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I just completed my 9th day of not smoking. That is no, Cigars, pipes, or fags. No nicotine what so ever. I have tried a few times before but I was using cigars and pipes as a crutch. This time it is all cold turkey.

So I've been able to observe something I hadn't noticed about smoking before. Smoking is like a dangerous love affair. Like shagging an ax murderer, it may be the best feeling ever, and may be really exiting, you may even think your in love. However with each kiss you share she is closer and closer to chopping your man bits off.

Smoking is like a crazy psycho bitch on crack. She will mess you up if you let her.

This came into my head after the dream I had following day 7. I dreamt I cheated. You know how you have one of those dreams where your shagging some other tramp behind your girl's back? You feel real bad about it but you cant stop your self, you just want to "wash your winky in her kitchen sinky".

Well I had one of those dreams, a cheating dream. I dreamt I smoked a cigarette though. And by damn that cigarette felt like I was smoking my first one. I felt all the great stuff I had in my first time I smoked my first menthol. Not a cigar, not a cheap fag i bummed off my friends whilst drunk. No, my first premium mentholated through the filter menthol fag. It was like heaven. I couldn't stop my self. No matter what my winky was not coming out of, in this case very metaphoric kitchen sinky.

My dream ended as the last puff was exhaled, and as my eyes open I realized what had really been going on. It was like all those crazy bitches I'd shagged in the past, tobacco was a seductive succubi with a sirens call leading me to my death. No wonder I couldn't quit before. Nicotine had me by the most important thing of all, the thing I feel with the thing I think with..... MY DICK!

With this new insight in hand I will not fail to quit this addiction, the answer to this problem is easy. I'll just do what I always did when I didn't want to be pussy whipped any more. Pretend to be a lazy smelly Otaku until she leaves me the hell alone!

First of all I want to say that unlike many people I did not suffer the horrors of high school many did. I was not patronized for being different, I did not get gum spit in my hair or called a faggot for wearing woman's clothes half the time.

I was a typical goth kid in a pretty impressive school and since I felt comfortable in my own skin, many people left me alone, hell most of them even liked me. Weird right? The weird tranny goth kid got to be on the high end of the social totem pole for once.

It didn't hurt coming from a rough and tough family though. My parents where bikers, they also insisted that all their kids learn martial arts. And in the little puny Mormon village I grew up in I had to make my decision quick.

Lets be clear, this village is 20 miles away from the high school I grew up in and where I come from it may as well be on the moon. But we can save that for later. Important thing, my grammar school was nothing like high school. These kids hated non Mormons, they hated the Irish, and most of all they hated weird kids.

So after getting the holy living crud beat out of me from kindergarten till 2nd grade I kinda had it out for these ass holes. So as soon as I found someone that would teach me to FIGHT, not just defend my self I jumped right in and learned all I could about the ancient Japanese art of kicking the crud out of religious extremists. And I pretty much had to do that until I transferred in my first year of high school.

So what is the point in this journal? Well the point is to recount and retail the story of how I was oppressed for being who I was. And here is a little tie in at the end of that. I got out of college moved to Texas and it started all over.

Well I'm just about done with being repressed by ignorant shit kickers now a day and I'm going to be who the hell I am. And that my friend is the moral to this sad little tale we call our lives. There is nothing we can have without having to fight for it. Without having to work for it, even if it seems like the most simple request to make that wouldn't actually bother anyone else, you bet they'll bee some jerk off out there that wants to breath down your neck about you wanting to wear your hair long or listen to music they don't find in their extended collection of greatest country and christian hits. They'll want to break your neck for trying to date their sister whilst wearing a skirt 3 inches shorter than hers. Or maybe just maybe the whole reason they want to bring you down, is because they, them selves are afraid of standing for them selves.

No matter what, I'm done sitting down.