2024 - A wild ride continues into 2025....00:59 Jan 02 2025
Times Read: 109
Where to begin...I suppose a summary is the best I can do right now.
As we move into this new year, we all have so much to look back on, however, the key for me right now is to keep moving forward, but...
Keeping my thoughts on the nature of this journey that I've undertaken over the past five months has made me evaluate the seismic changes that have occurred, not only in my life but for those around me at that beginning, and for those who have continued to walk with me until now.
This past year, more than any other I suspect, has been the most momentous. Although in years gone by, such significant experiences have occurred and will never be forgotten, this year has had so many, and across such a range of emotions, that it has to be considered the most impactful of my life to date.
I've shared snippets of that journey here in my journal, mainly those that I thought some others might find useful as markers, signposts, or advice- for those who may find themselves on a similar road to finding their own truth.
For those whom I loved in a life before this new phase of being, there is still great love- what changes I've wrought are not a reflection on how I felt, and still feel about them. They were for me alone. While the impact resonates across the lives of all those in my field of influence, it wasn't directed at them. However, we don't generally live on islands of total isolation. And when rocks the size of that which I've thrown out into that lake of my own societal group splash down, they tend to ripple back and forth for quite some time.
I'll admit that 2024 was emotionally draining. A rollercoaster ride and a half. So much happened with separation from my wife, disconnecting with the kids, loss of contact with family, social circles, church even- it was a whole life left behind.
Since then, a new way forward has opened up, with reforged connections, and newly minted ones. Sadness and joys. Remembrance with a sense of loss, but there's an excitement that also comes with some trepidation as to what possible future realities can come to be actualized, if only I so choose.
The gifts of people's time that I have been given without condition, have been the most precious. From offering advice and support and an ear, to providing hammers against my walls and pinpoint triggers to poke through to the me that was suppressed- all have played a critical part in my recovery.
And I say recovery, because it was a suppression of the self. For many years, parts of my whole were curtailed and held in a frozen chamber of my mind. Some still are, although there are ways in which to unlock those rooms now- a decision I still wrestle with and with support, will make when I'm ready.
And so, I am thankful for 2024, for everything that has happened, that has shaped me to the me I am now- the more complete, more evolved version, for positive and negative. I thank all those who stood in the gap for me, who lifted those hammers and who caught me from my leap into the unknown future. All know whom they are, all are forever woven in my tapestry, and I, I hope, in theirs.
I am free for the first time in my life. Truly free. It's as scary as it is awesome.
"If you are falling off a cliff, you may as well try to fly. You've got nothing to lose." - J. Michael Straczynski
COMMENTS
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Laineyxo
17:11 Jan 06 2025
It sounds as though you're at a bit of a crossroads.