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In the first and second Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever, the race of Giants have a ritual called the Caamora.



The Caamora is an intentional ritual immersion in fire (the Giants were impervious to flame damage, though they felt keenly the pain of it), in which they use the agony of the fire to honestly review their mental and emotional state and excise that which they find unacceptable.



They look at aspects of themselves: greed, rage, hate, spite, despite, grief, fear, pain, cowardice, etc. In the ritual of the Caamora they review these parts of themselves with an honest mind and heart and decide which aspects they can accept and work into themselves for some positive use, and they decide which parts are to be burned away, to be cleansed from their psyches in the ritual fire.



Typically only one hand was placed in the fire or graveling for the purposes of a Caamora, but a few with much larger issues have stood in the flames.



The reason I bring this up is that the next few sessions on my tattoo are going to be the worst. We've hit sensitive territory and it is going to suck a great deal. It sucked last night. I got to thinking about the Caamora, and decided that maybe I've got my own ritual intentional immersion in flame going on, and maybe I can be strong enough to use it to find the unwholesome or unacceptable parts of myself and decide whether they need to go or be interwoven towards good purposes, to use the pain to focus on painful things and deal with them.



I went through some fairly uncomfortable musings last night, and I noticed in the parts where I concentrated most deeply on understanding a particularly vicious or nasty part of my psyche, the tattoo was negligible pain.



Wish me luck in my Caamora.



I hope I can remain this philosophical throughout.

Ok. Someone made a bet with me today. More of a dare with a benefit if I made it.



He dared me to listen to this satellite pop station for 3 hours without crying off. If I made it, I got two passes for dinner at the restaurant of my choice. If I failed, he got to laugh.



I asked whether I got to make fun of the music. He said yes, so why the hell not?



Here's the scary part.



Amid the many songs I found ludicrous, smarmy, icky, stupid or just plain bad ... There were so many songs I liked. On a fucking POP station. THey also played RAP.



I will not list the ones I liked here. I have more pride than that.



I will, however, redefine the music I like.



I like everything except PLASTIC or BUBBLE GUM pop and most rap. I found some rap songs I grooved along with too.



*hangs head*



*sniff*



I want my Mojo.



Song of the moment: Bombastic, by Shaggy.

Mood: Discombobulated.

Feeling: PEANUT BUTTER!



Oh. P.S. I am trying decide from where I want the dinner certificates. I listened 4 hours. He smirked.

Glad that bit of bloody-mindedness is over for now.



Got a call from one of our account reps who has business in Chicago.



Apparently he was having trouble with his corporate card - it wouldn't go though. I asked him where he was trying to use it.



At a strip club.



I asked him how on earth, even if he did get it to go thorugh, he though he was going to be able to justify that to ME for reimbursement.



He said, "Never mind," and decided to pay a different way.



*snicker* Titties as a legitemate business expense? hahahahahahaha

I sometimes think I am unfit for human cohabitation then I wonder why that matters.



I spoke with someone earlier today who honestly wanted to know what was going on in my head.



Honestly.



So. I made a mistake and told him. Hasn't spoken to me since.



Maybe I should avoid people when my thoughts spin like sharp little ravenous conscienceless beasts. Some things people just should not know about another, I guess.



But damn, I wish someone could know the shittiness that lives and breathes and breeds in my head, and still be willing to talk ... Sometimes talking to people is the only thing that reminds me why I have to pay attention to social mores. Like, "Thou shalt not slaughter your neighbor and make a woven rug out of his intestines."



Sometimes talking to people is the only thing that helps me put a face on humanity long enough to turn the mood.



Song of the moment: "Water," by PJ Harvey



"Water

Walking on

Water



For years

Taking it into my head

Living by the right lines

Reading what the very man said



Water

Walking on

Water



Neighing on eleven years

Taking it into my head

Mary Mary drop me softly

I've been reading what your very man said

Neighing on eleven years

Taking it into my head

Leave my clothes on the beach

I'm walking down into the sea



Prove it to me



Now the water to my ankles

Now the water to my knees

Think of him all waxy wings

Melted down into the sea

Mary Mary what your man said

Is washing in all over my head

Mary Mary hold on tightly

Over water under the sea"



Mood: bloody

Physical state: exhausted

Started my back piece last night.



Left buttock.



Coi in water.



owfuckingowowowowwahhhhhhhow ow ow.



:)



It looks phenomenal (pictures later after it's more than just my ass), but I lost count of how many times I hollered "Son of a smurf rapin' whore!" and "Ay, Poppy Jedi, that's how I LIKE it!" (The latter because it is better than "FUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKK!" - although that was said a few times too.)



