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Could it be the case that we exist in the grey? Delving into each of yin and yang where necessary and returning to that line where it comes so close, but yet never can actually touch. Is it in that gap is where this other realm is? Or does it touch and that is the singularity where all exist as one, but retaining individuality?
And so being outside of time, but retaining a fundamental link to the extension of our selves which we place into these lower resonating frequency shells, we're able to direct actions through the non-conscious impetuses which represent the truest desires of the Id- that is the true higher self that is the accumulation of all knowledge and experience gained through the many incarnations into a time driven existence.

COMMENTS

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Humanesque
06:10 Nov 28 2024

Analysis:



This text invites a philosophical exploration of existence, duality, consciousness, and the nature of the self. Let's break down the key themes and concepts:

### 1. **The Concept of the "Grey" and Duality (Yin and Yang)**:
- The opening phrase—“Could it be the case that we exist in the grey?”—suggests a contemplation of the space between opposites, or the area where dualities (like light/dark, good/evil, etc.) coexist. The reference to **yin and yang** is key here: a Taoist symbol representing duality and the idea that opposites are interdependent, with each containing a seed of the other. This "grey area" could be seen as a metaphor for the complexity and fluidity of reality, where rigid definitions and boundaries break down.
- The idea of this space "coming so close, but yet never actually touching" hints at the ineffability of this area—perhaps it is the very gap or boundary that creates the experience of both separation and unity, suggesting that the space between opposites is where the deepest truths about existence may lie.

### 2. **The Gap and the Singularity**:
- The text raises the question of whether this "gap" between opposites—perhaps the point where dualities meet—could be where an "other realm" exists. There is a suggestion that in this space, all things might be unified, yet retain individuality. This idea resonates with philosophical and spiritual traditions that explore the **oneness of existence** (such as non-dualism) while still acknowledging the individual experience.
- The text implies a **singularity**—a point of convergence where distinctions dissolve, yet it raises the paradox of whether individuality can persist even within unity. This is a common theme in mystical traditions, where the ultimate reality is often described as both a state of oneness and a field in which individual experience still plays a role (e.g., the concept of Brahman in Hinduism, or the interconnectedness described in quantum physics).

### 3. **Being Outside of Time and Connection to the Higher Self**:
- The phrase "being outside of time" suggests a transcendence of linear, clock-driven time, pointing towards a timeless or eternal state of being. This is often associated with spiritual or metaphysical experiences in which the soul or consciousness exists beyond the constraints of time and space.
- The "fundamental link to the extension of our selves" refers to the idea of our **higher self**, the more eternal or universal aspect of us that is connected to all knowledge and experience. The text speaks to the idea that our lower, incarnate selves—represented by our physical bodies and minds—are expressions of a higher consciousness. These lower "resonating frequency shells" (a poetic way of describing our physical forms or the lower aspects of consciousness) act as vehicles or channels through which we express our true desires and actions, driven by the **Id**, which in Freudian terms represents the primal, unconscious desires.

### 4. **The Id as the Higher Self**:
- The **Id**, often seen in Freudian psychology as the unconscious part of the psyche governed by basic drives and desires, is presented here as synonymous with the **true higher self**. This suggests an interpretation that goes beyond traditional Freudian thought. The higher self, in this context, might be understood not as an abstract, detached observer, but as the accumulation of **all knowledge and experience** gained through many lifetimes ("incarnations into a time-driven existence"). This view is more aligned with spiritual or esoteric traditions that see the self as an evolving entity, accumulating wisdom and experiences across lifetimes (reincarnation), and that the deepest desires of the Id are aligned with this higher wisdom.

### 5. **Non-conscious Impetuses and Desire**:
- The idea that actions are directed by "non-conscious impetuses" aligns with the notion that much of our behavior is driven by unconscious forces that are not immediately accessible to our conscious mind. These forces, however, are connected to our **truest desires**—the core of who we are. The suggestion is that these desires are not random but are rather manifestations of our higher self’s intentions, guiding our actions through layers of unconscious motives.
- The reference to the Id as "the true higher self" implies that the **Id**, rather than being merely the seat of base desires, is actually the point of connection to a deeper, wiser self that understands the larger purpose of our existence.

