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STABB666's Journal

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37 entries this month
 

At the end of the day, life could be worse than it is...

18:50 Oct 28 2006
Times Read: 777


"Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, youll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
Youll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
Thats the time you must keep on trying
Smile, whats the use of crying?
Youll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Thats the time you must keep on trying
Smile, whats the use of crying?
Youll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile"

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Frank

13:42 Oct 28 2006
Times Read: 784


"And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life thats full.
I've traveled each and every highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, I've had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!"

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I am an silly old fool.

13:42 Oct 28 2006
Times Read: 949


There's no room at the inn for anyone not already in, so whats the point in asking?



Sometimes, life sucks.



Perhaps it is good that I won't now be going, since it appears that I am no longer considered worthy of even a hello.



I am now certain that the happiness, comfort and joy which I have now known, far outwieghs one night in the company of strangers.



Sometimes, life is the most beautiful.



And I can be happy with my lot.


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12:41 Oct 27 2006
Times Read: 960


£385 + £30.



Leave at 6am.



Arrive at 4pm local.



Wash.



Go party.



Catch flight at 6am.



Arrive back 8am local.



Wash.



Go to work.



Somewhere in there, I could try to fit some sleep.



IF I can pull it out of the bag...



I'm sooo close. Like...my fingertips brush the edge...



*strains*



*farts*



Oops.



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01:00 Oct 27 2006
Times Read: 968


Do I smell or something?



I'm lonely and all the only message I get is about a closed thread.



Fuck me.



Yes.



Thats about the size of it in some circles. lol



But yeah, would have been nice to speak to someone.



At least I have had one smile this evening.



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Sorting life...

00:23 Oct 27 2006
Times Read: 972


So, I've had a couple of days off...



It's amazing how fast the forum threads move. Took me ages just to read one forum. Balancing life is a tricky old game.



But at least I sorted out bills, payments and work. It helps to have goals. Targets and dates. makes it easier to live really. Focus. Drive. I need more drive. anyone got a 4x4 the can lend me?



Or a plane would be better.



I'll settle for a ticket...



Some people I know are off to the Himalaya's to climb glaciers and such. Crazy moons, but they have a lovely house in a quiet area...and the spare bed, is Very comfy!



So a few good nights sleep. Nice to have quiet time, to collect ones thoughts. I miss them. I have major construction works right outside my window.



And i'm not kidding. When I say major- they're building a shopping mall, literally on my doorstep. Jackhammers, road surfacers, angle grinders. And I don't even need to be up as early as they get started.



And parking massive vehicles on my road. Huge deisel engines roaring through the building. Nice alarm clock...



At least it's better than running the gauntlet of gangs and street fights. And riots and constant sirens. And the club next door open till 5am...



And anything beats my last place really. it's a toss-up between the prostitutes and the drug-dealers.



*sigh*



I detest the city now. I need to get back out, into the fresh air and open country. Trees and wild flowers and gardens....with Koi ponds.



So much to do, so little cash...lol



I may break my oath and ask my family for some help here. Much as we don't get on, there's been a river of water under our respective bridges. Sometimes, it's good just to say hi. And remind oneself that we don't have to do it all on our own.



This is what a family is, yes? Mutual support when the need is really there. forgiveness is a much maligned trait in our society. Perhaps if we were able to reach a point of reconcilliation before it's too late, we might find ourselves being more at ease with who we are.



Holding grudges and spiting our enemies serves only to take away from the time which we spend being happy.



I look at what I have and I know that there are friends. That I find hard to trust, admittedly. But my direction took me away from many of them, not because I chose to move away from them, but because my life wasn't meant for this city, this country even.



Decisions in my mind are already made and I have no other desire but to be and achieve all that I can, be it making someone happy, or changing the world. Both have equal wieght to satisfaction of the soul.





And who knows, maybe I can get a ticket and a flight tomorrow. Stranger things have happened.



All I need, is to make it so...



*does a Jean-Luc Picard impression*



*pointy finger, but more hair.*



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02:09 Oct 23 2006
Times Read: 988


where is one's fairy godmother when she's needed?



I really, raelly wish I were going to Arizona next weekend...



Does anyone have a spare £500?



lol



I would take out a loan, but I have enough debts.



Grr.



Lambasting my utter inability to organise my finances...or catch a plane on time, I end up with a sore head and a heavy sigh.



*SIGH*





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I don't know why...

00:36 Oct 21 2006
Times Read: 1,022


but some people do accuse me of taking a very circuitous route to making my point.



It's nothing to be proud of, apparently, in using so much english to make a point understood- enequivocally, crystally, clear.