I am going back this coming Saturday for more fun and games. :) I am so excited about getting this done. Finally.

so ... very ... many ....



Sometimes it's like a stupid fest.



It truly irks me that for so many people who have English as a mother tongue (sad to say, many of them Americans, thus giving credence to the Jerry Springer view of the US) can't spell or punctuate or conjugate a verb worth two shits, LET ALONE express a coherent thought on any given topic !



*take a breath*



See, I could live with bad spelling (I make my own fair share of typos) if all the damned "ur's" and "u" and "thats y i 4get" and shitty internet abbreviations did not abound in the same posts with irrepressible bad grammar. Couple the abbreviations, etc. with poorly or non-thought out blurples on supposedly heavy topics ... and I want to slap people.



AND WHAT'S SO FUCKING HARD ABOUT USING A COMMA OR A PERIOD EVERY NOW AND THEN?!



*take another breath*



When I say poorly thought out, I mean a slap-dash thought out. People who honestly try get a great many brownie points in my book, whether they've the cognitive faculties equal to the depth of the question or not.



There are a great many questions for which my cognitive faculties are not equal. Ask anyone who knows me.

I had a wonderful time in Richmond. :)



Meeting and hanging out with Khayman and Jason was the bomb. I am glad decided to unass (to steal a word) myself and go to say hey with people. I thought about that long ago thread, "What would you do if you had 3 hours left to live." Not enough time. I thought I'd better get started now. I try to live so I do not regret the things I have done; I'd rather not regret the things I have *not* done.



So. Khayman and Jason.



Khayman, dear sweet patient soul (yes, Khayman - get those looks off your faces) that she really is, waited for me at the airport and took me to my hotel after a truly icky travel day. The next day, Friday, she had to work, so I amused myself walking around town and finding ways to get into trouble. Ok. I got my nails done and wandered around. :) I kept up with the talk to strangers advice my friend Becca gave me. I met a few interesting folks, talked about their lives and mine, and moseyed on my way.



Khayman and I went out to the Tobacco Company Restaurant that evening - my goodness but that place is nice. The staff there were very attentive and performed their jobs with panache. *grin*



We drove around a bit, I saw some landmarks with an eye towards visiting them Saturday while she worked.



Alas, visiting them was not to be. Due to some personal life fires which needed extinguishing, I was glued to the damned cell phone most of the day. Anyhoo.



That evening, Jason came in from norfolk.



He, Khayman and I went to ... Beefeater's. Aren't you shocked? I remembered the name of a bar. *wink* This bar had karaoke. Khayman sang a song (Well done). I sang two songs (mediocre *shrug* I'll get over it). Some of the singers did quite credible jobs. Some of the singers made me look at Jason with, "Please kill them" in my eyes. I got over this too.



All in all it was a fun evening. :)



Sunday. The day to leave.



The great key fiasco began and was resolved (thankfully). I felt so bad that I could not wave a magic wand and bring out to my hand someone's lost keys. They were eventually found, but by diligent housekeeping staff, not a magic wand.



The three of us went to breakfast and then to Hollywood Cemetery.



There are some lovely old tombstones there, and some interestingly odd inscriptions. When I post my pictures, I'll show you what I mean.



Odd and even more interesting was a tombstone with no inscription but a last name. Right creeped me out, it did. Especially since it was J's last name. He said something like, "If I get into a car crash and DIE this week, you two are going to hell!" as we snapped a few pictures of him posing by it.



Khayman pointed out this angel in the cemetery. She said it always followed her with her eyes. I thought it might be nifty to get a picture of me holding the creepy angel's hand.



It was a blustery, chilly, half snowing day. The creepy angel's hand was warm.



We made for the airport, to kick my ass out the door and on my way back to Texas. :)



Again with the flight delays, but I was NOT "selected by my airline for special attention" this time. *huge grin*

I'll probably delete them eventually, I just wanted them to hang out somewhere convenient until I can get home and find the song again on a compatible computer.



**********************************************



Puscifer featuring Maynard James Keenan, Danny Lohner - REV 22:20 Lyrics







Don’t be aroused

By my confession

Unless you don’t give a good goddamn about redemption

I know

Christ is coming

And so am I

You would too if the sexy devil caught your eye

She’ll suck you dry

Soon you’ll cry

To be back in her bosom

To do it again

She’ll make you weep

And moan and cry

To be back in her bosom

To do it again

Pray – shall I go blind?