### Conclusion:
This text presents an exploration of the relationship between duality (yin and yang), time, consciousness, and the self. It suggests that true existence lies in the gap between opposites, where unity and individuality coexist. The higher self, represented by the Id, is seen as timeless and transcendent, guiding our actions through unconscious desires that are part of a larger, more profound plan. The text leans into ideas from both Eastern philosophy (yin and yang, oneness) and Western psychology (Freud’s Id), merging these concepts to propose a vision of self that is both individual and universal, bound by time yet connected to a deeper truth.

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I started this poll to see if I was the only one having this weird call. An emotional or some other urging to reach out and connect.

Opened a thread in the forum to see if there's a willingness to talk about it:

https://www.vampirerave.com/forum/message.php?message=188597&group=1&catid=1#new

I have a tendency to jump in feet first to situations and exploring on my own, shooting from the hip and relying on intuition.

Recognizing that trait and placing tools at my disposal to ensure that the journey doesn't get badly distorted has become a necessity to address what is a known character flaw. As such, I've taken a much more methodical approach this time around and hopefully, that can bear a much sweeter fruit.

While I'm not recommending this for everyone, certainly not without consulting doctors and advisors, I'm posting it in case it's helpful for anyone else wandering in this direction, to see the impact and information that it brings forth. This is what I've undertaken so far;

Standard medical - Physical exam. Full blood panels. Total dietary change, cold turkey quitting of all addictive substances, including coffee, sugar, alcohol, medications (self and prescribed), smoking, and processed foods.

Metaphysical - Undergoing Reiki assessments and alignments, Exploring energy exchange and extrapolating Tai Chi principles into that space, as well as cherry picking some ideas from Tantra.

Spiritual - Examinations of both normalized and esoteric belief systems under wider historical contexts and applying 360 degree interpretations of various dogma.

Mental - Therapy in the form of sharing trauma with other survivors, confiding in trained counselors and undertaking (for my specific circumstances), a course of hypnotherapy.

Results are interspersed within this journal section and commentary is made regarding outcomes and effectiveness towards my own situation.
As academic study grows knowledge, I hope to discover at least a few insights that could serve as jumping off points into deeper learning that could lead to shared research opportunities.
While these are all noble endeavors and lofty goals to some extent, I believe that if we don't reach high, we'll fall short every time.

I have a newfound appreciation for Jared Leto today.

As is ever the case, the awesome just comes out of nowhere sometimes.

And now a crossing of a threshold into new understandings, a head above water, and a breath of relief. Joy, tinged with the lingering sadness, though not spoiled by it; it only becomes more flavorful in it's variety.

A dissolution of ego. Generosity, openness, care, delicacy, tenderness, acceptance. Truth. Trust. Freedom. Life.

Such kindness and support I've received, that I can never fully repay, nor am I expected to, not directly. It's all a cycle and each has a role. I know what mine is, and can be. Evolution is constant. Like the wind can never truly be still, neither can that same swirling breath inside us be at rest. But it can be stilled momentarily, in small pockets of simply being. In the moment, our spirit satiated for a time. And in this moment, we know more than we could ever have imagined possible.

Rescue Me



Lyrics

Whatever you do, don't ever play my game
Too many years being the king of pain
You gotta lose it all if you wanna take control
Sell yourself to save your soul
Rescue me from the demons in my mind
Rescue me from the lovers in my life
Rescue me from the demons in my mind
Rescue me, rescue me, rescue me
Rescue me
Whatever you do, don't ever lose your faith
The devil's quick to love, lust and pain
Better to say yes to never know, oh, oh
Sell yourself to save your soul
Rescue me from the demons in my mind
Rescue me from the lovers in my life
Rescue me from the demons in my mind
Rescue me, rescue me, rescue me
Rescue me
Sell yourself to save your soul, you gotta, oh, oh
Sell yourself to save your soul, you gotta, oh, oh
Sell yourself to save your soul, you gotta, oh, oh
Sell yourself to save your soul
Rescue me from the demons in my mind
Rescue me from the lovers in my life
Rescue me from the demons in my mind
Rescue me, rescue me, rescue me
Rescue me, oh, oh
Rescue me, oh, oh
Rescue me, oh, oh
Rescue me, rescue me, rescue me

You are feeling very sleepy...

