces and are drawn to them over and over through what we'd consider the linear concept of 'time'.
I'm rambling a bit here, but there's a glimpse of it I'm seeing now. It's hard to define and I don't really want to for fear of misunderstanding it. More than love. More than carnal desires. It's. It's impossible to know it intellectually I think. Or I'm just not smart enough, or educated enough on it.
This review is anecdotal to my own experiences and yours may differ.
Today, as part of the process of discovery and/or elimination of possible causes and treatment options, I attended a 'wellness' center that employs the use of the 'Energy Enhancement System'.
The center also has two 'certified' Reiki masters, one of whom is newly certified and another who has been practicing for 20 years or so. I'm willing to entertain the process, as it would be hypocritical of me to discount non-western practices out of hand.
Their advertised Reiki approach is purportedly under the philosophies of the Usui Mikao school of thought, which lends some assurance as to their motives. However, I'm not convinced about their use of these machines to help people feel 'energized'. The problem I have here is that it just made me feel like I was under pressure all over my body from every direction at once- being squeezed inwardly, or like I was wrapped in a slightly heavy blanket.
Sure, I could 'feel' the sensation. After all, there's a ton of electromagnetic energy being given off by the 16 screens (4 at each corner of the room), along with unseen 'lazors'. With some delta waves being broadcast, the whole thing was a bit of an assault, tbh.
I tried to open myself up and sort of ingest it. That just made my sinus hurt more. I tried to envision it flowing in through my hands, but no dice. The tinny taste it left in my mouth was quite unpleasant and it reminded me of a dumb thing I did when I was about 28- I tried to pull in some flow from a running diesel engine. Don't ever do that, btw. This was like a diet version of that. Icky and left me slightly dazed.
So did I feel any pain relief? Not as such. Some of the sore spots in my back were marginally better, to be fair, but I had just spent an hour in a gravity chair. Other pains- no. Did I feel 'energized' as advertised? Not on the whole, but I was craving some high-quality protein, so we hit up a sushi place and I munched down a fair bit. More food than I've eaten in the past week added together, so maybe it had some effect on me. I still have the same persistent headache though.
Now I don't think that this is their whole business model and I have an appointment with the Reiki Master on Thursday, so we'll see what she has to say about my state. The apprentice was desperate to get her hands on my wrists and she finally did on the way out the door. That's a bit odd, since it's something my Chinese acupuncturist would do before prescribing me the nastiest tasting tea imaginable. I mean like literally taken from the forest floor type of ingredients. But the point is, I'm not sure why a Reiki practitioner would want to do that. Could just be as innocent as incorporating a plethora of Eastern concepts into an alternative system in order to improve diagnostic and care practices.
My wife did buy a pre-charged cat's eye pendant for me. I guess that can't hurt either. Could actually be helpful since I realize that I've been going about certain things incorrectly and it might be a good stop-gap. Never put much stock in crystals and stones, but wtf do I know about it? Exactly- it's worth a shot.
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