Pray – cos nobody ever survives

Praying to stay in your arms

Just until I can die a little longer

Saviors and saints

Devils and demons alike

She’ll eat you alive

Jesus is risen

It's no surprise

Even he would

Martyr his momma

To ride to hell between those thighs

The pressure is building

At the base of my spine

If I gotta sin to see her again

Then I'm gonna lie and lie and lie

She'll make you cry

I'll sell my soul

To be back in your bosom

And gladly help

Please suck me dry

And still you'll cry

To be back in her bosom

Do it again

Pray – shall I go blind?

Pray – cos nobody ever survives

Praying to stay in your arms

Just until I can die a little longer

Saviors and saints

Devils and demons alike

She’ll eat you alive

My pulse has been rising

My temples are burning

The pressure is so overwhelming and building

So steady and heavy

I'm ready to blow

She waits, what is she waiting for?

Pray – shall I go blind?

Pray – cos nobody ever survives

Praying to stay in your arms

Just until I can die a little longer

Saviors and saints

Devils and demons alike

She’ll eat you alive

Ok. Hate is a really strong word, but I damn well mean it. In the 6 flights I had to be on, none were on time, and on two out of 3 legs of the journey, my airline singled me out for "special attention". Oh. And they lost my luggage.



There is no reason for it to take 15 hours between Denver and Richmond.



However.



They rerouted my flight from Denver to St. Louis, changed it again to O'Hare, then finally to Dallas. I ended up being in an hour and a half late. Khayman was wonderful enough to be patient with the airline.



I think I forgot to tell her before Wednesday when my flight was arriving. Supposedly arriving.*



She picked me up at the airport looking for "Gumby with Skis" as she put it. :)



We chit chatted for a bit, and then we sacked out.



15 hours in the air and in airports when NOT going overseas or to hawaii fucking sucks. I was exhausted and grumpy.

Really. Ours did.



The resemblance was startling. GREAT big body, wending away into a tail looking bit, smaller middle section with wee twiggy arms, and a very tiny head. After the snowfall and drift, it really did look amazingly like Jabba the Hutt. Pictures to come.



Also, Becca took a picture of me playing with one of the dogs, Cassie, a golden retriever. I match the damned dog. "Twins," as Mordes said.



Faugh.



Anyhoo. Organization for the afternoon, then .... off for snow tubing!



WHAT A HELL OF A BLAST!



We got all gussied up in our powder clothes, with goggles, etc., and met Jenn up mountain at Keystone. Jenn, of all the poeple who said they'd show, was the only one who didn't flake. Apparently this is representative of the population up there; folks get busy and neglect to call back and say "I won't be able to make it."



No real loss - the three of us had a blast!



Before going up to the peak, we stopped at ... another bar. I can't remember bar names. Probably because they sell alcohol. Anyhoo. We got a hot chocolate each and she had them put a double Jamison's in each glass. For warmth.



Cricket-snot.



With a double of Jamison's under his belt, I think Frosty could get a tan.



The ride up mountain in the gondolas was about 20 minutes to the tubing, then afterwards 20 minutes to Fondue Chess, the restaurant we ate at. At which we ate .... bah. Prepositonal phrases suck.



Jenn is tiny. Becca is tall. I am wide. The three of is in inner tubes, hurtling spinning down a mountain side must have been a site to see.



And laugh at. A lot.



It was wonderful when we went indivdually, because I could hear Becca's "WHOOOOOO!" and Jenn's screams pealing down the run. *grin* I have to admit, I laughed like a lunatic the whole way down.



I have pictures of this too. I'll post them. :)



ahhhhhh Fondue Chess.



Good gods, more than once a year or every few years would be too much, but that place was wonderful.



They had this HUGE fireplace, and their tables were long oaken trestles set up, so you got to meet your neighbors.



They brought out salads and fruit and veggies to dip in the cheddar. Then the meat stuff (mmmmmmmmmm) and we grilled our own, then dessert (fruits and sweet cake stuff to dip in chocolate).



We all joked about puking, but I noticed we all sat on the same side of the gondola on the way down. We pretended it was for warmth (-3 degrees Fahrenheit), but we were given blankets for the two gondola rides down.



And then bedtime hit.

We spent a quiet Tuesday.



Becca and I polished off (respectively) a bottle of wine and a hefty portion of a bottle of vodka. We played pool, danced to Ozo Matli, played with dogs, talked about secrets and dreams and past lives and such, and then went to sleep.

Snowshoeing!



Great great fun! We found some hills which were absolutely irresistable - and rolled down them, lol. I've a few pictures of this (I'll be posting pictures soon enough). We ended the snowshoeing early however.



More on this later. :)



******



This is later. Sorry for the delay.



It was good we ended the snowshoeing early, because this marshmallow was a bit sore. I loved the tub for a while that night.