I like to say what I mean, otherwise, how can others know what it is I'm wishing to put across?



yes, I overcomplicate the issue at times, but this is where I invite conversation and contribution from others, who might be able to make the point more clear...



So, in retrospect, I can see how my ramblings get off topic and wander into tangents, but that I use an extended vocabulary in order to acheive this, is not something I should feel ashamed of, nor quit doing, since it's how I talk in normal conversation.



I am a bore to many, I'll freely admit it. I can talk shit until the cows come home, fall asleep and wake up again to provide the milk for my frosties.



But such is the way my mind works. Nothing is ever a singular stream, nor is there any well-defined plan, agenda or purpose to what I say and do. I just do it, because it was there in my head at the time...



And it's likely that fifty percent of those who read this will be bored by the time I finish typing.



Unless I stick an incredibly humourous joke in, but I'm too cheesy for any great sophistication. Though I did come out as 'the wit', which supposedly makes me darkly sharp, with intelligent undertones.



supposedly...



All I ever see whan I read my shit back, is sillyness and self-effacing BS. With the odd banal sarcasm and a bit of light relief. But, I suppose I can be satisfied that I have found what it means to be truly yummy.



In this, everyone else on the planet ought to be envious, since there seems to be so little of it around in peoples lives nowadays.



My own was an empty shell for months, until a chance meeting, a slipped word and a smile.



How the world turns on a dime sometimes...



And where it stops, only fate will tell- sadistic minded bitch that she is.


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Joli
Joli
18:43 Oct 08 2009

Imagine the kinds of things you might say if painting gloss paint on a bedroom wall.



And sometimes, she's not so sadistic after all.





 

Since I can't afford arizona...

00:21 Oct 21 2006
Times Read: 1,023


It's Samhain psychadelia at Tribe Of Frog...



Ought to be a very yummy night.



:D


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23:37 Oct 18 2006
Times Read: 939




THE CHALLENGER

Enneagram Type Eight



Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



The Powerful, Dominating Type:

Self-Confident, Decisive, Willful, and Confrontational

Basic Fear: Of being harmed or controlled by others

Basic Desire: To protect themselves (to be in control of their own life and destiny)

Enneagram Eight with a Seven-Wing: "The Maverick"

Enneagram Eight with a Nine-Wing: "The Bear"





Profile Summary for Enneagram Type Eight

Healthy Levels

Level 1 (At Their Best): Become self-restrained and magnanimous, merciful and forbearing, mastering self through their self-surrender to a higher authority. Courageous, willing to put self in serious jeopardy to achieve their vision and have a lasting influence. May achieve true heroism and historical greatness.



Level 2: Self-assertive, self-confident, and strong: have learned to stand up for what they need and want. A resourceful, "can do" attitude and passionate inner drive.



Level 3: Decisive, authoritative, and commanding: the natural leader others look up to. Take initiative, make things happen: champion people, provider, protective, and honorable, carrying others with their strength.



Average Levels

Level 4: Self-sufficiency, financial independence, and having enough resources are important concerns: become enterprising, pragmatic, "rugged individualists," wheeler-dealers. Risk-taking, hardworking, denying own emotional needs.



Level 5: Begin to dominate their environment, including others: want to feel that others are behind them, supporting their efforts. Swaggering, boastful, forceful, and expansive: the "boss" whose word is law. Proud, egocentric, want to impose their will and vision on everything, not seeing others as equals or treating them with respect.



Level 6: Become highly combative and intimidating to get their way: confrontational, belligerent, creating adversarial relationships. Everything a test of wills, and they will not back down. Use threats and reprisals to get obedience from others, to keep others off balance and insecure. However, unjust treatment makes others fear and resent them, possibly also band together against them.



Unhealthy Levels

Level 7: Defying any attempt to control them, become completely ruthless, dictatorial, "might makes right." The criminal and outlaw, renegade, and con-artist. Hard-hearted, immoral and potentially violent.



Level 8: Develop delusional ideas about their power, invincibility, and ability to prevail: megalomania, feeling omnipotent, invulnerable. Recklessly over-extending self.



Level 9: If they get in danger, they may brutally destroy everything that has not conformed to their will rather than surrender to anyone else. Vengeful, barbaric, murderous. Sociopathic tendencies. Generally corresponds to the Antisocial Personality Disorder.



Key Motivations: Want to be self-reliant, to prove their strength and resist weakness, to be important in their world, to dominate the environment, and to stay in control of their situation.



