The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

*giggle*
01:50 Feb 24 2005
Times Read: 921

--- On 17:30:00 - Feb 23 2005 - Daire wrote ---



I aint no common garden cow, or even a field cow, im a werecow.



FEAR MY MILKY UDDERS OF DOOMY DOOM.





*******



I will admit I called him a dirty dirty moo cow first.

Procrastination-Station
00:22 Feb 24 2005
Times Read: 926

Fuck, I really need to pack.



I have my ditty bag (toiletries and jewelry) together, but not a damn thing else.



I did, however, run a load of laundry. The "L" word. Have I ever mentioned how much I detest doing laundry?



I hate it.



*sigh*



*goes to put a few things together*

Sunday, SUNday, SUNDAY!
00:13 Feb 22 2005
Times Read: 940

Sunday's tattoo session(s).



I got my flowers done. That bit hurt less than I thought it would, though they are rather uncomfortable today.



The outline for the small of my back and the right side hurt rather more than I thought it would, but the outline is done. :)



The last half hour of the session, I was shaking all over and cold and clammy. When Jedi said he was done, I said, "Are you sure?" He said yes, then I calmly got up, disentangled myself from from the chair, walked to the restroom, closed the door and hurled for about five minutes.



I have never gotten sick from pain before.



I hope it never happens again.



The colouring of that section (in a few weeks) should go fairly easily, hopefully, in comparison.



I can't believe I yakked.



I am rather proud, however, that I was able to wait until he was done to yak.

PHENOMENON
01:26 Feb 19 2005
Times Read: 953

PHENOMENON doo dooo dee doo dooo



PHENOMENON doo doodoot dooooooo



PHENOMENON doo dooooooo dee doo dooo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo doo



*SMACK!*



Sorry ....

Funerals. Meh.
02:20 Feb 17 2005
Times Read: 975

Funeral was today.



It is over.



Praise all the odd gods of the galaxy.



I am going to flirt shamelessly with men and women and drink too much.



Oh. I sang the Laudate Dominum from Mozart's Vesperae solemnis de confessore.



Thelma always thought that was a pretty piece.



*sigh*

This Saturday was a bust.
04:09 Feb 15 2005
Times Read: 986

Ok. I pussed.



Apparently at "that time of the month" nerve endings are exponentially more sensitive. I could only hack about 7 minutes of tattoo time.



I am pissed at myself for wasting Jedi's time (and mine), and I am even more pissed about making Jedi waste all the ink he got ready.



He was very understanding. He mentioned when he was getting one of his arms done that there were times when he had to call a halt after 15 minutes or so.



He said that not only are there times when the nerve endings are more sensitive, there are also times when we are just not in the mindset to be able to accept that much pain.



I wanted to quote Nero Wolfe and say, "Pfui!" but I needed the psychological salve for my pride.



I am going back this coming Sunday, and, come hell or high water, some friggin tattoo work is getting done.



I feel like such a puss.



P.S. I do not have such a sufficiency of pride that I pooh-pooh the idea of a topical analgaesic. On recommendation, I am looking into a 5% lidocaine USP solution. Just in case my body or nerve endings decide again that "Pansy" is in my vocabulary. We'll see how Sunday goes. If I pansy again, I am going to look into the lidocaine more thoroughly. *sigh, many sighs*

Mwaahahahahahaha I had fun tonight!!!
08:00 Feb 12 2005
Times Read: 998

My friend Jim came over tonight. He brought rubber practice fighting knives.



He and Jamie and Michael and I took turns killing each other, or trying.



I am so bruised. The shortest of them is 6'2" - I am only 5' even. They have hella reach on me (but inner thigh shots and kidney shots work wonders *wink*).



I managed to tear a significant portion of my thumbnail off blocking a shot. It embedded in Jamie's elbow, so it was almost worth it. ;)



Grappling with big men is not fun, not when it's not a prelude to a lot more than a kiss. Well, ok, it's fun, but I am not likely to ever do anything but sit there and flail. I need to work on getting in under their reach and climbing inside their shirts, figuratively speaking, then getting the fuck back out before they stab me or get their hands on me.



I am so out of practice. I am so out of my league. LOL



I did manage to get my fair share of kills; ok, near to my fair share of kills.



We are going to start playing with Shinai soon too. *rubs hands together gleefully*



I can't wait.

Mooning gravestones
15:28 Feb 11 2005
Times Read: 1,012






I had a visitor last night, an old friend. I hadn't seen her in 4 or 5 years. We'd called each other a few times, but we'd simply ... drifted apart. Different life choices. Thelma made some choices I couldn't and wouldn’t make. She told me she is in full-blown AIDS. She looked like hell. I'll be fucked if she weighs even 80 pounds right now.



She wanted to explain why she wasn't going to be sticking around past this weekend, and she didn't want dissuasion. Thelma just wanted to tell people she cared about goodbye.



