atyourwindow
10:21:07
Sep 30 2007
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hey chuckle head i posted scarletts birthday thread first and also i asked wildchild about it before i did it so .....watch what you say in the posts if you dont have the facts.
Ah, the wonderful attitudes we receive here on VR.
I (very politely), closed a thread of his which was a duplicate.
Nice to wake up to that on a Sunday morning.
Thank you very much, I appreciate such positive feedback for donating my time, for free, to this website.
Lost in time I can't count the words,
I said when I thought they went unheard,
All of those harsh thoughts so unkind,
'cos I wanted you.
And now I sit here I'm all alone,
So here sits a bloody mess, tears fly home,
A circle of angels, deep in war,
'cos I wanted you.
Weak as I am, no tears for you.
Weak as I am, no tears for you.
Deep as I am, I'm no-ones fool.
Weak as I am.
So what am I now- I'm love last home,
I'm all of the soft words I once owned,
If I opened my heart, there'd be no space for air,
'cos I wanted you.
Weak as I am, no tears for you.
Weak as I am, no tears for you.
Deep as I am, I'm no-ones fool.
Weak as I am.
In this tainted soul,
In this weak young heart,
Am I too much for you?
In this tainted soul,
In this weak young heart,
Am I too much for you?
In this tainted soul,
In this weak young heart,
Am I too much for you?
Weak as I am.
Weak as I am.
Weak as I am.
Weak as I am, am, am...
Weak as I am,
Am I to much for you?
Weak as I am,
Am I to much for you?
Weak as I am,
Am I to much for you?
Weak as I am,
Am I to much for you?
Weak as I am...
As per instructions from Cancer, I deny polls based on poor spelling and grammar and irrelevance.
I am sick and tired of people approving poorly constructed polls, which I end up going back through and editing or deleting.
No-one has any idea of the number of crappy polls that are submitted and denied. Some people think that they are being victimised, when really, they aren't meeting the basic requirements for the polls sections (such as including a question mark on a question), despite being instructed numerous times.
Fuckwits.
................. .................. ................... ................. ............... .................
So, my birthday came and went without word. 8 days now. Left waiting, left wondering.
Thanks, I need that like I need a hole in my heart.
So...I got the job.
Nice gift for registering another year in this hell I call my life.
I've had some very kind wishes today.
My mother bought me a new cellphone and a nice bottle of red.
But the one which I long for hasn't arrived yet.
Who would have thought that one little poll would generate so many questions and accusations.
I didn't leave any out, I didn't make any mistakes. Rh negative is not a blood type, it is a factor of one's blood. O+ and O- are not considered the same because O is so rare and, I am not planning on feeding on anyone.
I am however, conducting a piece of research.
*sigh*
So, having run out of DVD's to watch that I haven't seen a hundred times before, I downloaded and watched the entire Evangelion series.
Spent two days watching it, on and off, only to not be as impressed by it as before. I don't remember it being this boring, but then, I was a lot younger when I saw it last.
This time around, I understood what was going on a lot more. Caught the bits between the lines, like the TV news reports in the background about negative human birthrates, for example.
And the whole conspiracy within a conspiracy didn't seem as complicated either.
When it comes down to it, there is some truth to the conclusion that inside every person, there is an empty place, which creates lonliness and which causes us to seek out the companionship of others, to be loved, to feel valued, needed.
Turns out that I have B- blood type. It's the reason why I have no brothers or sisters.
I've now registered to donate blood.
Bottom up...
Ok Stabb666 I dont do nothing with the devil and shit. But if there is one more thing done to my friends then ill let my powers out and it want be happy at all.
On 19:53:43 Sep 17 2007 STABB666 wrote:
Go away until you learn to speak to me with some respect.
On 19:50:55 Sep 17 2007 DarkWitch666 wrote:
I want Lajah and for you to stay off my friends back. Killer187 ring a bell?
On 19:48:07 Sep 17 2007 STABB666 wrote:
What I do with my Coven is my business. What is it that you want, exactly?
On 19:42:47 Sep 17 2007 DarkWitch666 wrote:
Lajah. I think if your going to keep them blinded they you just need to kick them or trade them is the way I work.
On 19:05:52 Sep 17 2007 STABB666 wrote:
Which is?
On 18:59:38 Sep 17 2007 DarkWitch666 wrote:
I just have a question about one of your members that ill like to trade for.
On 17:09:40 Sep 17 2007 STABB666 wrote:
Are you asking me if you have a question for me?
On 09:33:51 Sep 17 2007 DarkWitch666 wrote:
Hey Stab i have a question for u?
100 days. Woo.
