The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I never thought it would hurt so much, but it did.

A buddy I've had since high school told me today he's had feelings for me all these years, but was too afraid to tell me. I knew the moment he told me, that things would never be the same.



I was kind, but honest. I had to tell him that I'm in love with Jon. I knew my friend wouldn't understand. He was upset and confused as to why I would want a long distance relationship with a man, when I could have one with a man who was here. I told my friend that my heart chose Jon, and that even though Jon is far away, I can feel his love with me all the time.



It hurt to see my friend so angry, heck I never knew till today he liked me that way. He is very upset with me. He thinks I'm nuts to wait for Jon, and spend my days and nights alone. He doesn't seem to comprehend that when you truley love someone, you can wait as long as it takes. Jon...is the only man I want. The time I spent with him made me so happy. I felt perfectly relaxed, and able to be myself with Jon. I've told him things I've never told anyone.

He...is my heart. As for "lonely nights?" It's to the point I don't even notice other guys,... my friend will tease me when I don't notice some "hot "guy walking past. Inside I'm thinking , "who the fu*k cares? He's not Jon, ...so what is there to look at?" Jon is worth more to me than any stupid shallow, lusty affair or one meaningless night stand. I just want my Jon...pretty simple isn't it? :)





So... I'm pretty sure I lost a good friend today, but when he finds his soul mate someday, he will be glad I was honest with him.

COMMENTS

-

---

markus666
16:23 Feb 27 2010

I bow to your presence. Only a true woman will do what you did. Only a woman that can love a man, the way you love your distance boyfriend, can be call: Lady.

---

POST COMMENT

Since I'm up, I wanted to leave kisses and hugs for my Jonathan. I love you, and miss you baby!!!!!









(I'm trying to fight this stupid flu bug, and I start to cough everytime I lay down. I do need to get some sleep however, so I shall try to lay down again.)

Jon.....what am I to do with this growing love? Your voice, your laughter brings me so much joy!

Ever since the first time you held me in your arms, I knew I wanted to stay there, stay right there next to your heart.



When we said goodbye ....and I saw you walking as I drove away.....I wanted to stop the car , jump out and run to you. I wanted to run to your arms, and tell you one more time that I love you, & that I'll never be the same ....your love has changed me. I love the many positive changes that have taken place in my heart.

Because of you, I have learned to trust again, and be willing to share my heart despite the risk. Because of you, no matter how hard my day is, I smile and laugh with my kids.....you make me feel THAT loved! You, and only you could take my broken heart, and cause it to feel a passion, a true deep love it's never felt before.



To simply say "I love you," seems inadequate.

So at the risk of sounding like a fool, I will say " YOU ARE MY HEART!" you have become a part of me. Your name echoes in my mind and soul, your touch is the only one I long for, and the taste of your kisses forever in my memory.



I'm sure by now I sound silly, but I don't care.

I'd rather love you with all my heart, and show it, than deny my heart's wish.



I love you Jon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I've applied at about 10 businesses near my home, as I'm hoping to find a new job within two weeks. As stressful as it is , to look for new employment, I will be so glad to not have to see or put up with the ex. anymore. Working with him is hell, because he doesn't know how to work as a team, and I'm sick of his mood swings. I swear at times he has PMS. I'm also happy because soon I will finally have a job where I can be respected.



I know all this will mean big adjustments for my kids, but it is all for the best.



Wish me luck as I go in for interviews.

( I love you Jon!)

Jon, you may never know just how much of an impact you've had on my life. Your love has brought so much joy and healing to my heart ....I can't even describe it. I love you more every day, and I will be yours for as long as you want me.

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!

I'm trying not to be be afraid of facing these changes in my life. It's hard not to know what lays ahead financially, and personally. My whole life has been this way, but I'm still not used to it.



I guess I wish that someday, there will be something I can be certain of, and depend on.



For now I will just work my ass off to take care of my kids, and hold on for the ride. This is going to be one very tough year, but I won't let it get me down.

I've been trying to put it off till I have insurance, but the pain and other symptoms are getting worse. I'm so damn tired, and work is sapping any energy I have left. I try to get all my chores done even if I feel like shit, but there are times I just want to cry and be held. So screw the damn bills, i have to go in and get treatment so I can function.



The only thing that makes me feel any better is laughing, and talking with Jon, or snuggling and reading books with my kids.