It's her own damn choice, I know it is, and I know I've no right to make it for her or to judge her decision. I wish I could think less selfishly about this. Christ, I know she's going to be out of her misery ... it's just the next stage.



Thelma said she'd already paid for burial arrangements that she took care of all of that crap when she found out she was HIV positive a few years ago. She's just started getting sick.



She hadn't told anyone anything prior to this. I asked her why she didn't tell anyone, and she said it was because of the "oh so sorry" looks. I can understand that.



She asked me to sing at her funeral. I asked what and she said anything but disco.

I think she was trying to make me smile.



I just wish she'd have let me hug her one more time. It doesn't rub off like cold germs for fuck's sake. But, maybe she just didn't want hard reminders ... maybe it would have made it more difficult for her.



I asked her if she needed help. She said no, that's she'd done heroin for years before. She knew how to cook too much.



I can't imagine the strength it took to tell some people.



Thelma asked for my forgiveness. I can't imagine why she thought there was anything that needed forgiving.



I told her I loved her, that if she wanted my forgiveness for something she had it, but I didn't see anything that needed it. I told her I would sing at her funeral.



I promised to wear white and red. I told her some jokes because she asked for a few.



I did not cry. I laughed with her. I told her she was braver than I ever thought I could be. I drank a shot of tequila with her. Thelma’s toast was to "New things."



After she left I cried for a while, not for her, but because I regret not calling more often. Grief is not about them dying or leaving it’s about us losing them. I regret not being more active in her life.



I don't want to be selfish about it. If I sit here crying, that's selfish. Of course I am going to miss her. But, damn.



Thelma's not going to be in misery anymore. And she gets to see what’s next. Maybe she’ll save a seat at the bar for me, eventually.



She apologized for not getting to see the rest of my tattoo. I told her I would moon her gravestone when it was done.

... I need a dragon ...
21:08 Feb 10 2005
Times Read: 1,025

I get tired of being me sometimes.



Don't get me wrong, I like me, well most of me. There are some scary parts I have not managed to ... assimilate completely. But I do wonder what being someone else is like.



Would I even know the difference? I would be someone else. I wouldn't have the me memories to reference for comparison.



Maybe it wouldn't be better to be, say, Gwyneth Paltrow or whatzisname, Steve Buscemi, or some random, seemingly well-adjusted person. Then, being them, they'd be wondering what being someone else was like.



The only way to answer the question would never answer it ... not if it was done right.



Maybe re-writing myself would do the trick for sometimes. No. That's just asking for a schism in my psyche ... I have enough issues without purposefully courting multiple personalities or Cocktail Personality Disorder. Meh. I have enough facets of my personality. Adding more is not the answer.



I wish I weren't such a maze to myself sometimes. It's like the hedge maze Conundrum the gnome was trying to map. It was a magical hedge maze; it took those who entered where they needed to go. If they needed to think through a problem, it would let them wander lost until they thought it through, then it would let them out the other side. If they needed quiet contemplation, it would lead them through to the center where a lovely quiet fish pond was.



It led Conundrum around by the ... sock thread. Poor little gnome, constantly unravelling his socks, covered in ink, trying to map the hedge maze EXACTLY. It was his life goal. He thought he had it mapped at the end of each day, would go back and make a perfectly clean, perfectly drawn map of the hedge maze.



Conundrum would go out the next morning to use the map to go through the hedge maze, and end up gnashing his teeth on the map.



The hedge maze changed every day.



Then a dragon came along and burned the hedge maze down while trying to retrieve the Magical Device of Time Journeying from Tasslehoff Burrfoot (THE Tasslehoff Burrfoot) and Palin Majere.



Conundrum was finally able to map the hedge maze. Well, the charred remains of said hedge maze.



Screw understanding "people" or the world around me. My life goal is trying to understand myself. I feel like Conundrum, and I am running out of socks.



I think I need a dragon.

NAIL BITER!
16:22 Feb 10 2005
Times Read: 1,030

I can't stop biting my fingernails. Started almost a week ago and they look like complete shit.



I don't know if it is an expression of nerves or what, but it's been years since I've engaged in this manner of autocannibalism.

Polls and Threads
16:46 Feb 09 2005
Times Read: 1,046

Ok.



I am absolutely FUCKING sick of some of these childishly ridiculous polls and forum threads.



Some days it is enough to make me want to dump the site. If it weren't for a few worthy folk I have met and enjoy conversing with, I may have by now.



Some examples of Polls I cannot fathom how someone can think they have ANYTHING to do with vampires are as follows, along with my answer du jours:



*What colour is the sky in your little world in your head?



There is no sky. It's all void. Punk.



*What kind of pet do you have?



The last stupid person who irritated me. See also tonight's dinner menu.



*Is it pop or is it soda?



It is SODA POP. Get it goddamn right.



*What vice do you have?



Oh for Christ's sake ...



*Fnord?



Oh for FUCK's Sake! You didn't even choose any GOOD randomness!



*Are you a dog or a cat person?



It depends. What are they being served with?