I see double up ahead
Where the riverboat swayed beneath the sun
Is where the river runs red
Like a king who stalks the wings and shoots a dove
And frees an eagle instead
Its more or less the same as the things that you said
I see trouble up the road
Like the things you found in love are by the way
And like to cheat on your soul
Like the best and worst of thoughts that lose control
Before you lie on your bed
Its more or less the same as the things that you said
Anyway for all the things you know tell me why does the river not flow
Anyway for all the things you said tell me why does the river run red
Anyway for all the things youve seen tell me when will the river run green
And anyway for all the things you know tell me why does the river not flow
Its more or less the things you fail to say in your way thats your trouble
Like a king who stalks the wings and shoots the moon and the stars
And his double
Its more or less the same as the things that you said
I see trouble up ahead
Where the river boat swayed beneath the sun
Is where the river runs red
I see double - thats my trouble.
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
I tried to sleep, but it's impossible. I lay there in agony. I thought music would help, but it only helps the tears.
Thanks to images for causing me to watch the movie 'Black Sheep'. A comedy horror on the lines of Bad Taste and Brain Dead, set in New Zealand and all about...murderous genetically engineered sheep.
My favourite line;
"I'm not a tree, I'm a fucking sheep!"
Love is a burning thing
and it makes a firery ring
bound by wild desire
I fell in to a ring of fire...
I fell in to a burning ring of fire
I went down,down,down
and the flames went higher.
And it burns,burns,burns
the ring of fire
the ring of fire.
The taste of love is sweet
when hearts like our's meet
I fell for you like a child
oh, but the fire went wild..
I fell in to a burning ring of fire...
Now at 79kg and 6'. I've lost 5 kilos over the past month. The flab is receding around the waistline and the definition is back in my arms and shoulders.
People who have no true understanding of that which they speak, should remain silent, or risk appearing as the fool.
"One thing I always hated about VR: All the damn sociopaths."
I don't want this to be a scar. I want it to be a wound that can be healed.
I have been absent from the forum in recent weeks, it is true.
I had no internet and was trying to deal with a situation.
But now I have it back, the internet that is.
And I am not in a good mood. Now where did I leave my lightsaber...
You know what is hilariously funny to me right now?
VR's petty drama. Pure juvenile sillyness.
I sit here and read about it and I stare for a few minutes at the screen and think to myself- "Is this all that you have in your life, that the most deeply felt hurt you have, is caused by this little website?"
And then I look at where I am. The children here have no idea what real-life issues are like to deal with. They can look and see and attempt to imitate with their constructed little fantasies, but when it comes down to it, they can't possibly hope to understand the complexity of the emotions which are felt, by those who are actually living life and not just pretending for the sake of seeking attention.
I freely admit that my recent journals scream for it. I really need it right now though. I need to feel valued and be reminded that I am not a bad person. Selfish? You bet your panties it is.
Where the hell is The Sandman when I need him?
I have been awake since 9am EST Sunday. That's about 40 hours now. And I travelled for 15 of those.
I watched The Last Samurai and Black Hawk Down while trying to sleep. Bad idea. I am way too emotional for that. But never mind, it's not like it would have made any difference by not watching them.
Although I hate Tom Cruise, I really like that movie. It's all about Honour, Respect and Duty, even for one's enemy. But especially for those who are loved and valued.
I have a deep love of Japanese culture. I have lots of Kurosawa and Anime movies and a chunk of Manga comix. Evangelion was a winner for me too.
I learned a great deal about the second war and the bombing of Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Terrible things, but then it gave birth to a new cultural identity.
I am trying to write somehing on this new Japan, but find it hard to get the words out. Perhaps it's the distraction I need right now.
Anyway, I am rambling. Or waffling. No syrup though. Just plain old waffle.
Were caught in a trap
I can't walk out
Because I love you too much baby
Why can't you see
What you're doing to me
When you don't believe a word I say?
We can't go on together
With suspicious minds
And we can't build our dreams
On suspicious minds
So, if an old friend I know
Drops by to say hello
Would I still see suspicion in your eyes?
Here we go again
Asking where I've been
You can't see these tears are real
I'm crying
We can't go on together
With suspicious minds
And we can't build our dreams
On suspicious minds
Oh let our love survive
Oh dry the tears from your eyes
Lets don't let a good thing die
When honey, you know
I've never lied to you
Mmm yeah, yeah
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity . . .
Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities.
There is so much that I need to say, but no-one that I can say it all to.
I had something to write here, but instead, all I have to say is that I have done nothing wrong.
I am not to blame. I have always been who I am and loved as I always have.
Change is unavoidable, but when the truth hurts, it can be dodged by those with a conscience and the heavy burden of guilt.
............................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................. ........................................... ..
I hurt so much. I don't have the words to describe this feeling. I ache. Inside and out. I need release, but there's no-one here to help me.
I'm in turmoil inside. Like a blender churning me up from my belly to my chest. I know what would stop this, but I can't.
RaduVladismire
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Date: 09:09:17 - Aug 31 2007
Rating: 1
Comment:
Who knows why? Who cares?
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