I'm so blessed to have my sons. Just last night after I got off the phone with Jon, I was ready to cry, not because I was sad but because my head hurts so bad. Talking and teasing Jon got my mind off the pain for a little while, but not long after, I was holding the teddy bear he gave me, trying to block out the pain, and then came the tears. I'm not sure exactly when, but around 2 in the morning my little 5 year old

came down stairs holding his blanket. He snuggled into the chair next to me, kissed me softly on the cheek , and hugged me, saying "mommy it's okay for you to cry. I cry when I hurt, and you always hug me and make me feel all better. I love you mommy!"



I can't explain how touched I was by the way my son, in his innocent childish way, seemed to understand that some times even mommies cry, sometimes it hurts so bad they can't hide it. Sometimes even mommies need hugs & kisses to make every thing okay.



I pray the doctor can give me some real answers. I want to get my energy back and deal with this pain, so I can go back to being the person I am on the inside. I just want to function normally.

My head hurts too much to lay down, so I'm trying to get so tired I just fall asleep lol!

The funny thing is, that even though my head hurts. I'm smiling! Why? Because a certain someone called, at absolutely the perfect time. He made me smile and laugh, and wish I could be with him..*sigh*.

How does he do that anyways? SPOOKY...LOL!

I'm going through a ton of tough shit right now, but one thing won't happen. I won't give up, or get all depressed.



I don't care what certain fools say, I KNOW Jon loves me, I KNOW it in my heart. I don't care what the doc. says I WILL work despite my health, and work 2 jobs, if that's what it takes.

So world do your best to toss me around, but my kids and I are tough enough to get through this year, and we will laugh no matter what crap happens.



I'd better try to lay down.

I send love to my Jonathan........all my love!

My dear sons, I know that your life hasn't been easy, and that the year ahead will be difficult too. But...there is no reason to be afraid, or worry about the future. All we can do is stick together, encourage and help each other, and never, NEVER give up! We can't control what our circumstances are, but we can stand strong together as a family, and make it through every challenge. We maybe just 3 kids and a mom to some people, but we are so much more. We are a family! We will take care of each other, and help each other when we stumble.



I love you my sons!

Say what ever you wish, think what ever you may, try to tear me down, try to make me lose hope. I will NOT cry, I will not believe a single word from your angry bitter heart. I will not start to doubt my worth, or my ability to provide for my sons.



The more you mock me, the more you try to drain me, I will stand up taller, stronger, and smile. I will smile because I have been blessed with 3 wonderful sons to take care of and love. I will smile because I have a very special mate, who thinks I'm worth loving.



I will NOT cry , you ARE NOT worth my tears!!!!!

I will smile!!!!!!!

Compassion is the ability and willingness to try and understand how some one else is feeling, to " put yourself in their shoes." It means caring when someone else is hurting, a heart's broken, or just needs some TLC.



It's not the same with pity, pity is simply "feeling sorry" for a person, with no real connection with them, and no desire to help them become filled with joy.





I've found that now days there are few people filled with compassion, some are filled with pity, but most live in their own little world, and refuse to see where they might help someone else.



In this New Year, things are currently and are going to be very rough for the boys and I, but I will not allow it to tear me down. I will try my best to show compassion to other single parents who struggle with paying the bills, and raising hurting kids. I don't want pity, & I don't want a hand out. I want to stay positive, and hopeful. Things will get better, my health will someday change and the pain go away, the stress I'm under will eventually not be an issue, and my kids....I will love them, hug them, and do my best by them always.



A New Year, of frustrated tears, and smiles of triumph await my sons and I, .....I just have to stay focused on getting us through the storms that lay ahead.

How is it possible to miss a man this much?

I may joke around about the whole"horny thing"

but it really has nothing to do with sex. I miss his smile, the wicked gleam in his eye when he's laughing, & the way his hand feels in mine.

I miss simply holding him next to my heart, and whispering to him, that I love him.



I'm getting used to missing him, but still there is that aching for him , that longing I've felt in my heart , since the day we kissed and said goodbye. How is it, that he became a part of me in such a short time? We both took such a risk last summer, and yet I knew in my heart I'd be a fool not to give my heart to him, and to treasure his heart as well.



I think of him always, his name, his sweet face ever in my dreams.

How I miss him, how I LOVE HIM!!!!!

I really don't think he knows how deep this love for him goes. But that wonderful day, that moment I'm finally in his arms, I will show him how special he is to me.



I miss him!