*Lust at first sight/love at first sight?



Lust for what?



*What kind of dessert is your favourite?



*mutter* jaysus. Yeah. This is vampire related.



And the most ridiculous by far:



*Do you vote in VR Polls?



What the fuck possessed you to post such a specious and gay (and not in a good way) post?!



One poll that explains so much about the lack of foresight and maturity on so many angles here lately is the what age range poll.



49% of the sites users are 18 and under. Some of the older users seem to have the mentality of a young teenager. It is very disheartening.



I must say, however, that of those under 18, some with whom I have spoken show true promise and intelligence. Like Elly. That girl has one hell of a good head on her shoulders.





******* Deep breath *******



Ok.



The Forum threads.



I love Daire. It gives me such a grin to see his little tombstones pop up like lovely little dead flowers over the stupidity of the masses.



So many stupefying posts lately ... would you shake the hand of a kid who threatened to blow up your school ... the forty-kajillion on cutting ... the 10 zillion badly spelled ones about abso-fucking-lutely nothing ... the look at me look at me let's all reiterate our profiles HERE and negate the need for profiles in the first place threads ... the several poorly thought out and terribly spelled vampire domination threads or would you keep a werewolf as a pet or kill it ... gah.



I wish the threads which are arid of any deep thought would be kept for PM's between like-lack-minded people. I am at the point where I don't want to post a thread anymore, because if it DOES have any redeeming mental value .... it will either die for lack of interest if the thinkers are not on for a few, or it will become a thread full of 3 or 4 word comments back and forth between babblers with NO RELEVANCE WHATSOEVER to the damned topic.



My give up.

I think the building manager is trying to kill us
17:08 Feb 08 2005
Times Read: 1,049

Reason:



Yesterday the office was frigid ... 58 degrees fahrenheit (and since I found the formulae again, that is yikes, about 1 degree celcius - ?) so I dressed warmly today.



Today the office started at 82 degrees and is now 85 degrees. If it gets any warmer I'll be working naked. 85 degrees fahrenheit is about 16 celcius.



Those can't be right. I think I am doing the formulae wrong.



F = 9/5 * C + 32

C = 5/9 * F - 32



Feck. Too sticky to think.



The building manager controls the temp for the entire building by computer - ACROSS TOWN.



To my knowledge, she has received no fewer than 37 emails from our office (each person) requesting SOME semblance of a decent temp or at least turn off the goddamned blast furnace.



Meh. *takes off shoes and hose*

Stalking is not amusing
21:01 Feb 07 2005
Times Read: 1,057

I find this whole "stalk this person" icon both cheesy and rather unnerving.



I hope it goes the way of the Dodo rather quickly. I realize it doesn't give out great deals of information, but DAMN. The concept is just ... bad. Very bad. Speaking as one who has HAD a real life damned stalker, I find this in very poor taste.



Yes, it's a vampire site, blah blah blah. The friends list feature, IMHO, let you keep close enough tabs on the people whom you wished to know when they came online. The favourite journals feature let you know when new entries were made in the public journals you enjoy reading. Add to this the fact that you cannot keep a person whom you have blocked from sending messages to you from stalking you and knowing your usage history .... Ick.



Meh. So not pleased.

Good news and bad news
18:15 Feb 06 2005
Times Read: 1,066

Ok. The good news is that Jedi did not work on the small of my back last night. I was so afraid I was going to humiliate myslef by screaming like a virgin on prom night, swearing like a sailor on PCP and crying like a 5 year old who's just lost her favourite toy.



The bad news is, Jedi worked on finishing up both of my butt cheeks.



Yes, BOTH.



At once.



I am walking like a ruptured duck and in a very unpleasant mood. My ass hurts.



But, my butt is done. *whew*



So, NEXT week is the torture session.



I've discovered that tattoos do not take hours or days or months for the larger pieces.



They take 5 seconds.



Over and over and over.



If you can stand the 5 seconds, you can get your tattoo. Just .... count. "1...2...3...4...5..."



It works. I swear.



I'll have new pictures of my butt up soon.

A few peeves: poetry and music-wise
18:27 Feb 02 2005
Times Read: 1,075


BAH! I appreciate the effort put into poetry, but when it is copious and truly bad (like 12 year old mentality and 7 year old spelling kind of bad, completely lacking any punctuation that you KNOW is not an intended stylistic effect like Eliot's), it hurts like an icepick through the bridge of my nose sometimes.



*sigh*



Just like singing.



I love it when people sing, especially if they sing for me.



I hate it when people sing off-key. It really does cause me physical pain - my diaphragm tries to adjust their pitch for them, and it hurts so bad it gets difficult to breathe sometimes.



I knew this cat my first time round at university.



He had exquisitelly perfect pitch. He liked to fuck with people by singing something perfectly, seamlessly, exactly 1/4 tone sharp or flat. Not even a standard entire 1/2 tone, but 1/4 tone off. THAT was some deep hurting.