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I have pondered the writing of this entry for days, ever since the incident happened. Some times I just have to wrap my head around something and see what it looks like before I can even begin to think about putting it into words.....

The other night, Tuesday to be exact, I was driving home from work at around 11:30, just like I always do-once I get on hwy 90, it;s pretty much dark and quiet till I get to the house...I was driving along, when suddenly I realized that there was something in the headlights. By the time I had registered the fact of it's existence, IT had become a bat. An honest to god, wings and things bat. Now being the well read geek that I am, I am well aware of the fact that bats have radar and are therefore highly unlikely to fly into things, yet here I was, slamming on the brakes of my jeep in the middle of BFE, with a bat stuck to my windshield. I have NEVER had anything like that happen to me before, just had one land on my windshield like that. He (yes, I know, like I could tell from where I was, but what can I say) just glued himself to my windshield right in front of me-not off to the side or even in the middle, but right in front of me, and hung there for about 5 minutes, while I was fishtailing all over the road. Then just as suddenly as he was there, he was gone.....and while nursing a jeep out of a slide is spooky in and of itself, the bat never did frighten me. Rather I felt as if he had come to me for a reason, but as of yet i have no idea why...I only hope that he wasn't seriously hurt, although I doubt it, because he more landed than hit, and he lifted off just as gracefully...

The other day my roommate strolled into my bedroom as I was getting dressed for work, and started talking about how she had been looking for descriptions of what she does here as a nanny so that she could update her profile for a receptionist job O_0....she informed me that she could get a job doing what she does here and make up to $600 a week, with room and board...I just looked at her, and the following immediately crossed my mind, although as a well bred southern belle, I didn't say it out loud...

"So, you can get paid $600 to...

1)sleep all day

2)sit on your ass in front of a computer talking to people

3)stick your head out of your room periodically to make sure my son hasn't stuck anything into a light socket

4)live in a 3000 sq ft house with your own room/bathroom, pay no rent, nothing for utilities, nothing for food, get $50 a week for doing the dishes and laundry, have all kinds of perks such as being taken shopping, out to dinner, out drinking, to the movies, out of town on vacation, driven to see new men from the net, and given all kinds of stuff just because.

And you can do all that for $600? damn, I'm in the wrong job.

She knows how hard money has been for me lately-she knows I am trying my damndest to get my ass out of this crack that I let a man I trusted for 20 years put me into, and she knows I am working towards making a better life for myself.

She looks at me and says "I'm not saying I think you should be paying me that..."

Good, cause, you ain't gonna get it.

I wish to GOD I had never been given this fucking power-last night at work I found out at the last minute that the bulk of the people in the hotel were there for a very unpleasant funeral of a man they and I had come to appreciate alot-he was their boss, and a customer of mine, as were the mourners-unfortunately I didn't find out until all these miserable angry people started trooping into the bar, and my brains just went splonk..I have never been as miserable about being an empath since 9/11, when all those people made me feel like my head was going to explode-but at least I could expect and filter some of that...last night I felt like my eyes and neck were full of broken glass, and somebody had shot my head full of wet cement...*shuddering* I sometimes wish I was still ignorant of what this is I do, and I could just chalk it up to sinuses, headaches, old age, etc. take the drugs and rest peacefully-but NOOOOOO somebody with the best of intentions had to "cultivate" this for me, so I could know "the pleasure of knowing what you are"; stupid son of a bitch didn't bother to tell me what to do when this shit happens, and now I'm looking at another night with these people-but hopefully now I have enough forewarning to be able to filter it through in small doses-jesus, I feel like I've been sucked dry..........