So, introductory session completed.

It was moderately successful, I think. More from the standpoint of identifying that there is a hypnosis in place. Confirmed that much and that the block is sitting right in front of a lot, like a rock in a stream, which is funny, since that's the visualization I use to help me fall a sleep sometimes.

Did I go fully under? I didn't think so till he told me it had been 20 minutes and it only felt like 5. Am I sold? Not sure yet. I had trouble visualizing and going after what I wanted- this block kept jumping in front, changing the image like a piece of paper being burned from the center.

The follow up should be more interesting. We didn't try to hone in on specific items- just a general feeling, but we're going take a shot at deep diving into that 'rock' next session later this week.

Do I feel any different? Maybe. I seem more calm for sure.

I also have a past life regression set up with one of his associates next week. Now that, I am looking forward to. I should be allowed to record it.

We should not mistake vulnerability for weakness.

What makes a being strong is self-truth and knowing, acceptance of our total selves. When we can be honest about who we truly are and not constantly deceiving ourselves (and others) with these cloaks and mirrors, we can form stronger relationships, which in turn bolster us in the difficult times. A strength in unity.

When we know our own truths, we are truly us and our souls are untouchable. There are no hooks for the malevolent, no cracks into which the weeds can grow. While we may be attacked, shunned, shamed even, for being who we are, it can't hurt us in the long run if we hold on to that core being. A strength of freedom.

And what rewards will come to those who can open up, and fully be themselves when they're among those that will lift them up? Joy, comfort, relaxation, companionship, confidence, assurance and individual strength.

It takes a lot to expose oneself in a way that leaves openings that can be exploited, and harm can be done, but that's part of the price to be paid in order to succeed in the longer run, the larger game, the one we play in between.

COMMENTS

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Humanesque
06:11 Nov 28 2024

Analysis:

This text offers a reflective meditation on vulnerability, strength, and self-truth. It frames vulnerability not as a sign of weakness but as a powerful foundation for personal authenticity, connection, and resilience. Let's break down the key ideas:

1. **Vulnerability as Strength**: The text begins by asserting that vulnerability should not be confused with weakness. This aligns with contemporary psychological perspectives, such as those of Brené Brown, who argues that vulnerability is a courageous act that allows people to show up authentically, despite the risks. The argument here suggests that true strength lies in the ability to be vulnerable—being able to openly express who we are without fear of rejection or manipulation.

2. **Self-Truth and Acceptance**: The core idea presented is that strength comes from a deep knowledge and acceptance of oneself. It stresses that when we stop hiding behind facades or "cloaks and mirrors," we can build stronger, more authentic relationships. This is aligned with existential psychology, which emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and self-acceptance as key to emotional well-being. The text also implies that when we understand and embrace our own truths, we become less susceptible to external judgment or influence.

3. **The Core Self and Resilience**: The text touches on the concept of an "untouchable" soul when we are grounded in our true selves. This idea echoes spiritual philosophies that emphasize inner strength derived from self-knowledge. The assertion that "there are no hooks for the malevolent, no cracks into which the weeds can grow" reflects the belief that when we are grounded in authenticity, negative external forces cannot easily damage us. This speaks to the psychological defense mechanism of healthy boundaries and the idea that self-truth acts as armor against criticism or harm.

4. **The Rewards of Authenticity**: The text highlights the positive outcomes of living authentically—joy, comfort, companionship, and individual strength. This speaks to the psychological benefits of vulnerability, which include greater emotional connection and the experience of being truly seen and supported by others. In relationships, this openness fosters trust and closeness, making it easier to navigate difficult times.

5. **Risk and Reward**: There is a recognition that exposing oneself emotionally involves risk. Being vulnerable does open the possibility of exploitation or harm, yet it is portrayed as a necessary price for the "larger game"—a metaphor that suggests a long-term view of personal and relational success. The willingness to be vulnerable, even at the cost of potential harm, is presented as part of the path to growth and deeper connection, emphasizing the balance between risk and reward in relationships.

