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Life is so difficult and the people in it are so hard to understand. The differences, the thoughts, and opinions.

My mind has been spinnig lately with thoughts of relations.

There is this girl I love, but I want to end it because I live too far away. I haven't exactly called, but it is only because I do not like speaking on the phone.

I love her, but it seems like she doesn't even like the word. She never says she loves a person, only when she's fooling around.

THe last guy she was with, she said, "I didn't love him, but I thought we would last a few years." Is that not luv, when years is in a sentence?

but idk.

I just don't know what to think or what to do.

Its the strangest thing, I suppose you never really hear this, well I haven't.

I miss myself sometimes.

Just today I sat in my room alone, listening to evenstar, writing my books, and lit an insence and a few beautiful candles, and enjoyed pondering upon the paintings on my walls.

I loved it, I haven't done that in a while.

My mom doesn't like me in my room alone to much, but its so peaceful, its as though tears are going to fall from my eyes in joy because I have missed it so much. A simple action has beome a part of me.



the day are getting shorter, and the lights are going out later, the snow will be coming soon, and I will be hitting the slopes until closing time.

The only downfall is, I am not going to the same place that I have been going to for the past 10 years! It sadness me, and I am going to miss the small town so much!!!



In high school I was afraid I wasn't going to have that group, those few friends I could rely on and they could rely on me, but now that I am a senior and I have moved away, I have found those people. Yes, others may judge them, but they are the only ones that still call me, the only ones who I am not afraid to talk to, and who I can tell anything to.



One is my girlfriend, she has liked me for the last year, and I only began liking her towards the end, but now we like eachother, and I have never had such a simple and caring relationship in my life. I like her alot. she's the first girl I have ever kissed, I was feared those few seconds, but since I care so deeply for her, it was the most normal think to do in the world.



Then Zac, he still calls and we hang out, and he jumps around all the time, just like laura! And then there is Erica, she may never call, but she tags along with Laura, and we can talk if we want. I was invited to her birthday party and had a blast of course.



They are like my little family, the ones I have been looking for through my high school year, and I am happy to say that I will graduate with having met friends like them.