Examples: Martin Luther King, Jr., Franklin Roosevelt, Lyndon Johnson, Mikhail Gorbachev, G.I. Gurdjieff, Pablo Picasso, Richard Wagner, Sean Connery, Susan Sarandon, Glenn Close, John Wayne, Charlton Heston, Norman Mailer, Mike Wallace, Barbara Walters, Ann Richards, Toni Morrison, Lee Iococca, Donald Trump, Frank Sinatra, Bette Davis, Roseanne Barr, James Brown, Chrissie Hynde, Courtney Love, Leona Helmsley, Sigourney Weaver, Fidel Castro, and Saddham Hussein.



The Meaning of the Arrows

When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress), self-confident Eights suddenly become secretive and fearful at Five. However, when moving in their Direction of Integration (growth), lustful, controlling Eights become more open-hearted and caring, like healthy Twos.



Sample (non-scientific) enneagram.

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02:23 Oct 16 2006
Times Read: 1,085


I'm 76% of the way through downloading the demo of Battlefield 2142.



Played it earlier on my mates machine.



Oh my.



if I needed somehting to while away those hours without the yummy, it is this healthy expression of my rage.



KILL KILL KILL!!!



Thats my fucking tank, you asswipe!!



Bail out!



*BOOM*



I did warn you...



lol



No.



Seriously- This game is the best first person shoot 'em up ever created.



And I need to trade myself a new video card...128MB AGP NVIDIA Gforce4 just aint gonna cut it...



512MB NVIDIA UberPCI coming up...



Now where to steal one of those...



Arse...I need a new motherboard for it..



Grr.



And yet more.



Might as well grab some memory whilst I'm at it...



Oh dear.



I must.. resist. need to save...cash...



Or get a better paid job...



*sigh*


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01:26 Oct 16 2006
Times Read: 1,088


Battlestar Galactica.



I love this show...



Even though I still oppose TV on general principles.



lol

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17:00 Oct 14 2006
Times Read: 844


Karl von Clausewitz- "War, is the continuation of state policy by other means"


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02:55 Oct 14 2006
Times Read: 1,106


Ok.



Some fucked up shit going on in Korean Cinema.



I thought 'Brother' was a twisted mindfuck.



I lost the plot with 'A tale of two sisters'...



Goodnight?



Not likely with that madness running through my head...



lol


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20:04 Oct 13 2006
Times Read: 1,115


I just realised that I forgot the link for that last entry...



Duh me. But it was late.



I haven't been sleeping a whole lot lately.



A lot of worry to consider.



And lonely thoughts.


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Death knell of a giant?

23:37 Oct 12 2006
Times Read: 1,133


The internet wars would be kinda cool...



Virtual reality contests in 3d robots and tanks with big guns, a bit like The new Battlefield game...(I will be having a go)



A far cry from 'Tron', but it could happen in the dark future.



Perhaps even big investors would bet on the winner?



Or world leaders...lol



Americans - "If my lot, beat your lot, on Saturday night, we'll relax our trade restrictions and reduce import taxes for your products."



Chinese-

"OK, but if our lot win, you have to keep buying the crap stuff."


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22:51 Oct 12 2006
Times Read: 1,135


And no wonder!



That fan is getting awfully big...


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Oh my. Daddy, come home...

22:48 Oct 12 2006
Times Read: 1,139


British General... Run Away! Run away!



Did someone forget to mention something important before this all kicked off?



Such as the fact that the Muslim majority hate us more than the secular ex-allies did.



I would hope that the US pulls out as soon as possible, though it may mean that they will be handing it over to the Islamic Theocrazy...



Who knows what the idea was for taking this on, but I don't think either of plan A, B or C is working very effectively.


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22:40 Oct 12 2006
Times Read: 856


But the will must be stronger than the skill. `Muhammad Ali.


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Grr

01:17 Oct 11 2006
Times Read: 1,155


Apart from my not being able to get to the VR Ball, due to my leaking cash from every available oriface on my recent trip...(which I DO NOT regret)



My boss told me today that I won't be going to Japan to set up the new offices' network and he will do it.



Retribution for getting back late...



At least I didn't get sacked.



I got away with a slap on the wrist really, but this is a painful punishment.





All I can say, is that every extra minute I gained, was worth a lifetime anywhere else.





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02:35 Oct 10 2006
Times Read: 1,173


I'm going to try and go to bed. I have work in six hours...



I will imagine that I am sleeping on Egyptian cotton sheets.



:)


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OK

01:15 Oct 10 2006
Times Read: 1,186


Time to get with the program...for real this time.



No more pussy-footing procrastination.



Lets call people on this BS which I keep reading.