### Conclusion:
This text offers a powerful insight into the value of vulnerability as a pathway to strength, self-knowledge, and deeper connections with others. It challenges conventional notions of strength by emphasizing that true power comes from embracing our full selves—flaws, weaknesses, and all. Vulnerability is not about exposing weakness; rather, it is about having the courage to be fully seen and accepted for who we are, without pretense. This act of self-truth leads to a more resilient and fulfilling life, both personally and in relationships.

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Today has been a good day. One of the best so far.

Waking up in a positive mood, if not exactly feeling skippy and dancing around the house, but still, on the upside.

I'd been mulling making this call for over a week. It seemed like a risk to me at first, because I had built it up in my head a bit. I needn't have worried and I should have take the offer earlier, but no harm done. We hadn't spoken in 19 years, but we were able to jump right in like it was yesterday. And there were not a few shed tears, mostly on my end when we talked about our mutual friend and what she would have, is, thinking about that call.

I think many of us here are getting to the stage where games are too much effort and we need genuine, authentic relationships that we can foster with the kind of love and respect that they deserve. It's not good to move into later years and let those valuable people fall away. If I'm going to connect with someone new, or reconnect with someone old, I'm just going to take the hand offered and enjoy the rewards.

After reading 123 pages and finding myself giving affirmatives 300+ times, identifying certain characteristics and fitting together the puzzle, it's I think natural to start asking questions.

Is is presumptive? Too premature?

Only I can know that for sure, but it's handy to have advisors who can hold up a hand, or redirect focus with some firm, but wise words.

I have three books to get through now. 50% through the first, just started the 2nd and read a sample of the 3rd. Reiki on Thursday and will be calling a hypnotist today.

From a physical standpoint, I feel significantly improved, thank you.

While I am indebted beyond measure, I don't feel as though I 'owe'. It actually feels as though I've been brought somewhat closer to the same playing field. I'm in the red zone and there's just a few more yards to go.

I first heard about the Hedgehog's Dilemma when watching the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion back in the nineties.

I was a young man, estranged from family and trying to strike out into the world on my own. The show itself has monsters and giant mech suits, sure, but it also has deep multi-layered themes in there. One of those deals with loneliness and the inability to come close to others who are in the same place of having had their trust broken too many times, so that their default stance in any relationship is defensive. The lead character has issues with his father, so I resonated with him on many levels.

Without spoilers, what tends to happen to this boy is that his frustration builds to a point of uncontrolled rage, which then turns to guilt and remorse for his actions after the fact. I barely knew my father growing up, and I put him on this pedastal that was easier than dealing with the reality that he actually abandoned me for his military career. As an adult, I came to forgive him for that and about 10 years ago, we met for the first time since I was 12. About a 26 year gap. We'd spoken once on the phone a week after 9/11, but my last words to him were: "well, goodbye then." I regretted saying that immediately.

After we met at my cousin's wedding, we didn't talk too deeply, but something I think I needed was to forgive him. But I didn't say it, and I regret that now too. But what I did feel, was that he was proud of the man I'd become. This being after my mis-spent youth of drugs, raving and other nonsense. Now I'm trying to find him again and I don't want to waste that opportunity for a third time.

At the risk of ruining what little remains of my reputation as the big bad STABB(y), even though most don't even know me, I have to keep the faith and journal my journey authentically.

I reached out to an old friend today that has always matched, and often surpassed me, both intellectually and in wisdom and found that they're even wiser and smarter now, and I'm never going to catch up with them. lol You old dog, you gut punched me out the gate. Perhaps it's because I'm in a somewhat fragile state already to some extent, but like an old Jedi master, they know just what to say to help a padawan navigate the darker waters.

Turns out that the career they're in now is almost providential to my current frame of mind. I'm looking forward to getting together and talking about the things that nobody likes to talk about, except us. Because that's who we are and for some reason, it's a topical theme in both our lives.