We went to a birthday party for a friend of Becca's that evening, and it was fun! I knew only 2 people there, Becca and Paul (from Aberdeen), but I met some nifty folks. Cajun Ron was the birthday boy, and he seemed pleased for all the folks who showed up to wish him happy happy. Al was a trip and a half - very funny man. I forget how, but he got away with saying Hymen at the dinner table. I normally don't do well at all in crowds, but that evening was a pleasant exception. Diner was at the Ore House in Frisco (lovingly referred to as the Whore House).



After the dinner, we walked over to the bar for a few more drinks - I forget its name ... lol. I drank more while in Colorado than I had in the previous 9 months or so.



Home again home again, jiggety jig. This was Monday. :)

Cost of Air tickets for itinerary:



$500



Cost of luggage to replace that destroyed by my brother's dog:



$40



Delays on flight before even leaving San Antonio:



4



Interesting strangers met and conversed with:



7



Due to delays, time allowed to get from one end of DFW International to the extreme other:



10 minutes



Knowing a fat girl (namingly me) can run an 8 minute mile in her stocking feet to catch a connecting flight:



Priceless





OH. And my baggage went to OHare.



I went to Denver.



All the delays caused a snafu with the luggage.



I should have it by midafternoon today, though.



*********

Update as of 11:17 PM Mountain time



I had a friggin awesome day.



We drove the 2 hours to Strawberrie Park Hot Springs (near Steamboat). The roads were WHITE. Snow and ice. The springs were LOVELY. Cold pool, warm pool, HOT pool... mmmmm. We spent a few hours there, puddling around, talking, etc.



The atmosphere there was incredible. It's run by a single family, old hippy people. It's not touristy at all. I can't describe the sensation of being in hot springs with your face tilted upwards to catch snowflakes. Simply ... lovely.



We took the Pokey puppy with us.



Shall I describe Pokey?



Big dog.



Very big dog.



He seems mollified enough that I took his seat (the passenger seat in the Jeep) if I scratch his chin, rub his nose and love on his ears. The minute I vacate the seat though, BAM! He's there. It's a fun game.



As my luggage was still lost this evening, I was still wearing my oh so inappropriate shoes ... leather slip-ons. Pokey enjoyed putting me on my butt in the snow a time or two. It generally degenerated into a wrestiling match until I threw a snowball for him to chase. *GRIN* Great fun!



Becca and I picked up my luggage about an hour and change ago. I now have my good waterproof hiking boots and my powder pants. :) Tomorrow we snowshoe the pass. Unless we get shitloads of snow; if that is the case, we'll do a little snowshoeing around parts of the ski runs and probably go tubing tomorrow evening. I'll tell you about that later.



I am sleepy, and I've just had the luxury of a nice, hot bubble bath.



Gnite!

I am so excited about going to Colorado and Virginia.



I am so not impressed that the quickest means of locomotion is an airplane.



I have a phobia of crowds. Throw in crowded airplane where they do NOT hand you parachutes, only these uncomfortable places upon which you park your ass (sometimes joikingly referred to as "floatation devices" the seat, not the ass, thank you very much), but what good are they over land?



Today I will be taking the anxiety medication for the first time in well over a year. I hate the stuff. It turns me into a mental potato. I have enough of a problem thinking linearly as it is ... but on that shit?



Meh.



I couldn't decide which books to pack so I packed all 5 of the ones I am curently reading plus a trashy romance. Eh. I'll carry my own luggage.

I finally unassed myself and finished packing. *whew* Now all I need to do is convince myself I need to sleep.

As the time for my trip grows closer, I find my self getting both more excited and more anxious in turns. Nightmares and little sleep.



So many airports. So many people. Meh. But. I get to go hang out with folks I like. If I survive the airports I'll be ok.



I also get to go snowshoeing through the Pass near Vail. That is going to be a wicked few days! I am going to try and get pictures to share. We'll see if my photography skills will at least be functional enough for this memory sharing. If not, I'll just have to paint with words.



Song of the moment: Prodigy, Breathe



I am: Scattered



I wish: I could poke people's brains and see if they jiggle or if they are like stone

I can't believe I am wasting time tooling around the 'Net when I have so much I need to get done before I leave for Colorado on Saturday.



I am going out of my ever-lovin' mind! SO much at work to get done and then there is the oil change, the grocery shopping for my roomies, the house, the laundry, the packing, finding a damned suitcase, making sure the litter box is cleaned ... Meh.



I need to hire someone to organize me.



BUT



I am SO excited about going to see Becca in Colorado and snowshoeing through the pass, and then hightailing it out to Virginia. J *bounce bounce*



Meh. Must go get things done …