It's gone on far too long and filled the forum with relative ease.



I hate shovelling shit and so, expect more grr-ing.



grr.



:P



And why do I decide to take this on at 1am?



Hmm...


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0.o

00:15 Oct 10 2006
Times Read: 1,189


Right, thats it!



Theres the cinch!



The dude is becoming impotent- because of the lack of nutrient energy and fat clogged arteries, which pump the blood to the penis.



So, no more junk food for this nympho.



:(


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00:04 Oct 10 2006
Times Read: 1,190


Appleton, Winsconsin.



"Healthy food program solves juvenile delinquency problem."



Go figure.



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Super Size Me

23:50 Oct 09 2006
Times Read: 1,195


I know I like a bit of booty.



'Tis sexy...



But damn- I ain't neva' gon' eat no fast food eva' again!



This includes Sonic foot-long chilli dogs...



KFC zinger burgers...



And....fish and chips...noooo!!!



I love my deep fried Cod and big chunky and ever so greasy chips....



But now, after seeing this movie (it's on UK TV now), I feel like having a cholonic irrigation.



No shit.



Well, actually, loads of it.



I want this poison out of my body, right now...



One of the Doctors said;

"This is poison..."



McDonalds even admitted in writing that;

"The processing used to produce McDonalds products enevitably makes it more harmful..."





Now, at least Subway isn't this garbage.



Thank you Lord, for small mercies.





*goes to throw up*





Maybe this will make me anorexic....Like...eat my junk food, then go regurgitate it.



Tonight, I made mince beef, with carrots, leek, onion and mushrooms. In gravy, with broccoli and buttered new potatos on the side.



It was Uber Tasty.



Cost me less than a KFC meal deal.



That is fucked up, right there.



I guess it comes down to convenience living and sugar addiction.



Lucky me, I stock up on sugar through chewy sweets and beer.



None in tea and rarely drink coffee. None of my cereal. None on anything, except maybe demarera on my porridge.



Yes, I like porridge.



:P





And check out sodexho.com



They supply schools with junk....and prisons.



Nice.



America needs Jamie Oliver.



I'd laugh, but it's fucking sick.



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22:56 Oct 09 2006
Times Read: 1,201




Her journal contained some of the most exquisite, descriptive and emotive writing I've ever read.



It's a heavy loss.



I wish you well Anais, with whatever you do in the future.



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grr.

17:46 Oct 08 2006
Times Read: 1,224


Vista finally gave up the ghost.



I am currently reinstalling XP...



Be back later.



mew.



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Interesting...

15:44 Oct 07 2006
Times Read: 1,246


Now here's an observation of VR.



Probably isn't a hard and fast rule, but, consider the Coven Lux Aeterna, where a sizable number have their home in Malta.



Great place, long and proud history.



And then I thought that there can't really be that many people in such a relatively small population that have an interest in vampires.



Which makes VR the holder of the internets largest Maltese Vampire Appreciation Society.



Unless they all leave...er.



lol



But I wonder at how the covens are evolving, the polarisation of different personalities towards certain Covens, the influence of location and friends, offline and on VR.



It's kinda cool, in a geeky kind of way, to watch VR's demographic changes...



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20:25 Oct 06 2006
Times Read: 1,273




Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



Dawn breaks, over Ireland.



Flying into the sunrise was awesome.



:D


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20:24 Oct 06 2006
Times Read: 1,274




Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



As the day draws to a close...



Over Michigan.



I watched this sunset for an hour.




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20:23 Oct 06 2006
Times Read: 1,275




Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



Sunset over America...


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20:22 Oct 06 2006
Times Read: 1,276




Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



The Mississippi...




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20:21 Oct 06 2006
Times Read: 1,277




Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



This was sunset over South Carolina at the end of a yummy day.




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20:20 Oct 06 2006
Times Read: 1,278




Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



These are the beautiful gardens in South Carolina.



I really loved being here, despite my hay fever...



There are big Koi carp in that water.



;)


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What the hell is wrong with me?

00:51 Oct 06 2006
Times Read: 1,291


I can't sleep.



I'm tired and hurt like the devil is beating me, but I don't want to go to bed.



I'm missing something...



*goes to try again*


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00:15 Oct 06 2006
Times Read: 1,293


I have a whole load of pics to upload and post here soon...



But bed calls and it's a hard day at work tomorrow.



Lots of sunset, a few sunrise...One good one of the mississippi...and some other random bits.



I hope y'all will like.



lol


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19:42 Oct 05 2006
Times Read: 1,305


I just took a machete approach to the forum.



Har har.



>:)


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