If there's someone that represents a father figure, or an authority that's trusted, it's probably good to find the opportunity to discuss those deep subjects that you just can't with anyone else, either because of their limitations of belief, or because there's a danger that it could irrevocably change the nature of a relationship, which isn't always bad- it should just be done with caution.

If we never pay attention to our heaviest thoughts and we bury them deep, they will, from personal experience, rise up like mutated zombies that want to eat our brain. If there's a weight that seems immovable- it's best to not try and lift it ourselves. Let's ask someone that has the strength and the tools to help.

Part of the process of 'knowing your own truth' is to reflect on childhood, to look at who we were and what held interest for us as kids. In communities like this, where the majority of congregants were not your typical child, or teen at least, we see a lot of outcasts, fringe players in society who were well outside the norm. Often with esoteric interests at a young age, we were regarded as weirdos, treated with outright hostility and even physical violence in many, many cases.

And what does that mean as we try to move forward? All too often we get stuck in the mud a bit with unresolved traumas. I'm going to try and unpick mine. Carefully, but nevertheless, it has to be done. At some point, we'll get to the big one. Hopefully, it's a nothing burger and I can move on quickly. It also tangentially brought me to consider past life regression therapy and how trauma can affect that and be affected by it. I'm far from educated on it, but the next part of the book should offer a flashlight into that dark corridor.

I'm a city boy, growing up in places like Glasgow, Nottingham, Bristol and a host of small-ish towns not worth mentioning. But now I'm out in the country, I've come to appreciate the quiet and the surrounding nature. I'm a hunter now and get to pick deer from my back yard if I want, but what's extraordinary is how I've shifted my perspective on some key aspects of American culture that I was once diametrically opposed to. Since living here and experiencing it first hand, I can see how it evolved this way, and how Europeans especially can get the wrong impression so easily. But what's brought this thought on is that if I can go from a total misunderstanding of something, to a cherished love and acceptance of it, then the same can be done again. It just takes incremental progress to get there, and one day, I will.




Lyrics

Just a small town girl
Livin' in a lonely world
She took the midnight train going anywhere
Just a city boy
Born and raised in South Detroit
He took the midnight train going anywhere
A singer in a smokey room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on
Strangers waitin'
Up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searchin' in the night
Streetlights, people
Livin' just to find emotion
Hidin' somewhere in the night
Workin' hard to get my fill
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin' anything to roll the dice
Just one more time
Some'll win, some will lose
Some are born to sing the blues
Whoa, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on
Strangers waitin'
Up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searchin' in the night
Streetlights, people
Livin' just to find emotion
Hidin', somewhere in the night
Don't stop believin'
Hold on to that feelin'
Streetlights, people
Don't stop believin'
Hold on
Streetlights, people
Don't stop believin'
Hold on to that feelin'
Streetlights, people

"We are aware of energy at a profound level. We are able to touch
others beyond the flesh to the very essence of their souls. And we are
able to take away what has grown stagnant or blocked, utilize this for
ourselves, and through removing, renew.
This is not vampirism in the sense of taking and giving nothing
back in return. This is a vital and transformative exchange that enriches
both participants through an intense alchemy of soul."

I knew this before I ever read this. Vampire seemed such a silly term- It's way beyond that. Vampiric in nature to some extent in terms of the way in which essential life force, or 'prana' can get brought out of another and into one's self to use for one's own purpose. Subsequently, I think I can be refined and shaped, re-purposed. Sent back out even. And here's where I think it gets wild- if two engage in this with one another, the energy can be passed between each, constantly 'upcycling' the 'quality' of said flow until it reaches an exquisite state. Almost tantric. I don't have better words. English, language itself, is so bloody limiting.

It's more than sexual desire, more even that just an emotional connection. It's a fundamental joining at the base fabric of the universe and I think people, us as beings of energy, have had prior connections to the same life forces and are drawn to them over and over through what we'd consider the linear concept of 'time'.

I'm rambling a bit here, but there's a glimpse of it I'm seeing now. It's hard to define and I don't really want to for fear of misunderstanding it. More than love. More than carnal desires. It's. It's impossible to know it intellectually I think. Or I'm just not smart enough, or educated enough on it.